Seen a lot fo discussion on emotions here lately. So I thought I'd keep it going and put in my two cents.

My dominant emotions and feelings in early recovery were: abandonment (lover and family), helplessness, anger (mostly at myself), fear (of loneliness, of drinking, AND of being sober), insecurity, remorse, inadequacy, depression, doom.

And here I am, still alive. And so are all of the people here who have gotten through that phase. It is not unique, it is the SIDE EFFECT OF DRINKING ALCOHOLICALLY AND SCREWING UP OUR LIVES. IT IS THE SIDE EFFECT OF POURING ALCOHOL, A DEPRESSANT, INTO OUR BODIES IN TOXIC QUANTITIES FOR DECADES. No small wonder it takes TIME and HELP to get through this. To feel some happiness. To feel some contentment and peace. There are some therapies that put cancers into remission. But this does NOT happen all at once. No one goes in for chemotherapy or radiation therapy and emerges instantly feeling good, or being healthy and whole and cancer-free.

If we want to feel happy and peaceful and whole and content and "well", we absolutely must be willing to get through the treatment, the therapy, the "sick feelings" and feeling "out-of-sorts", lying awake at night, and going through the gamut of symptoms, before we can get well. Just like someone with cancer has to be willing to see the treatment through. Unpleasant? Yes. Definitely. But worth enduring. This is life and death too. If we can't wholeheartedly commit to this treatment, we will indeed eventually die, it's as simple as that.

"How long will the symptoms last?" That depends on the individual, in our case. If we bathe ourselves in isolation and our own thoughts, if we make excuses not to crack open the Big Book or work the Steps or starting reaching out to others for support through AA, we prolong our misery, we relapse over and over, we end up in jail, we drink ourselves to death, we commit suicide. That is the prognosis. If we are lucky enough (like I was), we just prolong our misery for a decade or so..... this is not reccommended, believe me.

Cancer will not go into remission if the sufferer sits at home, "wishing" for it to go away. The sufferer has to get off his/her ass and do some of the work. The victim of that disease has to get dressed and show up for the treatment. He/she has to FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS that are given. He/she even has the burden of figuring out who is going to pay for it. Lucky US, WE don't have to pay for ours!!! And yet, as I did for too long, we sit on our asses and refuse to RUN after the treatment and relief that is available. Shows just how F**ed up we sometimes are with this disease of the mind, body and spirit.

Bottom line- emotions and screwed up thinking keep us drinking. They are the FUEL for this disease, just like carcinogens fuel cancer. If we don't put he plug in the jug and get help (From OUTSIDE ourselves), we will not NOT get sober. If we are not willing to go to ANY length to stay sober, including feeling like a pile of sh** for awhile, we will not get/stay sober.

The alcoholi trying to get sober alone will not work, no more than chewing gum for 24 hours will cure cancer... and trying to get sober ALONE and without DOING anything is just as insane an attempt.

This is not my opinion. This is the truth as laid out by MILLIONS of recovering alcoholics in AA the world over, most doctors and therapists these days, priests and pastors, families of the drunken, and the Big Book itself. We are either willing or we aren't.

This Too Shall Pass is not some empty promise some goober made up. Get help, stay sober, work the Steps, and it WILL pass, guaranteed. You will never stop having emotions, but they will not tear you apart and kill you any more. They will not beat the hell out of you any more. They will not trap you in isolation. They will be manageable, they will be a "normal part of life" and not be so scarey. And there will be a whole world of pleasant ones out there waiting to enrich your life.

Joni