I've just joined, I feel I need to share something with you all.
Well I must say looking back now I am pretty bemused by my life and how it has turned out. I 'celebrated' my 1st birthday last month which is wonderful and I have changed completely how I look and feel. Yet I look at the aspects of life by which I gauge my success and they have remain fundamentally unchanged. This leads me to feel very insecure about my recovery. I still feel isolated and very alone in the world. This does not make me happy but I know that love is the answer.
Since starting on my recovery I have been on a very emotional, spiritual, very difficult, fulfilling and really quite beautiful journey. My mind has been full of love and I knew that my own happiness was close at hand.
Unfortunately, recently I find the path is getting overgrown and I am nervous of where I am going and where life will lead. The emotional pain that I have suffered keeps on repeating itself, and this time, I am finding it difficult to blame my own actions to see how I could have handled things better. This being the case it is really hard to bear the pain with determination to improve myself to prevent more pain and find happiness. I do not want to accept that I may be a person's whose life is full of pain and yearning need for love. I am tired of it, when will it end?
Welcome Mr D, Glad you have found us. Congratulations on your first birthday and just think it all happened one day at a time. Recovery is a process, not an event and sobriety just gets better even on the bad days.
I was wondering, do you have a sponsor to help you with some of the feelings you are having today? Have you done any step work?
Keep coming back, there is a lot of experience, strength and hope shared here.Have a great sober day.
Welcome Mr. D!!! i know how you feel, i am just about 11 months sober here. Some days i wonder if it's worth it...but i do believe it its. And i won't know unless i keep trudging this road. Don't give up. i have heard the second year is harder than the first...that's when the real work on ourselves starts.
Keep coming back, i hope you find what you're looking for!! \\//peace
I do sometimes get low on this journey, and I am still low, I feel it within me. Yet I am not good at showing it. I find that I build up a persona for myself within groups and find it difficult to admit that I struggle from time to time. When love goes wrong it is natural to get disheartened.
Here are the things that help me through the bad times:
Remembering that it has been a good thing that hard times have come while in early recovery. This is because I can say to myself I got through that pain. And I didn't drink on it!! This makes me strong.
Remembering that people need me, people need a strong me. Not just the people in my life at the moment but all those people that I have yet to meet. This makes me determined.
Also making sure I keep doing the right things. Eating a good diet, good hygiene, good attitude towards others and myself. This makes me healthy in body and mind.
Conciously refusing to build any new resentments. I don't need 'em. I've got to just let go and not be bitter. If I don't resent then I do not fear, if I do not fear I must be pretty close to happiness. This makes me open.
Remembering that I am unique person, who is filled with love, and that the girl that lands me will be so happy because I will, with great empathy and sensitivity, make sure she is. I will through the power of love and immense gratitude for soothing the pain and emptiness at my very core. I believe gratitude is second only to love in its power for good. This makes me smile.
And this really works... Whilst relaxed, visualising a possible happy future and feeling what it will feel like. This makes me dream.
Following this make the smallest step towards that dream. Then another and another then before I know it I'm up and running.
That is about it really.
It seems to work pretty well most of the time. Only when life jumps up and starts gnawing at your soul then, it does take a little while to adjust to the changed realties. But more, sometimes it takes a while for the dream that has changed to become, not only something else but to become something better. Otherwise, it will not be right for me. I only want what is right for me, what is wrong for me is not good enough, no more. To have faith and patience, in that it will all turn out right, is sometimes the most difficult of things to do.
