My name is Kelly and I think that I am an alcoholic

KellyB · Newbie

My name is Kelly and I think that I am an alcoholic

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Hi Kelly

I'm Jennifer and I'm an alcoholic. It sounds to me like you are too, but only you can make that call.

I, too, was a binger. I started drinking at 13 and was 38 when I came into AA in 2005. Prior to that I had the same questions, "why can't I have just one and stop?" I found out in AA it's because I"m an alcoholic. It really is that simple. I tried many times over the years to quit on my own, but always failed. It wasn't until I went to AA that I"ve had some success. I haven't had a drink in many many days straight now and I no longer crave one or want one.

There are other ways besides AA, but that is all that has worked for me. I found out in AA that I never HAVE to drink again. I may choose to some day (not today) but I never have to. There is freedom in that.

I hope you won't let an experience from 15 yrs ago deter you from trying AA again.

Hugs, love and prayers.

-- Edited by Doll on Tuesday 9th of June 2009 03:14:38 PM

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

"Why does it have to be me? Why can't I have one drink and stop and go home? What is different about me?"

Once you're a pickle, you can't go back to being a cucumber.

Hi Kelly, let me say that you can't get sober just to make your fiance happy (or for your kids). You've got to want to do it for you. What you're seeing right now (drinking 12-15 hours at certain times/days) is just the beginning of how bad it will get. This is a progressive disease and better than half of our members got to the point where they were drinking around the clock. You need to get to an AA meeting tonight. Call your local AA phone number in the phone book (or look it up on the internet). Ask if one or two ladies would take you to a meeting. This is the best way to go. They will introduce you to very nice women who can help you.
Do yourself a favor and give this your full attention as it requires a lot of effort at first, but it gets easier the longer that you stay sober. Welcome to the board and good luck in your new journey.

Dean

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 9th of June 2009 08:23:33 PM

sabby · Veteran Member

Hi Kelly and welcome and good for you for reaching out and writing this.

I'm Sarah and I'm an alcoholic. I started drinking in my teens and started off binging and drugging from the off really, then when I hit my early 20's I put down the spirits and for a long while I thought I was 'fine' because I was 'only drinking wine' - similar to you, most days a few drinks with perhaps a weekly or sometimes a few nights a week binge.

I first went to an AA meeting about 5 years ago (im 28 now) and I think if I remember rightly, I went when i was quite tipsy and didn't know anything about how it worked - i interrupted everybody and in hindsight was quite rude... but to be honest, at the time (through my warped alcoholic thinking) I thought it was a bit weird, I wasn't as bad as some people, 'I could sort it out myself'... and so on. But over the last few years, things only got worse for me - in short I lived a very miserable existence, it affected friendships, work my anxiety levels were through the roof (although at the time, I thought it was normal!) I ended up going to AA meetings, and listening to others who had managed to turn what was a seemingly hopeless place around to content and happy life.

Giving AA a PROPER try is the BEST thing I have ever done - it has given me a life beyond what I thought was ever possible when I was stuck being a slave to drink...

It's been a long while since you went to AA meetings, why don't you give it another try? and maybe try some different meetings in your area and see what you think...?

There is nothing to lose... and (from my personal experience) EVERYTHING to gain.

Good luck and keep in touch.
Best Wishes

-- Edited by sabby on Tuesday 9th of June 2009 04:23:19 PM

Halfwolf · Veteran Member

I would suggest going to some meeting. Listen to other people's stories. There is no reason to be embarrased when walking into a meeting. We are all there for the same reason.
My last binge lasted 5years.

Tina · Senior Member

Hi Kelly

Glad your here, if you are thinking that your an alcoholic well your in the right place and you need to be here.

First things first is to get to a meeting, you don't have to say anything, just listen and go from there.

you have some good advice here so far and well I hope you keep coming back and let us know how you made out

Welcome to MIP board

Tina

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Kelly, welcome to MIP. My first step into AA was into an actual meeting and in that meeting I was scared to death and crying. Believe it or not, this is a good start. If you just all of the sudden came to the ambivalent conclusion that drinking was sorta bad and maybe it was messing up your life, your odds wouldn't be very good. What seems like a hellish conclusion and a scary proposition is actually a gift. Take it and run with it. At 23, I didn't have the maturity or the amount of losses from alcohol to realize I needed to stop. I deeply respect the young folks here, cuz I wish I had saved myself all the agony. Regardless, your post was courageous and going back to meetings will be a good step. Thankfully, AA continues to expand. Beginner's meetings are much more common (am I right oldtimers?). Those are a good place to go to start out. Anyhow, if you had cancer you wouldn't spend so much time asking why before you got into treatment. This is the same thing...a disease that needs treatment. The only difference is the solution is achieved through surrendering (not succumbing) to the disease rather than fighting it. Some people state dismal statistics about the success rate of AA, but the simple fact is that it works 100 percent of the time for people who really want it and are ready for it. Once you admit you are an alcoholic, it doesn't matter why...and once you are at meetings you are already taking action to change. Very simple...don't worry too much if possible. Things will get better. Try this thing again and keep us posted please.

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha Kelly!!

I'm happy that you found the MIP doors and this board. Your last drink was at
8AM your time..."is that sick?" you ask and did you know that Alcoholism is a
full fledged primary disease?   It is not a moral issue. It isn't about you being bad.
You are current right in the middle of a life threatening disease and if not arrested
by total abstinence leads to insanity and death.   If I read you post right you've
got the insanity part down right. Part of it is knowing you have a problem and
being too fearful to get around others who have been there, done that and got
help for it and are presently able to live their lives alcohol free and more.

Trying different recovery options can help you get sober. Trying even though you
are fearful and doubtful is best. Set aside the fear and doubt for and hour or
so and go into a meeting, sit all the way down up close to the table and listen
for the similarities of your life as it is now from others who have your experiences.
If you like the idea of commitments to yourself...mark out the next 90 days on
your calendar and if there is a meeting closeby on each of those days...get to the
meeting. Go in early, find a chair, sit all the way down, leave the fear and doubt
at the door and listen and learn. When the meeting is over pick up your fear and
doubt if you like and hang on to what you heard in the meeting till the next day.

I was able to do this when I first arrived at the doors of recovery because I was
certainly doubtful and fearful.   I had an earlier attempt at recovery and it also
didn't work for me then.   It's okay to keep coming back. We do that daily.

Keep coming back here any way.   (((((hugs))))) smile

eastcoastscott · Senior Member

Hi Kelly,

Well, for one thing, you are here. That is a big step right there and we all understand and appreciate that! The fact is, nobody on earth can quit drinking on their own, don't even think you might be the one to succeed. Asking for help is an incredibly humbling thing to do but it is the RIGHT way to approach it. We are all here to figure out ways to lift each other (and ourselves) up spiritually. At the beginning, all we need to do is just believe that it IS possible to continue living, without alcohol. Many here are living proof of just that. It is do-able, with some effort and changes. It is hard, it is frustrating and it is a life changing process but the fact that you came here indicates a will to survive. Stick around, it can help you. If you read these responses and it makes you feel the least bit better, then the magic is working. Welcome aboard!

scott

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP, Kelly. A 1000 mile journey begins with one step & you've taken it. You've admitted your problem, reached out, shared & asked for help. I found I could not stop drinking alone also & that it had been ruining my life slowly (quicker than that but I was in denial) for a long time. I came to A.A. after a relatively high bottom & learned it only gets worse.

I consider myself very lucky to have indeed so far 1Day@aTime missed out on those 10-15yrs of hell others had to go through before they realised there was a way out. You're in the right place. I need meetings for support & identification. You may find them a lot different now that you're more willing to concede defeat. You may get a lot more identification now than you did before as you went back out & drank again & will be able to relate to many more experiences.

I am an alcoholic because when I take that first drink I develop the phenomenon of craving & when I wasn't drinking I could only go so long & then I'd be thinking about it again. That's a part of the mental obsession. The other part of the obsession is to think that if I just keep trying I will eventually control it but then BAM! I'm gone again & wondering how it happened. I haven't drunk now for 2.5yrs & I'm 32.

I hadn't lost everything but I hadn't gained much either. Now I have a new life, a new heart & mind, a chance to get over my emotional difficulties & an limitless potential to build a life I want for myself without all the hurt, confusion & loss of dignity & self-respect. Think of it as less the loss of an old unhelpful 'friend' & more of the gain of a shiny new you.

It does take work in the beginning but in time you build a momentum & you're able to live life no matter what without taking a drink. That is a miracle & for you if you want it. Don't be scared. You've got everything to try for. Your relationships with your family will improve as you do. Be brave & get to your first meetings again. I think you'll be nicely surprised. Good luck & God bless, Danielle x

kkotz401 · Senior Member

Alchoholism is a disease, but you can't let it win. Have you tried going to rehab? The best thing might be removing yourself from the situation for awhile and working on your problems. You have a lot to look forward to in your life with your sons and your fiance. Think about that.