I need to stop drinking. I attended an AA meeting last week then just drank all week anyway. I don't understand the 12 steps, I don't understand how some people have mentors or whatever, because none of that has been discussed with me by anyone from AA.
I need PRACTICAL advice. Like, when I stop drinking, what should I eat / drink instead to help the cravings? What liquids apart from alcohol can help at first? I tried stopping and that first night I hardly slept and my heart was thumping....like an anxiety attack... how can I help myself deal with that?
What things to you tell yourself when you're tempted to have a drink? How do you say no?
What support is there? I mean, AA said "just keep coming to meetings"...which is fine but I don't get to speak to someone one to one. It is good to hear of peoples experiences though.
I have been sober for 8 days. I cannot tell you about how the meetings and sponsors work because I have never been to meetings at AA. I was involved with Alateen when I was younger, but anyway. I can tell you how I have felt over the last 2months- before hitting rock bottom. Actually my husband threatened to leave me a few times and when he became aware that it was my drinking that was causing me to act the way I did he said he would take the kids too if I could not get my act together.
I wanted to tell him that It was not my fault and blame my behaviour on everything else . But the truth was that it was me and probably all the arguments were because of my drinking because that was when things always got heated adn ugly. I would abuse him by accusing him of things that I felt he was doing- mostly in my imagination and due to my insecurities.
Anyway the point is I just found a good enough reason to stop. I never wanted to 'really 'stop before but this time I said no matter how much I want it I know that for today I must have a clear mind and be able to think hard about things when they happen. So I just took each day at a time and I walked to the bottle and I said not today , I will be here for the people who love me,and who I love, just for today. As the days added up that became my reason for not drinking today. I was so happy that I had managed to do the previous day without a drink that I wasn't going to spoil the record for a quick and temporary fix to how I might have been feeling at that moment
I still think about how relaxing it would be to just have a 'little' drink. But I know deep down that that one drink would turn into two and then three and then another day and it would escalate and destroy my mind and my life. I just want to stop that from happening and I want to keep my kids and my husband more than anything. They are my reason for living, healthily.
I am not sure if it is good advice but for the first few days I did eat everything I felt like just to help me over the difficult time. I know I have to be conscious of what I am doing to 'get through' this so that it does not become a new dependancy . I know that it could never do the scarythings to me that alcohol does .
Thank God and use the slogans, I am trying to connect to my Higher Power. I was scared to trust - my whole life- but I figured at this point I have nothing to lose by trusting a Higher Power. It does seem to be working because I have a renewed peace of mind and ability to get through this trying time.
I have stopped drinking only quite recently,but AA has taught me a few things,already!
At first, i just told my self that I wouldn't drink for the next twenty four hours. I could handle that. Just for today. Sometimes I had to tell myself,"just for this hour"...and the craving would pass.If you have to tell yourself that you won't drink just for this MINUTE, tell yourself that. Make your goal to not drink reasonable. Don't say you aren't going to drink for the rest of your life, that's too hard. Set yourself up for success,and say just for today, this hour, ...whatever. I go to two, sometimes three meetings a day if I need to. I found that having one regular meeting that I always attend works,too. I go every morning at 10 am..its good to go, plus I am making friends...the whole idea of 90 meetings in 90 days is a good idea,for me, because, as you start to hear things over and over,like the 12 steps,etc, they start to sink in. I would also suggest getting a Big Book,it has lots of good stuff in it, for those times when you can't get to meetings.
Reaching out is the best! Just contacting this board was huge!!!
Step one is the big one.Admitting that our life was unmanagable,that we are powerless over alcohol....that's ok. We are ALL powerless over alcohol,that's why we're here.. don't feel bad!
Chin up! Just no drinking for today..you can probably do that,right?
Go to a meeting and ask for a phone list. The people who put their names on it are letting you know that ANY time you need to talk to someone, you should call them. And when I say anytime, for me that means 3 am if nessesary. And I let people know that. If you are not able to go to a meeting every day, that phone list will become a way to reach out to other AA's when you can't find a meeting. Where I live, we only have 1 meeting a week.
The candy thing, especially chocolate, will stop the craving for alcohol until you can get hold of someone to talk.
One day at a time,one hour at a time, one minute at a time if that's what works. Just don't drink.
So glad you found your way here. I spent 5 1/2 months in treatment and learned SO much!! I think the most important thing i learned was that of my phsychological critic, that nasty little devil on my shoulder that tells me, oh go on...just have one...or...i'm not strong enough, tall enough, smart enough, beautiful enough.
I combat that critc by telling it to GO LAY DOWN BY ITS DISH!!!!
sharing what i feel lessens its power.
I call it a battle between ego and spirit, my ego is weak, my spirit is strong.
Drink lots of water and juice, eat when you feel like eating, your body needs nourishment.
Like its been said, one minute at a time if necessary. The serentiy prayer has helped me lots,
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things i cannot change
The courage to change the things i can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I really don't think i could have come as far as working on my 327th day by going to only 1 meeting a week, its recommended to do 90 meetings in 90 days. I know that sounds like a handful but just go to one everyday if you can or more if they're available, where i live we have morning, noon and evening meetings, thy're all over the place : )
Tell yourself , just for today, i CHOOSE not to drink, today is all we have.
Thanks for your response. Your experience hits home with me, I'm married, no kids though. My husband has made the point that I've been drinking too much. What gets on my nerves is that when I suggest going to AA he says that might be "overkill" and "why don't you just stop drinking, or just have a couple". He doesn't seem to understand. All last week he bought the alcohol because he was off work, so it was just a case of me drinking along with him.
You are right, I should just not drink today. I'm resolving not to drink today. I can do one day can't I? There was a time when I'd go days without drinking. I can do that again.
Thanks, I will try the candy...thanks for the comments.
Thing is, in my area it seems that there are only 2 AA meetings a week. In my town that is. So if I wanted to attend another, and I thnk there are 2 more then I'd have to drive and I don't always have the car.
So I've basically only got the option of AA meetings on Thursday and Friday nights.
Crambo,
I will try.... do you fill your day up with activities so that you are not thinking about drink all the time? Maybe I should just make myself really busy today...
Cheri,
So I get to eat lots of chocolate! Cool, now that is a little something to compensate. LOL
As for phone lists, noone offered and I feel wierd talking to a total stranger. Maybe I will just meet people and take it from there.
Wantneeda,
327days. Well if you can do it then I can do it. :) thanks for your comments.
I just want to say something to my old pal alcohol: Alcohol, you've hurt me enough now. I'm not going to let it continue. Bye bye.
It definitely sounds like your husband is like mine. He can drink fine without getting all silly. That is the difference and he did not realise it. The other thing is that I would drink the same amount as him in the same time and sometimes more and he is almost twice my size . He was aware that occassionally in the past when I have had too much that I act like someone else, not myself. The difficulty was that I had to break down one day and open up to him completely and admit that I was drinking to drown my sorrows when he was not around. That was hard because I did not want him to think or know that he could not trust me when he was away because I would get 'drunk'. And the reason I was scared of admitting it was because I was scared that he would lock it all away or throw it away and say never drink again. I convinced myself that that was the most important time for me to be able to drink.My excuse if you will was that he was working and I got on my pity pot everytime that happened. I also knew that it could not be like that, I had to want to stop for myself and with my own motivation and sort out all the problems in my head before I would be able to contemplate it.
But that was the best way because he could start to think about the reality of my problem and I really believe that But for the Grace of God, my husband has been so gentle and understanding and supportive since I told him that I am an alcoholic and there are no half measures with me. He knew my dad well and he was also an alcoholic so he had a little background. Now he probably thinks that meetings would take up too much of our time but I am going to introduce him to some of the alanon readings in the future so that he can understand more. My mom told me about a chapter in the BB titled "to the wives" and of course it applies to the spouses of alcoholics and she said it was what gave her hope in the alanon program and she gave it a try then and for the rest of her life which is 20 years now.
I wish you the best of luck and strength and just keep writing here. It has helped me immensely
Well I'm at nearly 4pm and I haven't had a drink. I'm doing OK but I did have a major temptation earlier when I went to the shop to get some food. I nearly bought some beer but I resisted. So I'm here drinking coffee and eating some chocolate!
It will be easier I think when my hub gets home at 5pm because he will not like me going buying any so I won't be doing that...
Welcome. I've been sober since Sunday (2 Days) and I understand your struggle. The past three weeks I've been attending AA meetings and do fine through the week but then run into difficulty on the weekends including last Sunday when I gave in and overendulged in beer.
To me it seems sooooo overwhelming to say, "I won't drink for a month" or "I won't drink for a week". What has worked is "I won't drink today". Don't worry about tomorrow. Don't worry about next week. Concentrate on not drinking today. That seems to be helping me.
When I get home from work we eat dinner shortly thereafter now which helps remove my temptation to drink. Otherwise I would end up drinking and probably not eating at all.
Thanks for sharing. Well done on your 2 days now... I understand completely what you mean about weekends. I've tried before, only to overindulge at the weekends.
Update from today: Hub got home, we had tea and I took the dog to his dog training class. I got home at 9.30 and hub was in the pub (which is 200yards away from my house ) he had told me he might be there watching the football. I was tempted to go and join him but I didn't! Thank Goddess.
So he is back now and I've not had a drink. I've just eaten another chocolate bar though! LOL but I worked out that one bar is only a few more calories than a pint of beer so I feel OK about it, I would have probably had a few pints if I'd have been drinking.
Now I will concentrate on tomorrow. Thanks everyone!
Just wanted to say welcome and congrats on not drinking today. You said in your first post you had gone to an AA meeting I hope you will keep going. If you go and listen the answers will come just as they do here. Let time take time,and like Rick says, go to the meeting before the meeting and stay for the one after the meeting.
And chocolate, oh, I wish I could eat it, but it is one of those things that triggers migraines sooooo, please eat some for me too.
WOOT WOOT!!!! Way to go! it sounds like your husband might be interested in supporting you..thats great..
If you can't get to an AA meeting that is far away,try contacting them and asking if anyone can give you a ride..these people are REALLY into helping...at my homegroup every tuesday,part of the opening at the meeting is asking if anyone needs a ride...people are pretty willing to be helpful,because service is part of the recovery process..helping other people helps us, if you know wheat I mean...
I have found that AA is not "preachy"..nobody is going to come over and bug you at a meeting..it is usually up to the individual to reach out,and say hi...I had a hard time getting up and admitting I was an alcoholic, i used to just get up and say, "hi, i'm jill..."but eventually, i realized that I needed to add..."...AND i'm an alcoholic"... because as I began to admit it and say it out loud, it started to sink in, and i began to take the whole thing more seriously.There is a reason that AA people do things the way that they do....because it WORKS!!!
I hope you are doing well, and feel free to email if you want to chat or anything.Do you use msn messenger or aol messenger? maybe getting online and chatting would be good...
Today I heard that the job I wanted probably don't want me. The job I was in, for 9 years, which I left amicably.....well....there is tons of emotional stuff there.
But that is an excuse I know.
I do desire to stop drinking....
Start again tomorrow?
I feel bad now. but that is nothing compared to tomorrow morning.
I know you know how I'm feeling. I'm not gonna start the self pity sob story (even though I feel like it!) Please just give me any advice you can. Thanks so much.
Hey How, Yes, we do know how you are feeling. Yes, you are right , start tomorrow. But you can start right now. Don't drink anymore today.And when you get up tomorrow don't pick up a drink. This is a one day at a time deal.
Keep coming here, we care. I'm on my way to a meeting. This to shall pass.
I did drink 2 bottles of wine. Now I'm up and I'm NOT having a drink today. I'm going to an AA meeting tonight.
I'm not putting myself through guilt. What happened with the job is, I quit my old job because it was *really* demanding and stressful and my boss wouldn't listen or change anything. LIke I said I'd been there 9 years. Anyway, I got offered a job with a bank 2.5 days a week, which is perfect. I'm also studying for my degree with the Open University, so part time was what I needed.
The guy loved me and he offered me the job. He copied my documents etc. and it all seemed fine. Then I got a letter with a contract saying that I'd been offered the job SUBJECT TO A REFERENCE FROM MY OLD EMPLOYER.
Well I'd left my old employer on good terms, but I'd had 4.5weeks off sick for stress (and other health complaints if the truth be known...I had a miscarriage) in jan / feb of this year.
So I phoned my old employer (my previous bosses mum would be filling in the form) and told them it was SUBJECT to their reference. They refused to do me a favour and write down less sick days. Turns out, over the year I had 34 sick days, 23 of which were the incident above (That shocked me!)
So they wrote that on my form. I was so hurt because they just refuse to do me a favour and I feel I did so much for them and only left when I was totally at the end of my rope.
So the bank ring me and say "those sick days are totally unacceptable" and "we'll have to let you know tomorrow".
I was devastated because I'm almost sure I don't have the job.
The rest of the reference said I was great...which I WAS. I took sick because I was nearly having a nervous breakdown. I even communicated to them the situation and they did nothing! So I had to go sick. Plus the miscarriage....and I'm filled with guilt about that because I drank before I knew I was pregnant (and stopped as soon as I found out, which was at 6 weeks into it) but then miscarried 2 weeks later.
This whole situation goes so much deeper than this aswell. I had a relationship with my old boss 4 years ago, but ended it, and I got married (last year). Ever since the relationship ended 4 years ago, he still made comments at work and stuff. It was horrid. If I was cold with him, he'd make my life hard at work. This is another reason that I left. But NOW even though his mother knew this situation and why I had to leave, THEY HAD TO freakin write down all that sick instead of just doing me a favour so I can get another job and move on.
We have all had all kind of things happen to us. AA teaches uswe don't have to drink over them or because of them. Life is life all kind of things come are way. Do I like all on them NO, but I don't have to drink over them. Stopping to drink is simple staying stopped is the deal. Go to meetings, Travel out of your town when you can. You may just find a friend and a ride. Things will happen if you let them!! The last time I quit. I did just that!! I Paced around, threwup, drank water threw up again Etc. Ate lots of candy-- suffered--No booze no drugs--cold turkey. I had to I new all the ways to heal easy. Morning drinks -- normal-- pain killers--normal. Know what I mean?? Yoiu have to put it down!! AA will teach you how to live without it.
Hi How, i can relate,,,,i had 2 miscarriages myself. I have to let go of that past but not shut the door on it.
God has a plan for you, don't give up...when one door closes another one opens. In God's time not ours. He may have a different plan for you,. Keep trudging the road my friend.
) he had told me he might be there watching the football. I was tempted to go and join him but I didn't! Thank Goddess.
