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Post Info TOPIC: Sorry to only come back when I slip.
turninggrey


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Sorry to only come back when I slip.
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Hey All,
The last time I was active here was last June when I slipped last.  Well I did it again.  It is just insane.  I bought a bottle and measured it, rationed myself, I never got sick, I never got a hangover, I was very shrewd.  BUT I HATE MYSELF!  So much of my integrity is rolled up in my past victories over alcohol!  I hid it from my wife and kids.  It sucks. Sooooooo, here I am.  I was aching from being away from my Higher Power!  I can not wait to get back home tomorrow and see the wife and kids!  I guess I'll need to get myself to a meeting.  Sorry guys, but thanks for being here.

-- Edited by turninggrey on Sunday 24th of May 2009 10:45:16 PM

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MDC


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I'm right there with you. I only had 2 months, and was so proud of myself. I couldn't hide my slip from my family, they're gone now. I look back on my sober days, I saw so much hope. I'm looking forward to getting back on track. 3 days sober now working to #4. I'm not the one to give advise, at this point. I can say when I look at my sober days they were much better than my drinking days. I know where I want to be, I just struggle with how to get there. I started my meetings back tonight. I hope you will too!  Don't let this take your family, they are more important than a drink...a drink you probally don't really want.


MDC

-- Edited by MDC on Sunday 24th of May 2009 09:23:01 PM

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turninggrey


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Hey MDC, What is good about having been sober is that we know how good it is. I have slipped in the past and as bad as I feel (and it sounds like we are in the same boat) I know that if we work hard and keep our minds right, we can have our self respect back. It just takes time and perserverience. Lets both hang in there and thanks for the responce.

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Dave Harm


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Many years I ago I had a slip.  Not a one or two day deal, but a two year slip.  I tried so many different methods of control.  To dink only after work - only before work - only at lunch time - only when the sun was down - only on weekends.  Heck, my insanity had me convinced that the only way for me to control my drinking was to drink only when I was driving.  That's right only when I was driving!

It took two years for me to accept that I could never control my drinking, which for me meant that one drink was to many.

Ever since, I've been active in AA and I always admire a person who slips and comes back to meetings right away.  They admit their slip and are ready to try again.

It's easy to beat yourself up over a slip.  After I returned to the program I didn't.  I used it as a learning tool.  I believed that my slip was the only way for me to achieve long term sobriety.  And in a crazy way I'm thankful for that slip because I learned a lot about my triggers.

And the most valuable lesson I learned from that slip was to remove the word "Proud" or "pride" from my vocabulary when I speak about my sobriety.  If I use those words, I again place myself in a position of control.  Instead, I replace those words with gratitude.  Every day I'm sober, I'm thankful for another day of living His will...

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turninggrey


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Hey Dave,
Gratitude is a much better way to think of it.


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StPeteDean


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Hey Tom, I'm glad that you're back. stick around, we'be gotten a lot of new people lately.

Dean

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pinkchip


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I can identify with "I hate myself" but I also would recommend doing your best to remove that from your vocabulary too.  You wouldn't be coming here and ready to go back to meetings if you totaly hated yourself.  You know there is something inherently good about you worth getting sober for.  A relapse does not have to make you hate yourself.  Again, you want it to be a kick upstairs rather than a kick downstairs.  That relapse is in the past and you only have today.  And today, you are seeking help and trying to do what's best for you.  You have my respect and prayers.

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Sobrietyspell


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Welcome back, Tom. My slips helped convince me to & how to stay sober so the 4 I had in early recovery I refer to as the pillars of my sobriety. I wouldn't have got here without them & it gives many others hope to know that you can recover after a slip. The aim I guess is not to make a habit of it ;) lol Get back in your sobriety saddle & ride high. Today is a good Day to stay sober! It's also very fortunate that you have made it back. It could have been worse but no, it doesn't have to be :) Stick around, Danielle x

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turninggrey


MIP Old Timer

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Hey All,
Thanks for the help. I am re-stepping and I already feel better for being honest with my wife and starting the day with reflection. I am looking forward to the meeting tonight as well.  I agree with you Sobrietyspell on the slips.  I do not like the fact that I have slipped, but I agree that they teach you something and although they can be a horrible lesson, they can be a "pillar" in my "foundation" of sobriety! 

-- Edited by turninggrey on Tuesday 26th of May 2009 08:48:50 AM

-- Edited by turninggrey on Tuesday 26th of May 2009 08:49:35 AM

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