Hello Sabby, and welcome. Glad that you made it back into the rooms. It took me two years of going to meetings and relapsing, to "get it". I had reservations about following all the suggestions (90/90, sponsor, fellowship, steps, service...) and thought that I could get by picking and choosing what I needed to do. I thought that I could keep my old friends also and live some kind of a double life. Well I did, but I didn't stay sober.

Dean

Welcome, Sabby!! Happy to see you here!!

Joni

Hi Sabby.  Welcome to MIP!  Glad you made it back.  Your post hit me like a smack in the face because I'm coming up on 8 months pretty soon and I DO NOT want to go backwards.  I have noticed myself forgetting what it was like when I first came into the rooms.  I was at the grocery store yesterday and, of course, it seemed like everyone was stocking up on beer and liquor for the weekend.  I even saw someone who used to be on about the same day count as me laughing it up and looking happy while buying a case of beer.  It messed with my head.  Had me wondering why I'm still going to meetings talking about feeling uncomfortable in my own skin and struggling somewhat.  I guess I conveniently forgot that I wrecked my car drunk, woke up with dry heaves every morning, used to spend every weekend drunk at night and sleeping all day, that I hurt myself constantly falling down and stumbling, that my relationship turned to crap over alcohol, that I started having constant bladder pains like an ongoing UTI, that I took pills in combo with drinking which could have killed me...the list goes on.  I need to remember that even though it sucks...that was and is the reality of how I drink.  I don't know if it's the "forgetter" that played into the relapse you had.  I guess what I'm saying is, if you are able, I'd appreciate if you'd share more of what you think caused it so I can learn.  Aside from that, I am impressed by your resolve and strength to keep on going forward and if talking about this too much brings you backwards at the moment, forget I asked and I'm just glad you are with us.  Welcome again,

Mark 

Yeah...just saw the familiar post about "the research study."  Anyhow, I come here for help, to help others, and be a part of...not to be a guinea pig and I just hope that is your reason too.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Sunday 24th of May 2009 11:56:59 AM

By the way, it has only just been pointed out to me that alot of researchers use these forums to try and get participants - I honestly didn't realise that. Yes I am doing a study for my undergraduate dissertation and the reason I chose to do a study on addiction recovery is because it obviously means a lot to me and is a big part of my life ! However, I just want to assure you that I am here for the right reasons - yes it would be great if people want to help out - but I can understand that this will upset or annoy some people and I'm sorry about that. Its partly because of this, that I ended up searching for forums in the first place though and I am very glad I did because I have got a great deal of help and advice from this - I didn't realise that this kind of thing existed! Sorry if my little advert upsets anybody, but please be sure that I am here because I want and need support and hope that my experiences can help others too. I recently went back out there and trust me, i dont ever want to go there again and I hope nobody else does either! Hopefully (!!) you will see that I will be around here for a long time on this forum... thanks.

Sabby, I am sorry if I came off rude.  I think you might have actually gotten some responses with your study if you put in that you are one of us when you first came here.  Anyhow, I did not expect that my step 1 would turn into knowing I am powerless over people, places, and things and that I would truly have to accept that.  It relates directly to steps 2 and 3 because, knowing that I am powerless over alcohol, my boss, my relationships, my friends, other people...I have to constantly turn that stuff over to a higher power, whether it be god, the rooms, or my sponsor.  Another thing, I am highly intellectual and analytical and I tend to complicate my own program.  I do work with substance abusers as a career, but that never brought me to an understanding of my own disease...only new levels of hypocrisy, denial, and thinking I understood things I didn't.  The academic knowledge of alcoholism doesn't give me power either.  When I step into the room, I am just another garden variety drunk, regardless of having all sorts of education and experience with other substance abusers.  I respect your research, but I'd advise not to make it part of your program.