I hope I am posting this in the correct forum. If not, please direct me to the correct one.
Well, I am here finally.
I began drinking about 3 years ago and I think over the last several days I have come to the realization that I need help to quit. I am not physically addicted (no shakes, no need of a drink in the morning), but am absolutely emotionally addicted. In that 3 year time frame I have drank to drunkenness on an average of 5 days each week. There have been times of total sobriety for 2 week stints, usually when traveling abroad, but when I get home I go right back to my old habits.
I don't know where to start and I haven't yet been to my first AA meeting, but am considering going tonight. It appears that we have a very active group here in my area meeting on average 3 times a day, 7 days a week.
Is it OK if I go to a closed meeting for Alcoholics only, or do I need to wait for an open meeting?
Anyway, I found this forum and thought that I would join and see what happens. I am a very lucky 53 year old man who has a great career and wife. My drinking hasn't affected my life in any devastating way, but I am just not at all happy with myself and want to be in control of my life again. I know this will only get worse and will begin to affect everything if I don't get a handle on it.
Both my brother and my father were very severe alcoholics, both in good recovery. I don't want to share my addiction with them at this time, but will in the future. I was always the one in the family that didn't have this problem.
Congrats on making a decision to do something about your drinking problem. Sounds like you have an AA club near you. Get a local meeting schedule or google for it. It's advised that beginners go to some beginners meetings for awhile. It's also good to go to a speakers meeting once a week. Find a 12 step meeting to attend, and a men's meeting would make a well rounded weekly schedule filled in with some discussion meetings. It's highly recommended that a new comer go to 90 meetings in 90 days, to build a good foundation for sobriety and to replace the time spent drinking with positive reinforcement about not drinking. Raise you hand and introduce yourself as a newcomer (when the leader of the meeting asks) so that people will introduce themselves to you and offer you phone numbers to call if you get the urge to drink, the first thing to do is call and then head for a meeting. That should get you started.
I think its a really good idea to get to a meeting and listen out for the similarities of what you here. AA meetings are very friendly and warm - just get a cuppa and relax ! :)
I like what you say about having a nice life and wife, career etc. You don't have to have lost everything to seek help! It's something I battled with in the beginning, because I still had my home, good job, etc.etc (and i thought an alcoholic meant drinking whisky from a park bench at 7am!) but I think if im really honest with myself it was probably more luck than judgement that i hadnt lost my driving license, etc.etc ! It was only a matter of time.
One thing is for certain, there is nothing to be gained from drinking - it made me miserable and selfish and lots more horrible characteristics... and AA has been one of the best things I have ever done in my life !
Congrats on making a decision to do something about your drinking problem. Sounds like you have an AA club near you. Get a local meeting schedule or google for it. It's advised that beginners go to some beginners meetings for awhile. It's also good to go to a speakers meeting once a week. Find a 12 step meeting to attend, and a men's meeting would make a well rounded weekly schedule filled in with some discussion meetings. It's highly recommended that a new comer go to 90 meetings in 90 days, to build a good foundation for sobriety and to replace the time spent drinking with positive reinforcement about not drinking. Raise you hand and introduce yourself as a newcomer (when the leader of the meeting asks) so that people will introduce themselves to you and offer you phone numbers to call if you get the urge to drink, the first thing to do is call and then head for a meeting. That should get you started.
Dean
Dean,
Thank you for the encouragement and the insight. I am a bit reluctant to attend a meeting, but you and Sabby have put my mind at ease.
Thank you all. There is a meeting tonight that I am planning to go to.
It appears to be a "C" designated meeting (Closed for alcoholics only). May I go to one of these or do I need to wait for an Open meeting?
Welcome to MIP, TooTaaToo! You referred in your first post to your "addiction," so seems to me on some level you have admitted you are an alcoholic, even if you are in the earlier stages of our disease. Hence, I'd suggest that you go to the closed AA meeting tonight, especially if that's the only one available in your area today. Let us know how the meeting goes for you. We are all here for you.
Thank you all. There is a meeting tonight that I am planning to go to.
It appears to be a "C" designated meeting (Closed for alcoholics only). May I go to one of these or do I need to wait for an Open meeting?
Welcome to MIP, TooTaaToo! You referred in your first post to your "addiction," so seems to me on some level you have admitted you are an alcoholic, even if you are in the earlier stages of our disease. Hence, I'd suggest that you go to the closed AA meeting tonight, especially if that's the only one available in your area today. Let us know how the meeting goes for you. We are all here for you.
Yes the closed meetings are only for people who have decided that they have a problem with alcohol. They do tend to be a bit more serious so keep that in mind when you go. Mostly meetings have the same structure with a few readings in the beginning and then a discussion, speaker, or book study, then the same closing. However meetings very widely due to demographics and average length of sobriety, ie: a beginners meetings will feel quite a bit different then an old timers meeting, or young peoples meeting. With that said, don't be too quick to judge AA meetings until you've been to about 30-50 different meetings. It's like the story about Goldie locks and the 3 bears "and this one is just right...". Keep going to different meetings to you get that warm and fuzzy feeling, and then keep that one as one of your regulars.
Yes the closed meetings are only for people who have decided that they have a problem with alcohol. They do tend to be a bit more serious so keep that in mind when you go. Mostly meetings have the same structure with a few readings in the beginning and then a discussion, speaker, or book study, then the same closing. However meetings very widely due to demographics and average length of sobriety, ie: a beginners meetings will feel quite a bit different then an old timers meeting, or young peoples meeting. With that said, don't be too quick to judge AA meetings until you've been to about 30-50 different meetings. It's like the story about Goldie locks and the 3 bears "and this one is just right...". Keep going to different meetings to you get that warm and fuzzy feeling, and then keep that one as one of your regulars.
Outstanding information Dean. I am sure I will be right at home when I get there tonight.
2TAA2, You are ABSOLUTELY in the right place! But the "right-er" place will be a meeting sometime today or tonight. :o)
If your dad and brother have good recovery, and they spend any time at all near you or around you, even when you are not drinking, I'd be willing to bet the farm that they already know. But it is not our job to TELL anyone else, not even family, that he or she is alcoholic. And chances are, they are waiting for you to come to terms with it on your own.
That said, regarding them, you must do what is comfortable for YOU, and the only requirement to go to a meeting, closed meeting or whatever, is a DESIRE to stop drinking. A person like any of us, including yourself, is allowed at any meeting, any time, anywhere (unless you are a man and it is a women's meeting!!... LOL goes without saying....)
Anyhoo, so glad to meet you here. Please keep us posted on what you decide to do. We are here to help!
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
A person like any of us, including yourself, is allowed at any meeting, any time, anywhere (unless you are a man and it is a women's meeting!!... LOL goes without saying....)
And technically, if you needed to be at a meeting, that wouldn't make a difference either. Our founders never planned on having men's or women's only meetings hence "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking" And yes I've attended a couple women's meetings
I stand corrected. I too have seen men at women's meetings. Men who wear lipstick and bra's, and also "little men" who came with their mommies. I agree, kinda silly separating things like that. If I recall correctly though, it was MEN ONLY in the whole of AA for some time at the beginning. Thank God that is no longer the case.
:o
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Welcome to MIP, Richard. Sounds like you're all good here. Not much for me to add right now except to commend you in your sensibilities & realising your issue before you lost anything more than your peace of mind & self control. It's an encouraging thing that you have family in fellowship already. When you find your feet & are able to share & trust with them your relationships will find new reaches you hadn't expected. It's a wonderful thing. My sister has just recently taken to meetings & I hope she finds the joy & freedom they & the program bring me. I hope you enjoy your first meetings & the whole of early recovery. It is fantastic you've found this path :) Goodluck & Godbless, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I just attended my first AA meeting this afternoon! I was much more than I thought it would be.
There were between 30 and 40 adult men and women there from every walk of life. I was warmly greeted and a gentleman named Don got together a 1st step meeting just for me with about 10 of the men that were there.
The thing that kept coming through to me was that these people really care and want to help.
I am going back tonight to another meeting and my wife will be attending also. She will be going to the Al Anon portion.
Thank you all for the input over the last few days. I really appreciate you taking the time to help and hope that someday soon I can invest in other lives like you have mine!
Hey Richard, that's awesome that you had a good experience at your first meeging. I was so banged up and ashamed that all I could do was cower in the back sweating and shaking in this church basement. I probably spent the first month like that. every time I tried to speak my voice cracked and I stuttered. I felt like crying but I couldn't because I was too numb.
'Hey Richard, that's awesome that you had a good experience at your first meeging. I was so banged up and ashamed that all I could do was cower in the back sweating and shaking in this church basement. I probably spent the first month like that. every time I tried to speak my voice cracked and I stuttered. I felt like crying but I couldn't because I was too numb."
I am very thankful that I had a good experience and that I immediately felt a camaraderie with these men. As they went around the table telling their stories and giving accounts of their lives there wasn't one of them that I could not relate to. Regardless of age or status.
I genuinely appreciated those men. Can't wait to get back tonight!
-- Edited by TooTaaToo on Monday 25th of May 2009 02:14:22 PM
-- Edited by TooTaaToo on Monday 25th of May 2009 02:14:48 PM
Excellent, excellent, Richard!!! So glad that you went, and so glad that you could relate to the stories. You are well on your way. Just KEEP COMING BACK to the meetings! It really does work. I'm heading to my regular home group meeting tonight, and will happily do my coffee commitment. Even though I'm going to miss my L.A. Lakers playoff game; I know that if I took a drink, I'd miss much more than a basketball game. Besides, that's what taped highlights are for, right?
Excellent, excellent, Richard!!! So glad that you went, and so glad that you could relate to the stories. You are well on your way. Just KEEP COMING BACK to the meetings! It really does work. I'm heading to my regular home group meeting tonight, and will happily do my coffee commitment. Even though I'm going to miss my L.A. Lakers playoff game; I know that if I took a drink, I'd miss much more than a basketball game. Besides, that's what taped highlights are for, right?
Love, BGG
Sure thin BGG. The real highlights will be at tonight's meeting!
