Hi all, I have worried about my drinking for a long time now. I used to drink 3 to 4 glasses of wine on a Friday and Saturday night, more if I was out. Since I quit smoking five years ago, I started drinking almost nightly. I thought it helped with some anxiety I have always had. Now I drink wine every night, almost a bottle, or I finish it. I don't drink during the day, don't get a hangover, don't get shaky when I don't drink, but I know I either have a problem, or am headed for a very serious problem. I don't want the drunk life anymore. I have done some stupid things, fueled by alcohol, and made my husband and kids uncomfortable. Nothing dangerous, just stupid. I am probably headed for dangerous.
I want to be sober. I don't have stories like some I have read, but I can see myself sliding down that hill. I have a lot of anxiety now because of my volunteer work, which makes it worse, and I just don't know how to handle that anxiety without it putting me in the hospital. I get really edgy, can't sit still, chest gets tight. Red wine - that all slides away. It is the best feeling in the world - that anxiety going away. But one glass handles that, and I can't stop at one. So I have to stop altogether.
I am afraid. I am afraid that when I go to this meeting, I will be committed to the fight of my life. Quitting smoking almost killed me - literally. I used to take the patch off and then smoke, and I put myself in the ER with heart palpitations. How can I handle quitting drinking with all that goes on in my life?
Welcome to MIP, Nancylee!!! We are glad you are here. It is entirely normal for you to be afraid right now; I've never met anyone who came to their first few (or several) A.A. meetings unafraid. What motivated me to come despite my fear was that I was tired of drinking. Like you, I didn't have lots of major catastrophes, never experienced the D.T.s, and mainly drank at home at night (nightly by the end). But, I was so lonely and so disgusted with myself. So, I walked through the fear and went to my first meeting. And, what happened? I found a bunch of people who I really identified with; who understood exactly what I was feeling. In time, the fear went away, and I became comfortable going to meetings, and then began really looking forward to meetings. How do I stop drinking and still function with all of the things that go on in life? One day at a time. In the beginning, when I wanted a drink, I went to a meeting, called another sober member of A.A., read A.A. literature, sat on my hands, prayed, cried. And then, one day, I realized that I hadn't even thought about drinking for a long time. Very rarely now does the thought even cross my mind, and when it does, it passes very quickly. This can happen for you too. Go ahead and take that step into the first meeting; it will get easier and better a day at a time.
Hi BGG, Yes, I sound like you do. I am lonely, getting to the point where I won't do things because I would rather stay home and drink wine. I want to stop it, I want to live again. My fear is the anxiety I feel, the chest tightening I get around 5PM, which only red wine has cured. I hope I can find another cure, because to live with this type of anxiety is terrible. Thank you,
I read your post, and just wanted to say a big Welcome to you, for the most part trying to stay off of computer, due to some bad eye strain, but congratulations on going to that meeting.
Hope to say more, when I can use this computer a little more.
Welcome to MIP, Nancylee. You can do this 1Day@aTime, with us & with the help of A.A. & meetings. You've every hope & I'm glad you've recognised the progressive nature of this disease. I got an early escape & I'm now 2.5 yrs sober. It is a fantastic life without alcohol. All those old embarrassments are gone & my self-respect is growing & growing. I remember the first time after a few weeks away from the drink and finishing work after a particularly stressful week, just the experience of being home & able to make some food completely chilled me out without a drink. It was Amazing! I'd never had that before & it will come to you too.
I'm sorry you're experiencing anxiety right now but with perserverance all this will pass. I know for sure continuing in taking drink to 'medicate' it will prolong it. Sobriety will give your body the chance to recover & you'll learn how to deal with the mental & emotional side of this illness. Get to as many meetings as you can & keep on talking. This relieves stress too. We're here for you & my experience tells me life will get better for you too. Keep up all your efforts & nurture your desire not to drink. It's the first gift you have :) Godbless & hope to hear more of how it's going for you, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Nancylee, I used to find so much comfort from anxiety in that first few drinks. Now I step into a meeting, crack my neck, close my eyes and start listening. It has replaced what drinking used to do. Not to say I dont still get anxious, but I have opened myself up to a fellowship and things are getting better at 7 plus months sober. So...the replacement for drinking away my anxiety was meetings mostly. Hope you find the same when you go.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hi all, Thanks for sharing with me. I went to my first meeting last night. It was small, about a dozen people, so there were lots of quiet times. I cried through most of it. When I couldn't stand the silence at one point, I dove in. I hadn't planned on it.
I am Nancy and I am an alcoholic. Before last night, I would NEVER admit that. Even though I am not on the bottom yet, I cannot control my drinking. I am headed there. I spoke, I cried, I bawled, loudly, I yelled "Life sucks, and it is messy, but I still don't want to live it in a bottle." I hope I didn't freak everyone out. I let go of lots of pain right there. The people were wonderful. Like I would imagine the Jesus I believe in would be. Comforting, there for me, enfolding. The meeting was like the best church service in the world.
I am going back tonight. I had peace after that for the first time in years. It was a miracle.
Joy!!! I'm so happy for you, Nancy xx Your healing tears will have helped so many in that room last night to stay sober another day. I've cried through many meetings as the stiff, numb pain my heart melted making me real again. We're not alone & your courage is leading your way with hope & gratitude for these new experiences. Life will change for you beyond recognition so slowly that at times you might not notice how much yet be amazed all the same. Keep posting here & writing at home. Sobriety is a wonderful journey & you'll find it interesting to look back & see how you've changed & continue to do so. Goodluck with finding a woman you trust to share in sponsorship & the program with. The fellowship exists outside of meetings too, like here :) Godbless, Danielle xx
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Yep, sounds a lot like my first meeting. So proud of you. The fact that you shared the way you did is so important and it is a good indicator that AA will work for you. Why do I say this? Because you were honest and honesty is where it all begins starting at step 1. Great job!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
