Aloha ...Alohagal!

Though it might not seem like this your body, mind and spirit are probably
celebrating while yet waiting for the next shoe to drop, that you have not
taken a drink in 8 days.  They were not made for booze and probably are
happy not to be under the influence.  And too your spirit must be as glad.
Maybe the book is helping some...informing you and making you more
relaxed without alcohol still you are alone an alcoholic nursing an alcoholic.
My suspicion that everyone in the rooms of AA when I first got there for real
would jump up, laugh and point an accusing finger at me when I announced
my condition in turn with the others never happened.  I was quietly welcomed
and allowed to sit where I had chosen an listen to the healing shares.  Dry is
not sober when you consider that you have a disease of the mind, body, spirit
and emotions.  This is a physical disease with spiritual solutions.  

Take the book with you if you have to and get to an open AA meeting.   All
you have to do, for yourself, is listen.

In support....(((((hugs)))))

That first meeting is always the hardest then after it is over you can't wait for the next one.  Go... relax and enjoy.. and you'll be on your way to a great new journey.

Years ago I was given a definition to what anger was - "Anger is fear turned inside out."  I've always liked that quote and still use it today when anger raises its ugly head.  All I have to do is ask myself, "What am I scared of?"

And usually it comes back to my own insecurities and the anger leaves...

Best wishes,
Dave

Hi Alohagal, I am glad what I wrote helped.  The first couple of months were scary but I got through it with meetings meetings and more meetings.  Your being able to read, write, and reflect is inspiring.  I couldn't hardly concentrate to read.  Meetings saved me...and finding a sponsor at day 6.  It will be so much easier when you have more support.  Not easy, but easier.  AA is so loving and I never had a place to go where it was okay to just be me in a large group, where I fit in just by having the same troubled past and thought patterns.  What a gift.  And all I had to do was admit I was an alcoholic.  It is a WE program.  I couldn't figure out how to stay sober on my own and I still can't.  I'm really dumb when it comes to my disease.  AA is the safety net that keeps me from falling flat on my ass.  It will work for you.  Try not to overthink it.  You get in a meeting routine and the rest falls into place.  You sound like you really want it.  Try not to be scared.  Help is a good thing and it's brave to seek it.  I said at my first meeting (crying of course) "it took all my strength to come here."  Strangely, it didn't take any strength like that to make the next and the next and the next meeting.  People gave me their phone numbers, a big book, and even drew a map for me to the nearest clubhouse.  It was that easy after that first meeting.

Being longwinded as usual but I wanted to share that I had to move within a month after starting this journey.  My bed, my couch, my coffee table, my dressers, and my computer were all donated to me by people in AA.  That is how much people cared about me right off the bat.  My gratitude for AA is endless at the moment and I hope it never goes away.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 12th of May 2009 10:09:29 PM