Hi All, Tomorrow will be 4 months sober for me. I don't understand why I'm having such a hard time. I have a sponsor and am working the steps, get to as many meetings as I can (I have an illness that keeps me in bed way too much), when I can't get to meetings I have a wonderful group of women that brings them to me. The day before yesterday I had a full blown panic attack, tho I didn't know what it was til after it happened. At the time I thought for sure I was dying or finally had lost my last marble. I'm depressed all the time and can't stop crying. Now that I don't drink my relationship with my husband, in every single area, is pretty much non-existent (he still drinks a fair amount, and I don't know how to relate to him-in any way-sober). I don't get out with the family even when my illness isn't affecting me because everyone around us drinks. A lot. At times I wonder what the point is of not drinking. I KNOW I'm an alcoholic. But what kind of life is this? I'm scared, sad and alone. The stress in my house and with my lupus is unbearable. I feel like I was a better person when I handled the stress with alcohol. Now I literally can't function. Please help? Karin
Ohaat, it takes time. Really I didn't start have a string of what I'd call "good days" (more than 1 or 2 a week) until I had about 6 months. It didn't take only 4 months for you to become an alcoholic. You've got to give yourself, mind, and body time to heal. It's kinda like being in a coma for several years. You'd have to learn how to do everything all over again and would feel like a baby in many respects. Hang in there, it gets better. The full moon is like tomorrow. That always makes me feel worse if I'm not feeling great. It'll pass.
I know what it's like. Just try and stay positive. All I can say is that old habits die hard and sometimes you have to change the situation to make things better.
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You have to live life to the fullest because you don't know what you got till it's gone.
Take heart, Karin. It will get better with time. You are healing & we didn't get in a mess in 1Day.. It takes awhile to iron out & for the moods to settle. Enjoy your early recovery while it lasts as you are growing & changing though you may not recognise this yet. With a little more time & more of your hard work, you'll turn around & realise how far you've come despite your difficulties & it is all so worth it. If you can possibly spend more time out of bed then give yourself some doable, interesting & enjoyable things to do. You deserve to have a good time & enjoy your sobriety.
If you're weak or in pain then get yourself an extensive amount of our recovery literature. There is so much of it to read & I spent alot of my time in early recovery soaking it all up. Your sobriety will get easier. I can understand that it's hard having a drinker around but you will learn how to get used to & accept this. Your sobriety is worth it. Keep on putting one foot in front of the other & if you can write, keep a journal of your thoughts. I write love letters to my HP saying thankyou for the things I'm grateful for. That's nice to read after awhile & it helps me to stay connected & feeling postive. You're not alone.
I'm glad you have such loving fellowship around you. Thanks for being here. I hope something of this helps. I'm thinking of you & sending prayers, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Congrats on 4 months! That is a great accomplishment. I've been launching a bit too much into "all about me stories" on here, but I will just share that getting sober did throw me into a major depressive episode. I guess thankfully, I've had that diagnosis/illness for a long time and knew it was not a reason to give up. The meetings and fellowship were about all that took me out of it. I had to change my meds and start therapy and it has lifted for the most part in the last 2 months. So...given me having 7 months now...I hope your experience is the same and you should be feeling a lot better in the next month or 2. Hang in there.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 9th of May 2009 11:40:10 PM
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