I am new to the internet. I have tried all day today to look for answers. I figured I would try here.
I am an alcoholic, I know that. I spent time in rehab (28 day program) about 10 years ago. I have fallen back into that same behavior. My problem is my family doesn't seem to believe me or want to believe it. I feel I need rehab or some kind of therapy again. My family tells I don't.
Hello Karen, I'm new to this site as well and I can tell you it is great here. I knew I was an alcoholic and the only one that could not figure out why I could not stay sober was ny mother. What I had to finally do to the one's who"Just didn't get it" was to let the read out of the big book about to the family, there is a section for them as well as you to read and I also had to say "MOM you will never ubderstand what I go through daily, because you are NOT an alcoholic. They do not know how you feel or hurt. They probably don't see you cry when you have had to much and wonder why did I di this to myself again. Oh my god I remember all of it like it was yesterday and guess what today I have 15 months and 2 weeks. Keep your head up and write,write, and then write somemore to me or anyone else, you are safe here and will get the answers that you need. Have a good one!
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Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is!
Well this goes back aways, but i also went through a 28 day program, and in a year was doing the same old thing, my family's attitude was "well Rehab did not work, so why try that again.
Looking back, it is funny now, sure was not funny then, but I relapsed so many times, and it was my husband that thought he was the better judge of whether I even need to go to meetings, based on how i was doing. (We were very stong Codependents), but even so, I knew he was not an Alcoholic, and did not have a clue as to what I needed. And interestly, I finally got in continuous sobriety, after that relationship was very over, and I returned to another state.
And Karin if you are an alcoholic, inside you know the answers, I really believe that. This is a fatal Disease, and family and friends, that are not alcoholics, simply do not understand the this Disease is made of two things, a Compulsion that is like a runaway train, with that first drink, and an allergy to our body. I truly believe that others have such loving and good intentions when they attempt to help us. But as we know, we are the only ones on the planet earth that truly understand what it means to be an active alcoholic, and where we are headed when we pick up that first drink, ar you familiar with the Big Book of AA, feel you probably are, and someone can have many years of continueous sobriety, and have an insane thought of "well I am out of town, and will have the waiter put some milk in that scotch, so it wont be a real drink", and that man woke up in a diffenent city, months later and did not know how he got there, just took that 1st drink to send him on that journey.
I call my Disease the Sleeping Gorilla, and never ever want to see him wake up, but that does not mean that someday he won't wake up. I have to be on daily guard to insure that that never happens, after so many years of Relapse, that were not very pretty to say the least, I do not believe I have another Recovery in me.
Even in long term sobriety, the Disease is always sitting in wait for us. So I hope that you will maybe get some counseling if you are not headed right back to AA, and that counselor might help you see that it is the Program of Alcoholics Anonoymous, that has a better chance of you getting sober, that any others that i know about.
I sure do wish you the best, and I'll be thinking of you. Have you asked God for help.
That is what changed this Alcoholic, and believe has changed thousands of other Alcoholic as well.
My very best to you Karin, Toni B
OOPS, sorry I forgot to say WELCOME!!! You have come to the right Place!!!
Why not just go check yourself into a rehab? Take care of YOU first and 'deal' with your family later - or better yet, don't 'deal' with them at all. I have learned in AA that just because someone is family doesn't mean they're right nor does it mean I have to be a part of their life if it's not good for me.
Please keep us informed.
Hugs and love!
Jen
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
It's okay to go get help without the family's permission or applause. Like it was said earlier you know you have a problem and now you know it is life threatening. Some of my family still don't accept that I am alcoholic. Some flat rejected it and got/still get angry when I do what is necessary for me (AA) without even being asked to participate. My recovery affects their drinking whether I like it or not. They won't/won't accept alcoholism as a disease. They look at it like it is some kind of moral weakness. LOL To think that they might be going thru some guilt and shame about their own drinking habits and events. When they are ready they will accept. For now Karen feels the need to get help....Let us support and love you into the program and don't worry about your family. Put them right in the middle of the hands of your Higher Power and get into recovery one day at a time.
Welcome home here. Keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
Alcoholism is a family disease. The family is usually also in denial and feels some sort of shame about it, like you represent them. Or maybe some of them have drinking issues and it makes them uncomfortable. Setting boundaries, with family, is part of recovery. I had to tell my family to mind their own business and actually limited the amount of time that I spent with them while I was in my first year, so that I could work on myself without getting into it with them. Only you are responsible for your recovery.
Glad your reached out for help. I spoke to my mother yesterday and the family is planning a disney cruise in November that I am expected to attend. I suggested that maybe my parents might fly down to watch me pick up a year medallion at the end of October and my mother acted like that was the most retarded thing ever. She then proceeded to tell me she didn't think I was an alcoholic and neither was my AA Uncle who used to drink a 12 pack every night and smack my cousins around the house. Talk about denial. Anyhow, I know what I am. I know what I did and where alcohol took me and will take me again if I let it. That's a good start I guess. You are going to get better help here probably from people with more sobriety than I, because I still feel kind of resentful and shitty about this reaction. Nonetheless, it's not stopping me from doing what I need to do.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome to MIP, Karen. For me I know that no experience could be a quickfix & that I need to work on staying sober everyday. It is my first priority so easily so Today it's become automatic & I have many small efforts that accumulate daily & are adding up to a life of sobriety 1Day@aTime. I could not do this without my meetings, my literature, my phone numbers, my postings at MIP & my helping other alcoholics. I have the 12Steps in my life that I use to help me live sober & keep me busy! Everyday is a fresh start & it begins again with little steps. The fellowship of A.A. makes a huge difference in my life & it could be this difference that will help support you in continuous efforts.
All you need is the desire not to drink & the rest will come with your willingness. Look up your local meetings & give it another go. If it's rehab you do need, you can have meetings when you can too. It's all power to your elbow. My family don't recognise alcoholism in me, they've all got their own problems & I've always managed somehow without necessarily having their understanding but I love them anyway. I stay sober for me, because I want to/need to so anyone else's opinions are surplus to requirements. If someone's giving me something useful for my recovery, Great.. If not, I'm moving forward regardless. I want this, & keep wanting it, no matter what. I hope your desire brings you all the joys you deserve & are looking forward to. Whether your family notice or not, your becoming healthier & well will be of benefit to them too but of course, at this point, you come first.
Good luck & please return to tell us how it's going for you. Wishing you love & luck, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I thank everyone for their imput. I wish I had the strength that you all do. I don't really know what kind of answers I am looking for anymore. I know I need help because I don't want to die because of alcohol. But I don't want to die alone because I am sober either. So many people have said to me - get help for yourself. You don't want to live like this anymore. And that makes alot of sense. When I am homeless on the streets, where are those people gonna be then?. I don't mean to sound angry (sorry) but I am. I want a quick fix for my problem and I know there isn't one. The same people who see me drunk almost daily are the same ones who tell me I don't have a problem. When you finally get to the point that you need someone to confide in and the only ones you have are in denial, its sad.
Whats sadder is the only time I can even say how I feel was here online. But thank you all again for your thoughts.
Karen, it may seem easier to stay in your situation now, because it doesn't require work but at some point that will change and you'll have to do something. Believe me, it's better to work on it sooner when the time frame is somewhat in your control, then later when it's not. If you know what I mean. One option is to go that route that many do. Which is going to a 30-90 day impatient rehab followed by living in a halfway house and working/living with recovering people. I didn't do rehab but I did live with recovering AAs for the first 3 years. 19 years later, I'm still clean and sober, have my own business for just as long and happily married 16 of those years. Life changes dramatically for the better in sobriety over time. It's waiting for you, but you have to do the do, just like everyone else. Even though it's work, it's a lot of fun and something different than just getting hammered and hanging out with the same dysfunctional people day in and day out. We'll leave the light on for you.
So good to see you here again. Something you said sort of popped out to me, about wishing you had the strengh that we do. I just dont see surrendering our drinking problems as a sign of strength. It was more of a complete admission that I had a real disease, that was surly going to put me in a grave, and in my heart I knew I would rather live, but not the way I was living.
Your sharing about your family and how you engage with them, and your statement of not wanting to die of alcoholism, but also did not want to die alone, sober. That also caught my eye. The second half of that is one of my Prayers to God, Please let me die sober. I live (happily) alone, so it would mean dying alone and Sober.
And your story today, sounds so much like mine, way back when, and Deans words of this is a Family Disease, so very true, my own experience, was that drinking at some point has a no turning back point to it, like a downward spiral. It never did gets better it contunued to get worse, as they say, and it is so true, Alcoholism is a Progressive Disease, it has stages, just like Cancer has stages, and I Pray that you will please look into getting help, if not the AA Meetings, go out and get some Professional help with a Therapist that really knows this disease, I did that when I was close to the end of the line, and that was the beginning of making a commitment to her. and also the beginning of a different life for myself, a Sober life.
It is so awesome to see people here, that are young and have so much still in their lives, and I Pray that will be the case with you.
Hello Karen, I'm new to this site as well and I can tell you it is great here. I knew I was an alcoholic and the only one that could not figure out why I could not stay sober was ny mother. What I had to finally do to the one's who"Just didn't get it" was to let the read out of the big book about to the family, there is a section for them as well as you to read and I also had to say "MOM you will never ubderstand what I go through daily, because you are NOT an alcoholic. They do not know how you feel or hurt. They probably don't see you cry when you have had to much and wonder why did I di this to myself again. Oh my god I remember all of it like it was yesterday and guess what today I have 15 months and 2 weeks. Keep your head up and write,write, and then write somemore to me or anyone else, you are safe here and will get the answers that you need. Have a good one!
