I had some interesting writings yesterday back and fourth with a friend about PEOPLE PLEASING.
We might all have a different view of this, but for me, even before recovery or drinking for that matter, I learned that people pleasing was the way to get around in this world.
And as I grew up, mastered that skill. But the problem with People Pleasing, for me was and certainly is today, a way of short changing yourself. Like smiling when you feel like frowning, or are in disagreement with what is going on.
This is something I have worked very hard at overcoming, and today feel I simply do not do any people pleasing.
Have a close relationship to my Higher Power, that I choose to call GOD, and find that it is a skill that simply is no longer required. That truly awesome discovery of this being GOD's world, and not how I preceive it, has changed everything in my life, with nothing left out, well there are little moments when I can start worrying and it might take a day to catch myself and almost laugh at the worry. Somewhere on this Board as I was reading, someone was writing about the emotion of worry and said , "worry is wasting imagination" very good description. Also at times what can stop the worry almost in a heartbeat, is the acknowledgment in my heart and mind that it is, what it is.
Grateful today, and just throwing out some thoughts,and hope that is has been pertinent to this Board.
Your post brings back memories of this journey of recovery. It raises again for me the filters of motives and unconditional love. Why I do what I do is always up front for me, "What are my attitudes...what are my motives ." Unconditional love is doing what I want to be done to and for me. Being loved unconditionally is "pleasing" and I can read it on the faces and body language of others when the loving thing I do also pleases them. Along the way I learned that unconditional love must be a choice. What happened after a long period of practicing that choice was that the choice became a character. Today I allow others the opportunity to choose if they want to feel pleased or not (attitude) for what ever reason (motive) regardless of whether I am involved or not. Its all spiritual.
I just want to say I can relate to your post, and ur rite everyones views are different.
Just to share alittle, from experience. when I was growing I always thought it and felt that to get anywhere was to please others. It wasn't until early in my sobriety after I almost lost everything including my self worth that I realized that I wasn't happy with who I was. And that it wasn't always the right to do was people pleasing I was insecure with myself.
Jerry mentioned unconditional love well that goes without saying, One persons heart has to be in the right place and motives are a part of that. I to am close to my higher power and first and for most I have work hard to give myself the uncondional love before I could give that to someone else.
Just my opinion, thanks for sharing and allowing my share
This post caught my attention. I have a hard time saying no to people sometimes. It can get frustrating. Sometimes I think I need to learn to stand up for myself and that it is ok to say no.
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You have to live life to the fullest because you don't know what you got till it's gone.
