"I don't think we can do anything well in this world unless we practice it. And I don't believe we do AA too well unless we practice it....We should practice...acquiring the spirit of service. We should attempt to acquire some faith, which isn't easily done, especially for the person who has always been very materialistic, following the standards of society today. But I think faith can be acquired slowly; it has to be cultivated. That was not easy for me, and I assume that it is difficult for everyone else..."
Dr. Bob And The Good Oldtimers, pp 307-08
Fear is often the force that pevents me from acquiring and cultivating the power of faith. Fear blocks my appreciation of beauty, tolerance, forgiveness, service, and serenity.
It took a while before I understood that fears fueled my defects and until I put the two together I was a bit confused. Yeah I did my fourth step but I could not see were Fear had been the root cause until a meeting about fear was the topic.(my sponcor liked me to figure things out so I could appreciate it, which happened) I heard for the first time the connection from the surface defects to the deep rooted one.
I went back home and looked over my fourth step and actually saw the fears in these situations that I had listed...I always let my fear dictate to me all my reactions because I had not one bit of humility to walk away and not participate in negativity, because I was fearful of what they might think of me. Or it wouldn't work out my way, Fear for just getting hurt.
Fear stagnated me and kept me from doing anything. Faith has me not worring about anything. I am able to trust that in the end it will all work out as long as I do the next right thing. I may never get what I want only what I need which is probably the best thing for me anyway...because what do I know...nothing...I have proved that to myself over and over. Until I let go absolutely...God does provide when you do his will. I know left on my own I would never have known that I even could be happy..and I am for the most part, thanks to this program which brought me to God. Now fear is a choice, heck everything is now. And wouldn't you know it but that was all I ever wanted.
