It looks as if this board is mostly for alcoholics trying to recover, but I am living with an extreme alcoholic. My boyfriend has been an alcoholic since he was 13 years old, he is now 33. I just can't take it anymore. I don't know what I am going to do.
He wakes up in the morning acting as if he is so unhappy (because he has no alcohol) he doesn't speek to me much, acts cold towards me and is just hateful. Then around 4 PM is when he gets his alcohol. He promises me everyday that he will only get two 40 oz King Cobra's, he lies everyday and gets Vodka. He does get the two 40 oz beers, but also lies and gets Vodka. He gets so evil on Vodka. He is drinking a half pint of Vodka daily- plus at least two 40 oz beers (but usually four of them daily)
I just can't take it anymore. I am trying to raise three children and deal with him. He will dance for hours after drinking too much, sucks his toes, staggers around the house, says MEAN things to me (like that I am a whore, bitch, ect) Yesterday he snuck and drank Vodka and got so mean that he pinched my arm so hard that he left a black bruise about the size of three quarters, today he drank Vodka and then bit me so hard that my arm is throbbing and I have a huge bite mark (with broken skin) on my arm. It hurts so badly.
It is a daily thing on how he is going to get $$ to get alcohol. He is drunk 98% of everyday. He is never sober. In fact, the times he is sober.. I have found that I really don't even like him that much because he is so hateful. At least when he is half lit, he can be tolerated. When he drinks Vodka, he turns into a monster. I am actually scared for myself. I am afraid one of these days he is going to hurt me.
After he sobers up.. he "claims" to be so sorry for what he did to hurt me. Promises it will never happen again and then does it again a few hours later. I can't take this anymore. To top it all off, everytime I try to leave him.. he tries to hurt himself. He tried to commit suicide two weeks ago because I tried to leave him (he took 26 Paxil, 15 Trazodone, and 15 Tylenols) ended up in the ICU for a day. I don't even know how I can safely leave. I want to leave, but am afraid.
What on earth am I going to do? He is never going to change. I know he isn't going to. He has been to rehab sooooooo many times. He buys beer on the way home from rehab. He doesn't want to change. This is how he wants life.
I am just afraid for myself and my children. What do I do?????
Up at the top of the main page, in the left corner, you will see the MIP Links, click on that, and it will take you straight to an Alanon Message Board, just like this one.
No one should have to live the way you are living.
I agree with Dean, immediate change is critcal, as I see it too. So PLEASE do go to the Alanon Site, and look for someone there that lead you where you need to go. Or look them up in your local telephone Directory. Help IS available to you, hopeing you find that help.
Hugs to you, Toni, Recovering Alcoholic
-- Edited by toni baloney on Thursday 23rd of April 2009 06:31:14 PM
Aloha Gina...You've over stayed the disease. It's gotten to be physical abuse (I am a retired ATV case manager) and I would suggest a TRO, Temporary Restraining Order, leading to a visit with the Family Court Judge. Pinching, Biting, name calling, threats and anything remotely like those are justification for jail time. I would suggest that you either call the police or go down to the police department...make a report, take the pictures, and have them take the purpetrator out of your house and do the TRO all in one visit. If they don't do the TRO you can go to a Family Crises Center and get one done. Nothing like a whole bunch of women coming to the aid of another abused one. You are not alone. The suggest for Al-Anon is right on!!...a very good suggestion, one I took years ago that saved my butt and my alcoholics life then mine. However you need protection now!! Do it even if you are afraid. Be afraid and go get the TRO...They know what fear is also and what you are going thru. If he treatens suicide again that is another justification for a TRO!! If you leave and that is his solution...Oh Well!! there are others if he wants change and any recovering alcoholic can help him with those.
In Al-Anon we often talk to new comers about the 3cs (cees)...We didn't CAUSE the disease, We cannot CONTROL the disease and we cannot CURE the disease. You didn't either.
I highly suggest you either take action to get help or ask someone else to help you get help and not the alcoholic. There are reasons why you have stayed in the situation but those can be talked about later...now you gotta do. Only fearful animals and mean naughty children to my knowledge, bite.
It's clear that this guy needs help. If he wants it, he knows where to get it. In the meantime he is a criminal. He is assaulting you and in this day and age, this is a "Domestic Related" police matter and he is arrestable. Call 911 the minute he pulls any of this crap on you. This is my advice, I deal with this everyday for a living. Save yourself and your children, it will get a hell of a lot worse before it gets better.
Scott
-- Edited by eastcoastscott on Friday 24th of April 2009 05:30:18 PM
__________________
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
I hope to see you come back here, and let us know how things are with you. Was so relieved to see two people here, Jerry and Scott articulate what needed to be said. Each one of them seem to know the details of what needs to get done for you to live in a safe place with your family.
Just popped in to say hello, and that I have been thinking about you, and wondering how things are for you and your family????
Just wanted to say you recieved some sound advice here and well if your intolerable and can't take anymore, you'll find the strength to do what you need to do, not only for you but if there's children involved here.
You need to put your safety along with the childrens saftey first and he sounds like he needs some serious help.
He treatens to heart himself because you'll leave him, well he does that for attention, what's it gonna take for you to gain strenght to leave him.
Take the advice you recieved here today and hope that you follow through with it, I can relate to this situation, been there......
Good morning, I just joined this forum and out of all the stories this one was the most appealing to me. You have to get away for your childrens' sake because believe me they will follow his pattern not yours. I grew up in an alchoholic home and well I went through a lot as a child and now as an adult. I love my parents to death, but I have to do it from a far. Get out you can make it on your own, believe me you are just settling its not love anymore. If you need to talk let me know. I am here.
