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Doll


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MY ES&H
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Just felt like sharing this morning..........


In 2004 the love of my life said to me " I don't like you when you drink."  I had known for quite a few years that I had a problem. What I didn't know was that I'm an alcoholic! I stopped using drugs in 1992 when I made that decision. Looking back, I thought I could / would eventually do that with alcohol.  By  2005 my life was so unmanageable and I didn't even know it. I thank my HP for my love giving me a choice, "Me ? or alcohol?"  It was then that I realized I could NOT stop no matter how hard I tried. I had lost control. What had been my friend for 25+ yrs had stabbed me in the back.  I had been betrayed and my heart was breaking! I had come to what is known as the jumping off place. I could no longer drink but didn't know how to NOT drink. Alcohol was killing me, in more ways than just physical. It had taken over my life and I didn't even know it. That's where the 'cunning, baffling, and powerful' comes into play for me.

In late June 2005 I came to this website after Googling "alcoholism" about 1000 times. I guess I thought educating myself would be a start. I laugh at that one now! Little did I know that I couldn't do it alone. The folks here, on MIP back then, supported me, sympathized and empathized with me and most importantly they encouraged me to try an AA meeting.  I attended my 1st meeting on Sunday, July 2nd. It was a speaker meeting and I identified with EVERYTHING that guy said. WOW! I really wasn't alone.

It took me another 3 yrs of binging from time to time to finally ACCEPT that I am an alcoholic, that I will always be an alcoholic and the only thing I can do about it is don't drink, just for today. Acceptance and one day at the time finally sank in, and the craving for alcohol was lifted.

On March 22 of this year I somehow managed to put together 18 months of 24 hours. I attend meetings regularly, I have a sponsor, who has a sponsor, I am involved with AA. I no longer ride on the edge. I'm right smack in the middle of it all.


Life is good today! No matter how hard things get, can be, I know there is NOTHING that a drink will make better.


Thank you all for being here. And for letting me share from my heart.


(((hugs)))

Jen

-- Edited by Doll on Sunday 29th of March 2009 08:56:38 AM

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eastcoastscott


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Hi Jen,

Thanks a million for that, very nice to read on a Sunday morning, made my day!!!


scott

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lani


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I am so glad you are here!!! As always, thanks for sharing your heart with us!!!

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Dakota


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" I no longer ride on the edge. I'm right smack in the middle of it all. "

You are doing fantastic! Wonderful share.

: )

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pinkchip


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I just stated in Dean's thread that this is the exact kind of thing that is helpful to me to hear.  Thank you Jen for sharing that.  You are an inspiration and it gives me hope that if you could put together a year and a half, I can do it too. I just finished a 1 month chairing commitment and now I need another one.  It seems to me that I cannot ride AA on the fringes or it wont work for me.  I identified with you stating that involvement is critical to recovery.  Part of step 1 for me involves not only surrendering to alcohol, people, places, and things, but I feel like I need to surrender to AA and let it guide my life towards health.  It sounds like this is what you did too and it's working.  Congrats on your 18 months!  What an achievement!

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StPeteDean


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Great share Doll thanks.



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learning


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From a nondrinker who needed answers to 'fix' what alcohol was doing in my life, landing here was one of the best things I did for myself. Listening to 'the otherside' (by listening I mean absorbing not just 'hearing' the words) has taught me more than I couldv'e have imagined. And for the wisdom of all that is spoken here, I feel I've grown in many ways.
I, too, have come to realize I couldn't cope on my own and in a large part my heart is indebted to you, Jen, along with some others. Thank you!!!!


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Jerry F


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Aloha Jen and Mahalo Nui (Thanks so much) for that beautiful share.  I related to it
from my own experiences and you helped me realize that while I often attend
meetings to build a resistence to relapse what works the miracle is listening to the
rerun of recovery.  AA is what works.  It is the only thing I have found that does for
me.  Thanks for the rerun.

(((((hugs))))) smile

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Sobrietyspell


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Happy Birthday for 1.5 years 1Day@aTime! You keep it very simple & hardline, Doll & I'm always reassured by your gutsy trust in the message to be given to be heard. If we didn't have a program & principles at the core of this fellowship & our meetings, I believe we wouldn't be here & I'm glad to be able to keep on gravitating to the centre of A.A. like you say. I need this like I need & want not to drink. A.A. was there & cradled me when I could not stop for myself & I'm glad it's here today lovingly supporting me in my desire not to drink & helping me to feel useful in sharing this with others as is always shared with me too. Thanks for being here & sharing your story with us, Jen. In Unity, Service & Recovery, Danielle x

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Rob84


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Jenn,
Congrats on the 1.5 yrs. And thanks for sharing a little of your story.

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Rob

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Phil


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Way to go there Dolly!!

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Doll


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Phil, my friend, you saved my life. I will always be grateful to you.


Love you!

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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
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Ms London


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Thank you Jen, what a great post. It made me smile.

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