Denial....

OHAAT · Member

Denial....

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Karin, you're doing brilliantly. Two and a half months is a fantastic achievement & a good solid start to some long term sobriety 1Day@aTime. Don't give up. You know you will feel horrid if you take that first drink again & end up back at Day1. Remembering that helped me to stay sober in my early recovery too. That & determination & love for myself. You have stopped drinking for a reason & a purpose & you know it wants to wiggle its way back into your life. Keep up your mental defences & your Higher Power close. Sharing here is a great way to release those inner stinking thinking thoughts & access the love & fellowship you so deserve. You only have to stay sober for 24 hours at a time. An hour at a time or minutes at a time sometimes & you'll wake up into a new day sober & willing to do it over again.

You Can Do It! And you Are Doing It! We Are Doing This Together. None of us is alone. I'm sorry to hear about your physical difficulties & wish you extra love & nurturing for that. Keep yourself sober & your body will keep recovering & regaining the strength you need to deal with this conditon too. Your body is still healing from the alcohol use & will take time to fully recuperate but every day you stay sober you're saving your best energy to deal with your Lupis. Stay strong & firm in your desire not to drink. That in itself is such a gift & I'm glad you're here sharing with us. Loads of Love & here's to another Happy Sober Day :) Danielle x

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

(((Karin))) :42:

Two and 1/2 months is HUGE!! Good on you!!! The first 90 days my disease talked to me a lot and very loudly. The most helpful thing, for me, was when someone would ask me to remember what was going on when I walked in the door of AA and would ask if I wanted to go back there. That is a very good tape for me to replay. And I still have to play it some days. Luckily for me, I made that turning point while watching the world keep on going without me, from my back door. This may sound dumb, but I love my back door. It's the best reminder sometimes. I think if we ever move that door may come too.

If I hadn't been to a meeting in over a week, I think my committee would be active too. It sound like you've got a great support system and I'd suggest you call one of them too. Thats one of the reasons I give women my phone number. I, too, have heard other members say that after their bodies start recovering from alcohol some other physical problems ease up too.

I'm going to keep you close in my prayers.

:101:

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Karin, there nothing bad enough that alcohol won't make worse. Alcohol dulls our senses and our judgment/decision making. You're close to my age, fall down and break your hip and it might take a year to heal. Can you afford one or two more medical problems? I just talked to neighbor on facebook, his father fell down the stairs 2 days before christmas, broke his neck and died. This disease kills people. I shouldn't be alive but for the grace of God. We're not talking about acting badly or other minor inconveniences.

What worked for me, besides going to meetings daily (and if you've time to think about drinking, you've got time for a meeting) is praying for the obsession to drink to be removed. I did this daily for a little over 6 months, woke up one day and never really thought about having a drink since. It works.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Health reasons alone should be incentive to stay sober. A bad ass hangover is going to make the Lupus worse the next day no? Not to sound harsh, but I can tell you have a lot to deal with and I would not be able to get through anything like you are talking about without meetings, fellowship, and a sponsor.

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha (((((Karin)))))

Alcoholism isn't called a compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body for nothing!

Lupus is curable now rather than in the 50's and 60's.    Tuberculosis is also
curable!!   Both of them need healthy blood in order for the person to survive aaaah then comes alcohol which does to blood what is not natural for blood.
Alcohol is not a food source and was never created for health...just for the buzz.
It is anesthetic though and you get to pay the price in spades for the loss of
feeling.   I read your post and think about the metaphor about being between
a rock and a hard place and then the metaphor disappears when you say
desire, sponsor, other recoverying family and meetings.   I didn't see much denial.
I read a lot of reality in your post, even the reality of what you need because of
where you are at.

I will add my spirit to be sober to yours and will keep you in my desire as the day
goes on. HP has very large hands. Go rest in HP's palms and let HP carry you as
you rest your weary self.

"Abandon your self to God as your understand God..."

(((((hugs))))) smile