hi folks.....finally making some progress in a certain relationship.....up to now i could recite forward, backward, and inside out the slogans....yet somehow internalizing them was a different tune...in my head i had em down pat.....in my heart....where i needed to apply them the most....that was different.....i kept doing the same things over and over in that relationship....and oh yeah....i expected different results!......dahhhhhhhh............this time around........things clicked.....oh both levels...head and heart.....i cant change someone else from there ways......this time.....i asked myself....instead of reacting towards the other person.....what is it about me????.......i can accept now.......with this particular person....it doesnt matter how i approach it.....its gonna be the same result.....it has nothing to do with me....only that i kept putting myself in it.......i can accept that not everyone has the same core values as i do....the same maturity....ect.......i gotta step back and away....let em figure it out for themself.....just like i do for myself.....like ophrah said....love doesnt hurt........thanks for listening
Thanks, Debbi. I can relate. I was incapable of having a healthy relationship because I was to fearful and co-dependent on others. I was a people pleaser and didn't take care of myself. The slogans, yah- I can relate. Some days I have them down pat and other days I can't seem to remember sh*t. The some days I have the slogans down but can't apply them myself. My friend has a saying that holds true for me... take my advice, I'm not using it. I did the same things expecting different results and knowing the results wouldn't change and still did them. I was sick. Today with my HP, 12 steps, sponsor and the program I've made progress in overcoming these short comings and feel good. I continually look for ways to improve myself. I've noticed as I improve, my relationships and situations I'm in are much improved. Wishing you success in your journey.
You can't change the person, but you can change the personnel
sometimes, my reaction to a certain person is inappropriate and I'm not in the position to change it in real time, so I remove myself so that I can work on it. Sometimes it's the association with that person that just isn't going to work.
Working on relationship skills, while you're in unhealthy one, is like trying to work on a car while driving down the street. Dangerous at best.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 16th of March 2009 02:12:09 PM
I thought I was making good progress but now have become frustrated and had a relapse. I have had a lot of dissapoinments of late and it's just making me upset. I could use a little comfort.
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You have to live life to the fullest because you don't know what you got till it's gone.
Welcome back to MIP, Debbi. You're most welcome & I'm glad you're looking at your own stuff. We are powerless over other people & we can only change ourselves. This is the continuous lesson I learn & learn again in A.A. I joined this board around the same time as you & haven't seen you around much. I'd like to know how things have been working out for you. If we share a singleness in purpose to stay sober 1Day@aTime we've much in common. I got stuck in with the program pretty soon. I took a Sponsor & picked up the Steps. I had to because I was slipping all over the place to begin with. As soon as i took the Program seriously & applicable to me, my life & me began to change & I have 2.5 years sobriety 1st April Godwilling. I'm glad you're making good recognitions in your relationships. I can certainly identify with that too. For me I made getting & staying sober my top priority & so far it's worked :)
Welcome to you too, Kkotz. Get back in your sobriety saddle & build a relationship with a sponsor who's sobriety you respect & share in what they have & how they got it. I love my Sponsors & I did two Step 4 & 5s with two different ladies.. Doing whatever it took for me to get & stay sober. It hurt & my relapses in the early days were painful but I learned alot from them & they made me more determined to build my mental defences. I went to many meetings & miracles began to happen & they're still happening today. You're not alone. Go to some meetings & share where you're at. Let yourself be loved & don't give up on your sobriety. You are worth it, Godbless you both, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
