I had no idea how truly insane my drinking behavior was, and could not bear to face it when it was suggested that I was in fact mentally ill. However, I could not deny it when I realized that my destructive alcoholic behavior was positive proof, that I could not claim soundness of mind for myself. .-Anonymous
Thought to Ponder . . .
There is only one corner of the universe I can be certain of improving,
and that's my own self.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
H O W = Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness.
A MEMBER SHARES: Hi everybody, I'm Mike, alcoholic. I used to think that going to AA would be insane, because I could control my drinking anytime I wanted. The problem was, I never really wanted to. But when I did, things became extremely insane for me. I could not stop. All those years of lying to myself and saying I could handle it were now catching up to me. I found myself pouring alcohol into my body, when my mind was screaming not to. This scared me. I was not myself. I was truly feeling insanity -- an 'out of mind' experience, as it were. My drinking had taken me to bad places before, but I could always rationalize the situation, whatever it was. This time, however, there was nothing to rationalize. I was clearly out of control and out of my mind. It really scared me to think I may not come back from that. A power greater than myself (seven of them) whisked me off to detox, where the reality of my insanity sank in for the first time, and acceptance began to appear on the horizon. I found peace in the rooms of AA. I knew to go there, since I had seen others lives change because of their involvement. I found serenity there. True serenity. A haven from the insanity I thought I might never escape. I have not left the program since that time. Thoughts of going back to that insane way of life are frightening even now. I'm glad for that. I now know that my insanity was not recognizing that I was insane -- truly insane. I now know that acceptance was the opening of the door to my coming back from the insanity. My release from the bondage of self. I found in AA more than I ever realized. That there is a peace I had been seeking all along, and I could have it if I just worked for it. For me, AA is the easier, softer way. Everything else I tried was truly insane. Thanks for being here and letting me share.
I am scared to be sober. I know what i am doing is wrong and is hurting everyone around me but i don't know if i can stop. It took my soul and i want it back. I turned 21 and started going out every weekend then all of a sudden i couldn't rationalize the extent of my drinking to me being in my 20s. It went from friday and saturday to everyday. Drinking makes the day go faster. I don't have to feel it or remember it but then It went way too far and now i don't think I am doing to survive the detox. I don't want anyone to know what is going on but i thought i was going to have a heart attack and was shaking this morning till i reached the level i needed to be at. Mike i know what you mean about not being yourself. I am so happy that you found your peace. It helped me hearing your story if that means anything
Hello and Welcome Pinky!! I'm so glad you shared with us!! I use to drink too, to make the day end quicker. But, the problem was there was always the next day. That damn vicious cycle!! What I've learned since I've gotten sober is that I was not equipped to deal with life. The Program of Alcoholics Anonymous has changed my life completely. I was so ready for death, but not anymore!!!
I also thought I would not survive detoxing, but I did. It was not easy, but with a lot of help I made it through. Please place a call you local AA. You don't have to give your name or anything else and please don't try to detox alone. I worked with my G.P. and tried to trust him to call the shots. After a little detoxing with the doc and some meetings, I started on a path that is truly amazing and you can do it too!
There's a room full of people, who have been where you are, and they're waiting to help you.
Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
