I was forty-six years old before I finally admitted to myself and someone else that my grandfather always managed to make me feel guilty, angry, and controlled. -- Anonymous
We may love and care about our family very much. Family members may love and care about us. But interacting with some members may be a real trigger to our codependency - sometimes to a deep abyss of shame, rage, anger, guilt, and helplessness.
It can be difficult to achieve detachment, or an emotional level, with certain family members. It can be difficult to separate their issues from ours. It can be difficult to own our power.
Difficult, but not impossible.
The first step is awareness and acceptance - simple acknowledgment, without guilt, of our feelings and thoughts. We do not have to blame our family members. We do not have to blame or shame ourselves. Acceptance is the goal - acceptance and freedom to choose what we want and need to do to take care of ourselves with that person. We can become free of the patterns of the past. We are recovering. Progress is the goal.
Today, Higher Power, help me be patient with myself as I learn how to apply recovery behaviors with family members. Help me strive today for awareness and acceptance.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Out side of my AA readings, I also love the Language of Letting Go and I loved todays reading.
I had to detached from a family member because of the drama and insanity and how I allowed it to affect me. I've struggled with this for 2 years because of what I thought my responsibility were (or not) to this person. I haven't heard from this family member since January. While I remember them everyday, most days I don't even think about not talking with them. I have stayed in touch with short notes via US mail. (a couple of times now) My sponsor has been great at letting me sound this out and in the end has helped me see what I need to see. And when I could hear, I could hear God's message for me, through others.
Anyway, thanks for the post, I was missing this person yesterday and I needed this reading to replay the tape.
