We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person's feelings. It's impossible; the two acts contradict.
What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries!
It's good to care about other people and their feelings; it's essential to care about ourselves too. Sometimes, to take good care of ourselves, we need to make a choice.
Some of us live with a deeply ingrained message from our family, or from church, about never hurting other people's feelings. We can replace that message with a new one; one that says it's not okay to hurt ourselves. Sometimes, when we take care of ourselves, others will react with hurt feelings.
That's okay. We will learn, grow, and benefit by the experience; they will too. The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves, and allows others to be responsible for themselves.
Caring works. Caretaking doesnt. We can learn to walk the line between the two.
Today, I will set the limits I need to set. I will let go of my need to take care of other peoples feelings and instead take care of my own. I will give myself permission to take care of myself, knowing its the best thing I can do for others and myself.
From The Language of Letting Go
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Wow...the last three things I read on here have hit me like a ton of bricks! Need to vent a moment and free myself from the guilt I feel! First off...regarding a slip! I think for me, even though I didnt officially slip by drinking or using, I slipped by not working my program, the steps, or prayer on a daily basis!
In facing something I didnt want to do, I avoided all the things I need to do to be alright with the decision I made for myself! My sponsor wants me to go to a retreat and I really have no desire to go...Its out of town, wont be awfully expensive but really dont have a desire to go...
My huge character defect...AVOIDANCE...has kicked right in....She really isnt taking no for an answer...even though I have stated before,,,,NO is a complete sentence....So, the old me just hasnt called her back, even though she requires that I call her daily...Now, 3 days have gone by and Im embarrassed to call...hummmmmm.....
It has totally messed with my head and I also see another defect creeping up...People pleasing...saying yes just to make the other person happy...done that one all my life! How immature and childish is all of this!!!
Shared with Carol that the hard part of my program is just beginning...Today it isnt about whether I drink or not, it is about growing up, taking responsibilty and really FEELING my emotions....Hate that part and learning to face myself, who I am today is very difficult....Yes it is time to grow up and Im not liking it!!!! So, any ESH would be appreciated!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I am dealing with a situation right now where I am going to have to set a boundary. And it will be awkward and difficult, but I clearly can't handle the situation the way it was.
I'm going to have to call my sponsor tomorrow and discuss some things!
Thank you all for being here and posting. You have been a tremendous source of comfort to me this last week.
