Advice

Paul Dylan · Member

Advice

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

How can a meeting hurt? Seeking help for yourself is brave. Go for it. They say if you are thinking about a meeting, you should go to a meeting and then think about it.

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Hello Paul and Welcome to MIP!! We're glad you're here!!!

Many of us recovering alcoholics have tried a lot of other things to get sober. Therapy, church, self-help out the yen yan and on and on. But, for me and, I'm guessing, thousand of others, the A.A. Program has been the only thing that has worked. I'm going to attach the link for our AA Big Book. It was written a long time ago, but I've found the words still apply today.

I hope you'll make a meeting and please keep coming back and tell how you're doing!!!

Glad you're here!!

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/

Paul Dylan · Member

Thanks for getting back to me. I will go to a meeting. I've hurt all those that love me so much, they don't want to know me any more. I have to leave the family home by the end of the month, so I need to start my rehab very quickly. Knowing others that have had similar experiences make you feel much less lonely.
Thanks.

Paul

Paul Dylan · Member

Thank you for your advice. I need all the help I can get at the minute. It is such a lonely pass time drinking, no one wants to know you, I can see why as well.

Cheers
Paul

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

This may seem like the end of the world, but really it is your chance to start living. The changes will be hard, but please trust me AA will be there for you and it WILL help if you let it. Consider this a start of the better you. You are in recovery starting today and you never have to drink and hurt others again.

lucaskywalker · Member

Hi Paul and welcome :)
I was terrified the first few times I went to meetings, scared of everything from what it meant about me, to the types of people I would encounter. But by going, it also gave me hope that my life could get better, which appealed to me because I had been completely hopeless and miserable for so long.
I recommend trying to find a meeting schedule online if you can. If you go here: http://www.aa.org and follow the link "How to Find AA Meetings," then type in your zip code, it should get you well on your way. From there, if you are familiar with your city you may see some places (churches, temples, community centers) listed that you are familiar with, and you can start there.
After I got to know a couple people, developed a support network, and discovered which of the meetings in my area that I liked best, I was grateful for the courage (or desperation, perhaps) to walk through the doors.
You might find a bunch of people just like you in the rooms :)

It hasn't been an entirely smooth ride for me, but to provide a simple answer for you: yes, it has most definitely helped. A lot :)
It can't hurt!

Paul Dylan · Member

Thank you for getting back to me.I've just had a look on the main website and there's a meeting near where I live tomorrow night, i'm deffinately going to go. What i'm really struggleing with is how miserable i've made everyone I know. The shame is the most painfull part of it all. Feeling totally helpless, and i'm so horrible when i'm drunk. I feel i've wasted so much of my soon to be ex wife and kids lives. The selfishness of it all, not thinking of others before I go on a bender. Silly really, as it really isn't that complicated, just don't buy any booze then I won't get drunk, but it doesn't seem to be that easy. I've upset pretty much everyone I know as well.

Paul Dylan · Member

I really have pushed my wife and kids far to far. Getting drunk all the time has ruined my family life. I am so ashamed of all of what i've done, I hope sharing all what i've done will ease the pain, I know that sounds selfish but before I can improve my relationship with my 2 sons, I need to have sorted myself out first. I don't have a chance with my wife sadly, i've made her life a misery, and understandably she wants nothing more to do with me.

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Paul I'm going to share with you what was shared with me when I first came in the Program. Just for today, forget about yesterday, don't think about tomorrow, keep yourself and hands busy staying sober today.

It took me years to make the mess I made and I'll spend at least that long cleaning it up. So just for today, stay sober and that can be your start to making amends.

Take it Easy.

Paul Dylan · Member

You're right. I've treated my family badly for nearly 13 years, kidding myself that my problem wasn't as bad as it is. I look for quick fixes every time and bury my head in the sand, this time I need to find a solution and it is going to take a very long time for anyone to trust me again. When i'm not drinking i'm actually quite a nice person, but getting leathered all the time, people can't remember that about me anymore only the horrible, lazy, aggressive and on occasion thouroughly dispicable monster that i've become.

I'm an educated guy and should have done something about this years ago. My lack of positive action is what has landed me in all this mess, and its that what can't be excused. Hopefully this is the wake up that i've needed, I love my wife and kids but sadly they no longer love me. Time to sort myself out before its too late.

Strangely enough my father in laws next door neighbours wife died because of alcohol, so you would have expected me to avoid booze, knowing it dangers and all, she was in her early 40's and has left 2 young daughters behind.

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Paul,

Welcome to MIP. I am so glad that you are here with us.

I knew that I had a serious drinking problem and I caused all of my loved ones to have a dreadful and hurtful time whenever I was around them. But, it was the alcohol that was causing it, and not just me.

I started attending regular AA meetings and it was truly the very best thing that I could have done for myself and for my family, too. With the help of AA, I started to get my life back on track, my self-respect back and the love of my family. This alcoholic couldn't have done it without AA.

Why not check out a few meetings in your area? You'll find some lovely people there who can give you their experience, strength and hope. You really don't have anything to lose and have everything to gain.

Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?

Take care,

Carol

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi Paul and welcome to the board.
Getting sober is a process not an event.
You have to really commit to it and do
it for yourself. The benefit to your family
is secondary. If you have a number of meetings
in your area, you should go to as many as possible to
help you get past your first 3 months. Many of us, myself
included, went to 90 meetings in 90 days. You need something to take
the place of drinking, replacing a good habit for a bad habit. It's an hour
a day. How many hours a day do you drink? Good luck with your
new journey

Dean

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 19:51, 2009-03-08

eastcoastscott · Senior Member

Hi Paul,

As you can see, you are not alone on this journey....but it isn't a race. You can't undo all those years that led up to today but you can change things starting today. Have patience, don't beat yourself up...ever! You sound like a smart and analytical kind of guy, which is in your favor. All you need to do is make a plan of action. There is a lot posted already in the way of ideas. Keep coming back.

Scott

Tina · Senior Member

Mornin Paul

Just want to say welcome, and to let you your not alone. I remember my first meeting, I was a mess.

You have got some great advice so far and I do hope you take with you and use it to make the decision your looking for. The only one that could make a difference is you. No one can give you the answer your looking, we can only make suggestions to help you along the way.

Hopefully you will find what your looking for, in the mean time please keep coming back. Take it one day at a time!!!!!! For today..

Tina

lani · MIP Old Timer

Hey Paul
Welcome to MIP!!
Like the others are basically saying...Do this for you!!! You are worth it and in time will come to believe that yourself!! Meetings helped me stay sober and are now an everyday thing I do for me! As I change so do the things around me! It gets soo much better! Good luck!