I'm sure most of you are in relationships with, or have close family members/friends that are non-alcoholic. I have learned through meetings that someone without the disease will never be able to fully understand it. There is someone in my life that does not threaten my sobriety, nor EVER ask me to drink. He knows that it is my choice not to. And he is not an alcoholic. My problem is, he doesn't understand at all. He has some pretty set ideas in his head. I'm confused as to whether I should help his 'get it' or just seetle with the fact that he can't. Some of the comments he has made has really upset me. I'll share later but need to get to work..........
I guess he can go to Alanon to learn, that would prolly be the best source. If not, what I do is talk to my wife openly about my experiences, feelings and plans. Of course she almost runs away screaming when she hears about all the crazy crap I've done but she does love me and therefore has an ability to accept things the way they are. Stuff doesn't always have to make sense to us, we can still "accept" it. The "normal" people will never get this and that isn't important to me anymore. I find that they just want to see us happy, applaud our efforts and can be supportive.
Scott
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
There are universal spiritual principles at work when you work the twelve steps of recovery. Those principles apply everywhere, all the time. Earth people, normal people, social drinkers, and recovery challenged people can use those principles also but they don't have a program like we do. Help those poor unfortunates see the universal spiritual principles that are operating in their life. What? You don't know what those universal spiritual principles are? Well Gee! I've been accused of promoting my book here so you will have to look up my prior post to see where to learn how it works.
My wife of 14 years is a "non alcoholic". She had problems understanding it when we first starting dating. I had 3.5 years at that time and she wondered why I still went to 5 meetings a week. She thought that that was indication that I wasn't doing to well with my problem. I sat down with her one night and explained how the program works and how we maintain our sobriety by going to meetings and working with others, and the spiritual aspect of the program, personal development throught working the steps. After that she got it.
I can relate. I work out at a gym with a close friend of mine every lunch hour. In fact he's the one who picked me up at the jail after my last drunk. He doesn't understand the diesase concept of our dilemma and can't even imagine having to go to meetings on a regular basis. He doesn't even know the other things I do like: pray, talk to my sponsor, work the 12 steps, service work, read/post on-line and try to stay in the middle of the fellowship.
He's stated that he would never go to meetings and can't seem to understand that will power won't keep me sober or happy. If it's causes problems just don't drink???
The good thing is he knows I've been through hell and has seen the wreckage and he's just fine with me the way I am.... I answer his questions and leave the rest. He doesn't or probably never will understand because he doesn't come from an alcoholic family. That fine with me. It's my program and life not his...
I guess its like any other disease or loss for that matter...If you havent gone through it you will never truly understand what another is going through... I remember telling my non A friends Im going to AA...The consensus was pretty much..."oh you went to AA, good for you" For them, they think its a one time deal and then you just dont drink!
For me, I guess I can never fully describe what AA is or has done for me..but people that know me have seen the positive change in my life and can cheer me on for that...
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
see the universal spiritual principles that are operating in their life. What? You don't know what those universal spiritual principles are? Well Gee! I've been accused of promoting my book here so you will have to look up my prior post to see where to learn how it works.