I was very sure I could control my drinking by myself.
I was convinced my intelligence would be enough.
I looked in the mirror and discovered where my self-will had taken me.
I surrendered.
I began to trust AA, my Higher Power, and our blessed Fellowship.
Anonymous. (12 Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 37)
Thought to Ponder . . .
Trust God. Clean house. Help others.
AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
T R U S T = Try Relying Upon Steps and Traditions.
A Member Shares:
I'm Terrier T, alcoholic. "Trust". this word used to look to me like a vampire on a dark night. I would run blindly away from it when I first came into the program. I had a desire to stop hurting, but it took time to understand that drinking was connected to the pain. I resisted, argued. When I heard the word 'trust,' I thought everyone was nuts. The opposite of trust, however, was pain. I was hurting myself by my own will, which was akin to being slammed into a brick wall over and over. But that was all I knew then. To trust, I had to let go, and my stubborn will kept my white knuckles clinging to my own willful insanity. It took time for me to learn to trust. It started with my setting a simple to-do list: Wake up. Get my butt to a meeting. That was all I could handle for a while. I can remember the first time I trusted. It felt like I had jumped out of a perfectly functioning airplane to drop like a stone. Terror! But little by little, I began to trust. Easy one first ... the meeting would be there. Then I began to trust my group. It took time, but I began to trust myself a teeny bit. As I trusted, I found that I did not get slammed into that wall, and that what I got back was a feeling of "Wow! This may be possible for me!" I opened myself to my Higher Power, asking for help. Well, first, I asked for things . had to try that. But I learned that the most important thing for me is to ask to be allowed to see what is meant for me today. That was my mantra. With the Serenity Prayer, I progressed to, "I cannot do this alone. I need help." When I asked, it came, much to my surprise. And I am thankful it did. That trust is daily to maintain my spirit, contact with my guide, my Higher Power, and to being open to what is meant for me so I can see it. I had a real lesson in trust last night when I had a health emergency. If my partner had not been here with me, I would not be here today. So I trust myself to ask to see what is meant for me and then take the action on it so that I can be here with sober people and share with all of you.
