What makes it difficult to see personal needs , change. What is it that keeps a person from getting into the same victimization cycle time after time.
It is so easy to see problems in another that is victimizing you. How to get beyond that?
Case in point. You are in a work place and you draw the same kind of problem. Being victimized by a weak minded bully type, (whom is inundated with terrible history, very sad and obviously somebody worthy of all kinds of attention and fulfillment)...But they zero in on you because you are the perfect target. They lash out at you get that good slice of pain out of you and walk off on their miserable way.,,, and almost content with themselves some of the time for the damage done and an almost apology...for the cherry on top of the pie.
They have accumulated some friends that seem to understand this individual and there is happy exchange and smiling. But when it comes to being the target well, there is scraps of that ...
How do you get out of that cycle. Being the victim makes it very hard to be happy and do a good job. The work that once was so enjoyed but hard work, becomes emotionally challenging. It is as though the emotion tank was sabotaged and now there isn't much left to work with. Creativity and the desire to follow through on some important projects is just simply zapped.
Hey Dakota I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. A.A. is how I've been learning to deal with life and the people in this world. I'm only a victim if I choose to be. Today, with the help of the program, I'm able to take every, not so good, thing that happens to me and learn from it. I've learned when something is bothering me, that means something is wrong with me. Some people say, "if I'm not the problem then there is no problem". This is where a sponsor helps a lot too.The passage below is one of my and many others, favorites. It really helps me get through a tough day.
Big Book Page 449.
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
I hear what you say. If I continue on this project, then I will be subject to this person's company.
What do I do to change my attitude and what in me needs change. The only thing I know how to do is to try to turn this into a reflection and it is just so tiring and hurtful. The person has a mental repellent against logic and follow through. I just feel like quitting the project altogether even though I am one of the most productive people in it. My ideas are squelched before they hit the black board.
I am running out of energy, it is causing an inordinate amount of stress. I just am at the end of my rope.
I will pray on it and get some help from someone over us. I really don't know what else to do.What was once seemingly improving and on the best track has taken a wrong turn. It makes me sick.
Hey Dakota Wow, I was exactly where you are and was it hell!!! Ended up losing my job and always blamed it on a bully coworker....
Truth....prayed for her and eventually all the wicked things she did to me backfired on her....heehee(couldnt help that!) I actually prayed for her to be happy and filled with love for others!!!! I think she is finally getting there!
Until I actually saw my part in the situation and really got honest with myself, I could not shake the HUGE resentment I had for this person...It finally just dawned on me one day and POOF* the resentment was FINALLY lifted!!!
Little different situation than you are in but it reminded me of the misery I felt while working with this person....Im just trying to offer you Hope that things will and do get better if we keep our side of the street clean, pray for this person and do the next right thing...and God really does for us what we cannot do for ourselves!!!
Best of luck and hang in there!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
I've no words for you, Dakota but I would like to sit with you while you rest & recuperate & offer you my energy. Godbless, Danielle xxx
: ) This post did relay what you intended. Thanks!
((sigh))
Lani, oh it sounds like you know how this feels! I am not running away this time. After speaking with someone over us, there is going to be some improvements. Praying for those who hurt you definately is part of this process. When reviewing some things about the 'bully', it seems like a hopeless situation. But I also can see that there will be some good things ...There is this great thing of Faith, and there is concern to for this person whom herself has suffered much pain.
This challenge can become a successful venture. That is how I am going to work from now on. One of the most missed things by myself, is praying when in that moment of friction- just stopping myself - Praying and letting God take over my mouth, my head, and into my own spirit...Let Him work through me.
I haven't done that yet, except maybe one time or so, but it wasn't a full enough breath before I began.
This has been very helpful to share. Thanks to you wonderful MIP's!!!
Until I actually saw my part in the situation and really got honest with myself, I could not shake the HUGE resentment I had for this person...It finally just dawned on me one day and POOF* the resentment was FINALLY lifted!!!
Absolutely the way I see it too! That darn HONESTY thing seems to be the key in a lot of this I find!
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
