Hi gang! I have been fighting cravings for both alcohol and cigarettes and it is tough but I am doing it. Been 36 days! But last night I was stressed to the max. Was having trouble with my digital tv and had the company on the phone. wont go into details but it was stressful and the stress kept building then I freaked out completely. Threw the phone across the room, screamed bloody murder and punched the wall. The I hyper ventilated and cried my eyes out. I told my husband I need a drink and a smoke. Thank God he had the strength to hold me rock me and get me through it. I am happy to say I did not drink or smoke. But it was terribly close. I am proud of my 36 days and dont want to EVER start this over. So tell me when will the peace override the insanity? Allison
Keep working the program nique. It will happen if you do the following:
Go to meetings daily Get a sponsor and call daily Work the steps Don't drink :)
I analyzed the hell of the program and kept wanting to know why and when and how...just have faith. Keep it simple and let each day pass as you are. You are doing great!
You might not notice the change as fast as others will, but it will happen. I see the change in your motivation just from the difference in your posts here.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hey nique - I so glad you didn't have to take a drink. Cable wouldn't have gotten fix anyway. If you drank anything like I did, you may have ripped the cable right out of the wall.
I'm not sure why you are trying to stop drinking and smoking together, but the first time I said something to my sponsor about quitting smoking she told me, that my H.P. and she would let me know when I could start working on that. It's hard enough to stay sober at first, the last thing I needed was to be going through withdrawals from nicotine too. Anyway, having stayed sober for a little bit now, I, most of the time, can now see what's important and what's not. And my "Total Freak Outs" have almost vanished. Now might be a good time to quit smoking, but I'll check with my sponsor first.
I have no choice in the quitting smoking. 36 days ago I was in the hospital almost dying from emphazema. My doc said if I dont quit now I wont live much longer so it was not a matter of choice but a matter of life or death that I put the cigs down. Yes, true, it does make it 100 times harder and more painful but I know if I just get through today I will get better and better. I have a sponsor and I call her every day. I also have professionals I talk to on a daily basis. I cant get out to meetings just yet, but will when I can. I have one lined up for tomorrow night. I made it last Monday night and it was great! Allison
I am so happy to hear that you made it through a tough moment last night. I can identify with what Jane was saying... I no longer totally freak out about stuff that I KNOW is just trivial life-stuff. It comes with time and a greater awakening of what I can choose to NOT let control my emotions. It does take time. And it took my sponsor reminding me over and over of the phrase, "How Important Is It?" Serenity Prayer works great too! I am glad you had someone there to help you through the frustration. Keep on pluggin' away, you're doing great!
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Hey Nique, glad that you survived your episode lol. I've had plenty of those, usually in traffic jams. our largest resentments center on the things that we cannot change. when this happens the tendency is to revert back to two year old behavior and throw a temper tantrum. trouble is that we really damage ourselves when we allow ourselves to react to situations in this manner, especially when we get older with high blood pressure, we run the serous risk of having heart attacks and strokes, over what?, the things that we can not change. read step 10 in the 12 & 12 about how we can not afford justifiable anger and the spiritual axiom- "when I get upset there is something wrong with me". I also posted some good articles on anger if you use the search function, you will find them
Well Done, Allison xx Don't let yourself get in that state again next time though! I had some temper tantrums in early sobriety too when things weren't going my way & I was well surprised at my reaction! I'm glad I'm not like that today though I could be if I let myself stress out & pressure build up.
I can't handle this life on my own & to be totally truthful, it's great to have the support of my boyfriend but he isn't the solution to my problems either so I make sure to remember & practice picking up the phone to my helpful female friends & stay close with them. As well as my meetings I really need to trust & know that my calling them will help them too.
Be good to you, Allison & you are doing well. I'm proud that you're now smoke free. I gt through the first one or two MAJOR cravings & now I don't have them. It may be harder for you as you're learning how to live sober but you are getting there. Keep your faith & post here too. All these efforts are adding up! Godbless & Happy Sober Day for Today, Danielle xx
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Nique: Once I saw that I could stay sober IN SPITE of all those insane feelings I realized I really did have a CHOICE over weather I picked up or not. Stay willing and the good feelings will come. In spite of all the things that happened, you stayed sober. Your a power of example to me.-Thanks
Nique, I'm glad you got a sponsor. One thing helpful to remember is a meeting can just consist of 1 alcoholic talking to another and it only really takes 2 people. Basically, talking to another or other alcoholics everyday is the key I think. Once you make a few more friends in the fellowship, you might even be able to have meetings at your house. Just a thought.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
