I stopped drinking Jan 1st. I found that drinking wine was going to get me broke (I like expensive wine) or really depressed. You cannot find depression with a depressant; there is the old insanity that is talked about in the Big Book.
I decided, like so many of us this past week, that I was through with the fight. It abstaining from alcohol was such a chore I wondered if it was worth it. My mind told me that because I only drank wine and only a few glasses a night, perhaps I could keep up the show.
Now keep in mind that I scored a 2 on that stupid qualifying test that they give you to see if you really need AA. If you score 4 or more it says you may have an issue. For me 2 was it.
So...the other day I stood in front of the wines at the grocery store. Stood there for an hour and bought one. Brought it home and drank some. At first it tasted awful. Then I felt better. The next day the depression hit. I only had two drinks the night before and I felt terrible. Resentments snuck up, all kinds of yucky feelings.
Ahhhhhhhh...that was why I stopped. I feel blessed. I feel blessed that I knew I was coming to a crossroads. I feel blessed that I can have two glasses of wine and know that this crap makes me feel really yucky. I feel blessed that I now know that there is no such thing as one drink and drink one day and not for two weeks for me. I feel blessed because now, when I return to meetings, I am going to get a sponsor right off the bat.
Amazing. Sounds like a definite awakening, if not the total spiritual awakening they discuss in the big book. I pray you will find a great sponsor to guide you in your journey.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I have been in quite a strange place these past few days. It did not feel spiritual but I am sure it was something. It just became obvious to me that when I use alcohol, even if it is just a glass of wine, I instantly feel awful the next day. Like I am alergic to it in that sense.
Good for you, stopping before things get too out of hand. Although, they are usually already out of hand, even if only in our own emotional wellbeing. My "Am I an Alcoholic" pamphlet read differently. It said that if you have more than ONE item checked, you should consider that you might have a problem. No matter, I tried to compare myself out of the rooms of AA by looking around at people who were "worse off than I". What a bunch of phoney baloney that was!! LOL I was just as sick as everyone else in the room.
So glad you have come to a decision that poses only the opportunity to enrich your life!
Happy happy sober weekend, and welcome!
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
