This very real feeling of inferiority is magnified by his childish sensitivity and it is this state of affairs which generates in him that insatiable, abnormal craving for self-approval and success in the eyes of the world. Still a child, he cries for the moon. And the moon, it seems, won't have him.
While drinking I seemed to vacillate between feeling totally invisable and believing I was the center of the universe. Searching for that elusive balance between the two has become a major part of my recovery. The moon that I consistantly cried out for is, in sobriety, rarely full; it shows me instead its many other phases, and there are lessons in them all. True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness, but with each cycle of my recovery, the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer.
This is so very true for my recovery. To take in all things that occur in life and learn something from them. Things happen for reasons we can't fully see until we become open-minded to them. The program has taught me that to accept is to become willing and then the lessons of life are shown to me. It is then that i grow and become a better person. I never will be a saint but just to live in the solution and not adding to the problem by being selfish and self centered. The greatest thing that i ever learned is that it is not all about me. Putting my feelings in check and to do the next right thing i leave all situations feeling a sense of accomplisment and serenity.
such simple things to do and yet so hard to remember. but to do your very best at remembering and to put into action is what I consider progress. While i trudge the road of happy destiny.
Great post Ellen, thanks.I have found that not even a fraction of what is going on around me is about me, I'm happy to report that is good news. The world has stopped revolving around me and I'm content in that fact. I think it is all about balance for me.
Being the oldest child in a very dysfunctional family - it all was either my fault, or my responsibility to fix. Everybody was either looking at me or to me or avoiding me.. a lot of my recovery is in letting go of that.. and letting God be the functional Parent that we all need and let me just be little 'me'.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
i was adopted and in a dysfunctional home. always felt as if i needed to prove myself. never got too much attention because my parents always faught. the only attention that i would get is whenever i did something wrong. it was always just so frustrating. i never felt good enough. that is why i need to work on my feelings and to remember that it isn't all about me but when it is to look at it than to get alcoholicly defensive- if you get my drift. have a great evening and thanks amanda.
