ok, ill start off with a short story of me. im 20 years old. ive been drinking since i was 13. its only really became a problem these last three years. i drink myself into blackouts and violent stupors. i swallowed a bottle of adivan and 10 vicodin and drank a litre of vodka about a week ago. a little more now. and somehow i am still here. i dont have a relationship with god, but something saved me. and im thinking it was god regardless of my neglect towards my faith. i just recently found an amazing man who has really made me rethink myself. i know already if i dont stop drinking i WILL lose him. but thank god he has put up with me, but we both know it wont be for much longer. i cant bring myself to go to meetings, because i live in an outstandingly small town. i need to get myself out of this cycle. im not focused on forever, im focused on today. i have a 4 year old daughter who needs me here, and needs me sober. i need me sober. i have big plans for my life and i cannot continue on the path that i am riding now. ive used my past abusive relationships and deaths of those close to me as not only excuses but catalysts for my drinking. i cannot lose my daughter, this guy, or myself. the time is now. i look back and wonder how my drinking became so severe far before the age of 21. but that is what ive done to my life, and now i have to relearn how to live sober.
and this brings me to the end of day 1.
-cait.
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failure is not falling down, it is remaining where you have fallen.
You sound like a wise soul for 20 years old. The longer you stay sober, the more coping skills you will acquire to deal with your past, your current relationships, your parenting...all the reasons you stated are good reasons to stay sober. Faith in god helps, but faith in something larger than yourself is really all that is necessary. Something greater than you brought you to this point and these realizations. Keep with that faith and your life will get better as you stay sober a day at a time. I think faith that you will become the person you want to be if you work hard enough is crucial. Great start!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome to MIP!!! Great to see you posting and taking a good hard look at your life...Im glad you have reasons for wanting to quit and you will find the biggest of them is YOU!!!! Miracles can and do happen in sobriety and you will find your life to be an awesome thing!
I wouldnt trade sobriety for a thing and my life just keeps getting better and better! Good luck to you... As far as going to meetings and living in a small town...you will be surprised at the people who already know perhaps you have a problem and who will cheer you on as you help yourself get well!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
"...reasons for wanting to quit and you will find the biggest of them is YOU!"
Good health in body and mind is nothing to scoff at. And it truly does trickle down, rather gushes, around to everyone you love and care for.
It is a walking road, with lots of difficult spots to climb over. It is so good to have others around who can and will help you along it. (this is a good spot here too)
thank you all for your awesome replies. im getting ready for work now. its weird knowing tonight i wont be doing the usual of going to wing night and drinking. but thats okay, ive decided theres a few chuck pahlinuk books i need to catch up on heh. well, day 2.
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failure is not falling down, it is remaining where you have fallen.
Welcome to the board, I'm sure you will make some friends here. We are all in the same boat but many here have some great stuff to share. Keep coming back, you have a lot to live for and remember, you just have to try not to drink today. It's all about one day at a time!
Scott
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Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
