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Post Info TOPIC: choice I made
Dakota


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choice I made
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Last night I chose to drink and get drunk. I hate myself for that. But I think I am learning something.  I look at myself and see that I am able to stop for days and then it is as though I am rewarding myself with a crappy thing. It is opposite what a reward should be. 
There have been some good improvements in my ability to remain sober, not want to drink .  I have been keeping busy, attending to the things that need my attention. But last night I knew I what I was going to do and just did that.  Almost 2 bottles of wine later, I was too inebriated to enjoy a movie.  Some reward for being good. Today is the cloudy feeling, kind of a delireum.  It is a bad feeling.

Today I will do what is right.  Get busy, attend to the good stuff, deal with the rest. But mostly I am going to continue to stop and think before guzzling down any wine.  Next time I decide to drink , I will change that course, Read my journal and not do it.

I will reserve my right to change my path, change my way, and do the better thing. I will stop that behavior.

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Quetzal


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I have been there and felt just the way you are right now. But, I carried on going to my meetings and shared what had happened. I worked out why I had drunk and did my best to avoid being in the same situation again.

For me, regular meetings, getting a sponsor, working the steps and getting involved in AA all help to keep me sober. I can't do it by myself and I tried it often enough to know that.

Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?

Take care,

Carol

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
getlow316


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I know i have been there many times. I need to have daily meetings to remind me where I am going. I also need to get a sponser AND a support group just for when that so called feeling that I know I am going to drink. One of my problems was that whenever I had things to do around the house, drinking came with it. I could never paint my garage without a beer close by. The two just went hand in hand. Shows how I really have to work on changing my way of thinking. Right now I am attending many different meetings in order to find the home group that I feel most comfortable with, then finding a sponser. I also am getting as many phone #'s I can in my travels just to build that support group. While at home and any time I feel or think about drinking I even get online and chat
http://www.e-aa.org/ and it usually takes the edge off. Today is all that matters Dakota.  It is a day of sobriety. There is nothing wrong with having to start over. God knows I have done it many times. Keep coming back.

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pinkchip


MIP Old Timer

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Dakota, I really enjoy your posts and your suggestions to me when I post usually make a lot of sense.  I noticed that it seems like your approach has been somewhat of a controlled drinking one and that it is sort of working and sort of not.  I have heard so many people say they started with AA to learn "how to drink normally" and then found out that this effort was futile.  My concern is that I just don't want to see you suffer because AA mixed with anything but a desire to stop drinking completely is going to really mess with your head (from my standpoint).  Hence the saying "There is nothing worse than a head full of AA and a belly full of alcohol." There are some researchers out there that are develping controlled drinking programs for alcoholics, but I'm not sure what the results have been.  It would seem to me that it would take just huge amounts of discipline that I know I don't have...plus 2 glasses of wine or 2 cocktails does nothing for me but make me want to drink more.  Not sure if this is on the money, but I just pray that you find a program that works for you.  I am getting annoyed at myself with my replacement addictions as I stated in another post, but all and all, I know that they don't lead me to the same ultimately crazy place that alcohol did (plus I know not to replace with sex or another serious mind altering drug).  I know AA is built on a day at a time approach, but if you truly recognize you are powerless over alcohol and it makes your life unmanageable, you might get a better foundation to quit altogether a day at a time.  Again, I am far from perfect and have many problems to work on, so take this for what its worth.

Also Dakota, there is no judgment here, I feel for you and really don't want you to beat yourself up.  Keep your chin up.

Mark

-- Edited by pinkchip at 11:44, 2009-02-22

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ziacles


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Hang in there Dakota, we're all in the same leaky life boat. You're sober today!

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Dakota


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It is so nice to have an outpouring of support. I really didn't expect it! Brings tears to my eyes. Thanks so much. You help to bring me out and up.




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