Well I did it again. I was 60 days sober until Thanksgiving.....then decideed I could handle a few....knew it was wrong.....slowly but surely drank more and more until last weekend, when I had a few, was walking blacked out, and flew into a rage. Screaming and yelling temper tantrum.....
No I'm going through the remorse, hate myself, another set of things cannot face. 1 day sober now (today).
Isolating.....nights are long when you are sober and feeling sorry for your self. But it's not about me.
no sense crying of spilt milk. don't waste your energy that you could be using on getting sober. yesterday is gone. you can start over anytime, nobody's keeping score but you. it's not how many times that you fall down, as long as you get up one more time. welcome back,
Well that's true. From here on out it's a clean slate. Thanks for the encouragement. I just finished an IRC NA Meeting on #NACHat which also helped a lot.
The important thing is that you are back. Online meetings are nice for me when I am at home with idle time on my hands but a F2f meeting is what really helps me. As soon as I woke up I started thinking about a meeting. This kind of thinking is alot better then my old. I would have started wondering what time I was going to drink. Welcome back Ziacles!
I had two months sober once and then I picked up and it took me eighteen months to get back to AA and my meetings. Then, I had three months sober and picked up again, but I got right back to meetings and starting working the steps. Life has got so much better since then.
The important thing is that you make it back. So many people don't.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
Well, last night around sunset I started to get real nervous, edgy, the night ahead of me seemed like it was going to be forever. Drinking crossed my mind, so did meetings, or going to bed early.
But going to bed at 6 PM is a sign of depression, and leads to sleepless nights. Drinking is a bad choice as well. A meeting was out of the question since I am in rural Montana at the moment and there just aren't any for literally 100 miles.
So I logged into the IRC and #NAChat had an NA meeting going on. I attended that online, then sat up and read this forum most of the evening. I preyed as well.
Someone said some encouraging words to me, and I quickly felt interested in staying up and reading.
Then I did a little reading in the big book.
Before I knew it, it was 1:00 AM and I was tired.
Iwent to sleep and slept all night, waking up just now at 9:30 AM.
This morning when I woke up I realized that while I slept my sobriety doubled!
your optimism is encouraging. you will be fine. when you wake up tomorrow, you will have 3 days. just focus on today. staying sober can only be done a day at a time.
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failure is not falling down, it is remaining where you have fallen.
Zia, maybe start praying? Not sure what your beliefs are but I don't think whatever god is out there wants you to feel like crap and think you are stupid or a failure. You are blessed now to be back and to know you need to do something different. Keep your chin up.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
