Sure can. I just came back from a 5 year drinking binge, lost ayears sobriety. I now have a week of sobriety. I am reading the big book, going to at least a meeting a day, and doing online A.A. chats and meetings when i get time on my hands. Looking for new ways to keep busy to keep my mind off things. But don't get me wrong, I am scared too. I keep remembering the first step. That is where I am at again.
I can relate. I am in this endless (30+ year) cycle of binging, remorse, promises, feeling like I can drink a little this time, binge, remorse......I just gave up 60 days (drank for 3 months). 1 day sober. Before that I had 2 years.....gave it up.
Perfect! the three muskateers. all for one and one for all, in sobriety. we've all felt that way, but like my first and greatest sponsor said "feelings are Not facts". and feeling remorseful about the past is just making it easier for your disease to ambush you into drinking again. get over it and move on. you only have today. make today a great day, have fun, send and receive love every chance you get. run from negativity. be positive, life is short, be happy.
Been there; done that. Relapsed after 18 years sober; stayed out for 2 years in drunken shame. Now been sober again for 2 1/2 years. Beat up on myself pretty consistently for the first year back. But, with the help of God, a loving sponsor, some true friends in A.A., and the folks here on MIP, it got much, much better. I have a different perspective on the relapse today: I am very grateful both for the 18 years before, and the 2+ years now. As Dean said, sobriety is a day at a time; any of us are eligible to take another drink. What's most important is our daily spiritual development: yesterday's gone, and tomorrow's not promised.
It will get better; just get back involved in the Program: meetings, sponsor, Steps, reaching out to others.
I've felt that fear of everything after I picked up again. But, I just concentrated on the day and did my best to get to a meeting and not to drink. Just hang in there and it will get better.
Please keep posting and letting us know how it goes for you, won't you? We're all here for you.
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
What I hear from people who had time and relapsed is that the time you had is not lost or for naught and you do have a strength in terms of already knowing how to work AA. I guess all I can say is your higher power seemed to intervene to stop this binge so that might bring you some hope and faith. In terms of fear...I came into the rooms not knowing how to do anything for myself. I am now living on my own and am scared I will screw everything up because there is nobody to really rely on but me now. I was and still am living in a lot of fear, but it is getting better the more that I stick with the program and keep the fellowship close to me.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I am only 60 days in (my first time around) and I am most likely not qualified to respond however, I like what Pinkchip said. I think that whether it is drinking or not, when we back-slide, we all feel those negative feelings and we feel shame. Personally, I think shame, and the feelings we inflict on ourselves at these times are another way for the disease to keep its grubby hands on us.
This disease twists your thoughts like no other. I've never seen anything like it.
So just start again, keep one foot in front of the other.
