I'm a bit confused right now in my program. The problem is that when I took the "test" in the little AA booklet, the one that they give you to qualify you, I only scored a two. I honestly can only say yes to two of those questions. And then someone gave me a cd the other day. It was a live event and the speaker was a guy named "Chris." Apparently this guy is pretty famous in AA and many people know about him. The talk he gave was excellent but he did repeat several times that there are people who should not be in the program. He talked about the people who need the help are the ones who are real alcoholics, not the ones who are a little bit alcoholic.
I found myself wondering where I fit in. I mean, I was never in treatment, never caused any issues when I had a glass of wine. Never even drink in bars...I could go on for days. Yet the craving when I tried to cut it out drove me nuts.
Anyway, thanks for letting me share. I think I need to speak to one of the elders tomorrow.
I disagree with "Chris". There is absolutely no good reason to drink, so there is no downside to giving it up. if you're in your first year, you should continue till you have a year and see who you feel. You can always start again but because this is a progressive disease, all bets are off about quitting again. Feeling squirrely now and then, about weather you're an alcoholic is probably proof itself. "normal" people don't ever think about it, or obsess over it. They drink once in awhile and don't think about it at all in between.
I was never in treatment either. It sounds like you had the "mental obsession" part of alcoholism w/ the craving. If you couldn't always quit drinking when you wanted to once you started drinking then you had the "physical allergy" part.
I believe we need to try to help all commers to aa, especially those who are serious about staying sober and working the steps.
Everybody has a story, some will be worse, some not as bad as ours, they tell us to "identify" w/ the stories not "compare".
Good to here from another Atlanta person! I'm in Kennesaw.
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking...In all the many 24 hrs that I've been in AA, I never heard of degrees of Alcoholism..As a most often used example went..There is no such thing as being a little pregnant.....You either were or weren't...
The most obvious signs of my alcoholism...Once I picked up a drink...I couldn't stop...My entire personality changed. It had an unpredictable quality about it.. It was out of control and that is dangerous....The obsession manifested itself through my activities..Many of which unfortunately centered around drinking...Part of the obsession, for someone new to sobriety is to feel that one is missing out on life. This is not true of course....I drink...but I do not drink alcohol...substituting a gingerale..diet cola...whatever..People never notice whether I'm drinking or not..nor do I feel in any way dis-advantaged...at any event or gathering..Many don't drink for a variety of reasons..needing no explaination..nor do people need to know...Since it's none of their business anyway, ..people are not entitled to know the truth...tell them anything..It's simply no big deal.
Sobriety in the Big Book states that we have a daily reprieve based upon our spiritual condition.
In practical terms...I could care less whether someone else drinks or not....I choose not too. There in lies a basis of spiritual growth... To me boozers are losers...There have been many side benefits associated with the fact that I don't drink...No DUI's..no drunken arguments or altications, but probably the biggest health...Physical, mental and spiritual health..I take no medications, and have never been in a hospital in over 40 years..and that was a sports injury..I feel blessed.
So there are many benefits to not drinking but it goes deeper..i.e the disease of alcoholism...alcohol but a symptom of the disease.
There are recognizable symptoms... some even get sentenced to AA...but in the end it must be self diagnosed...admitted and ultimately accepted...without that...people both alcoholic and non-alcoholic alike simply fade away...
It's not the quantity that one drinks that is particularly important..but what it does to you.. As we say if you're sick and tired of being sick and tired regarding alcohol..the doors are open...The only requirment a desire to stop drinking....We also say the door swings both ways...If you feel this is not for you...there are no forms to fill out...no penalty clauses....You just quietly leave and go about your business... Maybe head straight to the liquor store to regain what you had before coming in to AA.. Maybe regain your right to drink alcohol, if that's your mindset.
Many I've known have done just that...tried some control drinking, only to come back , some never come back..I always feel grateful to see someone come back..Why?...It confirms and eraces any trace of doubt in my own mind...drinking for an alcoholic only makes things worse never better.
I'm a bit confused right now in my program. The problem is that when I took the "test" in the little AA booklet, the one that they give you to qualify you, I only scored a two. I honestly can only say yes to two of those questions. And then someone gave me a cd the other day. It was a live event and the speaker was a guy named "Chris." Apparently this guy is pretty famous in AA and many people know about him. The talk he gave was excellent but he did repeat several times that there are people who should not be in the program. He talked about the people who need the help are the ones who are real alcoholics, not the ones who are a little bit alcoholic.
I found myself wondering where I fit in. I mean, I was never in treatment, never caused any issues when I had a glass of wine. Never even drink in bars...I could go on for days. Yet the craving when I tried to cut it out drove me nuts.
Anyway, thanks for letting me share. I think I need to speak to one of the elders tomorrow.
I've NEVER been in treatment, NEVER been arrested, NEVER lost a job, home, etc. Didn't go to bars but occasionally a night out with the girls (2x a year maybe), I NEVER drank daily......
I AM an alcoholic.
Think about this:
Those who aren't alcoholic don't wonder if they are!
"A little bit alcoholic" is probably like being a 'little bit pregnant' !
And one last thought, Denial is not a river in Egypt!
Good luck to you.........(((hugs)))
-- Edited by Doll at 07:07, 2009-02-20
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Everyone...thank you for taking time to respond. You confirmed what I was thinking and helped me through it. I think deep down, I sensed I had an issue. And I never had a problem with consuming too much, I could stop when I had enough, but the "enough" got more and more until I was having three glasses a night which, if your glasses are big enough, you are putting down a bottle quickly.
Thanks again, your words mean the world to me. And so much of The Big Book makes sense.
And lets talk about the positives like someone else mentioned here, I feel 100 times better and I think better without a glass of wine. So where are the benefits to drinking?
I think when I started out with my first drinking days maybe I was considered a little acoholic, I never thought of myself as even that. I drank for fun on the weekends. The problem for me then as it is still is that after the first drink I don't stop till it's over. There is no beer before dinner for me, then eat my dinner, then watch some TV for instance. For me, if I drank a beer before dinner, chances are I would not be eating my dinner for about 10 hours. I belong in A.A. After one day of not drinking I crave it also. I belong in A.A.
What you described with the wine sounds like maintainance drinking. This is where you spend an evening slowly putting a bottle of wine away. This way you just maintain your BAL (blood alcohol level). After doing this for awhile you eventually need more to attain that level henceforth one glass progresses to three yet you never have any problems nor even feel really intoxicated. This would just make a person a so called happy drunk and at this point the person may just fall asleep. A person without the disease may appear really drunk with the same BAL where we are just getting started.
I too, scored only two or three on that questionaire seven years ago when I first went to AA. I stayed sober for 15 months, but kept seeing the differences instead of the similarities and had a severe case of what they call the "yets". I hadn't lost my home or my job or my children or gone to jail or gotten a DWI etc. So I decided I probably wasn't alcoholic and could have an occasional glass of wine. Six years later, I'm back to AA and am grateful to be one of the lucky ones that make it back. I only have 40 days sober right now but I can confirm this is a "progressive" disease. This time when I took the test there were only two questions that I could answer "No" to. I've heard it said that it's rare for a normal drinker to end up in our rooms by accident. Only you can decide if you are alcoholic, and even though I didn't have to reach some of those "yets" while I was back out there, I know that I am an alcoholic. "The only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking". You sound like you have that desire. I just don't want anyone to have to go out and experience the pain I did to finally add up enough "yes" answers on the test!
