I got drunk last night and I just feel so guilty and humiliated. Alcohol is dominating my life, I feel like I can't go anywhere now because people have seen me in a state too many times. I want to be able to enjoy a drink without becoming an emotional wreck, I only intended on having one glass of wine and somehow I ended up having about eight or nine, then blank. I feel disgusting, the self loathing has definitely started kicking in. I'm starting to think it has to be all or nothing.
Hello Bee22 Oh Boy!! do I know how you feel. I've check back and you haven't said that you've been to an AA meeting. If you haven't, I suggest you try one. I took my drinking past caring what people knew, because I started isolating and drinking 24/7. Now that's dominating.
The good news is you don't have to take your drinking that far. With the help of A.A. and the people in these meetings I haven't had to take a drink for a little while.
I hope you'll give a meeting a try. And if you do, please tell us how it goes.
You are not alone and you don't have to do this on you own. (((hugs)))
Bee, it sounds like you are at the point I was at when I went to my first meeting. I was so demoralized and I reached a state of complete emotional and spiritual bankruptcy. I think you should call the AA hotline and find a meeting. The hotline is open 24 hours. This would be the point in which you might just have to take a flying leap of faith and go to a meeting. It is scary as hell to step into the rooms for the first time, but TRUST ME PLEASE, it's a better option than repeating the direction you are headed in. Have some hope. You are going to be fine. AA works best when a person enters it at the point in which they are just so tired of their own drinking. It doesn't work as well when people are forced into it by the court or by parents and relatives. The only thing you need to do by yourself is get to your first meeting and ask for help. Had I waited another month, I would have needed inpatient detox and I was on the verge of needing a halfway house (which is not a bad thing if that is what you need). Just saying, don't wait til things get worse.
Also...I would point out that at age 19, I thought it was completely normal to get smashed during the middle of the week and pass out regularly. Only in retrospect do I now realize my other friends were not taking it to the degree I was and there were also a whole group of people my age not doing the whole drunk partying thing at all. The big book states that if you catch your disease young before it progresses, you may not need AA, but the way you are writing makes it sound to me like going to a meeting couldn't hurt.
-- Edited by pinkchip at 06:42, 2009-02-19
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I get so much more confidence going out sober and staying sober.
I know I'm not going to embaress myself.
I know I'm going to wake up in a dry bed.
I know I'm going to remember the night.
I know I can drive home safely.
Once you have crossed the line from getting a bit of confidence from alcohol to completely wrecking your night out you never know for sure when it will happen next, but it will happen.
Hey Bee Dont beat yourself up!!!! I can so relate to what your saying about.. "able to enjoy a drink without becoming an emotional wreck, I only intended on having one glass of wine and somehow I ended up having about eight or nine, then blank."
I too was where you are at 19 but like pink, just didnt get it or realize I wasnt a normal drinker.....
Man, in retrospect, if I could go back and change it all!!!!!!!!! My life would def have been different. You are lucky you are young and have an awareness of what is going on as there are boards like this and many people share openly about their addictions now!!! Grasp all the help you can...hit a meeting....ask questions...
you are worth it!!!! Good luck
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Bee, there are sooooo many people your age in AA, who have felt just like you do. It does not matter how young or how old we are, we all have the same disease, and we all make the same mistakes over and over again, and we all have a chance to get well if we only just reach out to AA.
I believe that when you are ready, you will reach out to AA just as I and many others did. We have to be truly "sick and tired of being sick and tired".
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers today. It will feel better when you have gotten some rest, sobered up, and started reaching out for help, I guarantee it. Get some rest, and get to AA. Open arms are waiting for you there.
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Drinking Bee is your business..stopping and staying stopped is AA's business..When you are ready AA will always be there for you..It works 100% if you are willing to work it..
People fail but not the program...Like a fan...it doesn't work till you plug it in.
