Am I selfish for wanting to cut all ties with certain people if they're not helping me? In other words, my friend's an alcoholic and when ever we see each other we wind up having a drink despite the fact that I always tell myself I won't. Thing is though, I think she has no intention to stop. Can anyone relate?
I can certainly relate. In the early days of my sobriety I had to stop seeing friends who were still drinking as the temptation was too much for me. I needed and wanted my sobriety and I didn't want to be around people or places that could influence my decision to stay sober.
My reasoning was, if my friends cared for me then they would want me to do what was best for me. Through the rooms of AA I now have so many wonderful friends who all want to help and support me when I need it. It's great.
They say that AA is a selfish program. But we have to put our needs first if we are going to stay sober.
Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?
Take care,
Carol
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
It is not being selfish to decide to start taking care of yourself. No friendship is worth selling yourself short or repeating self-destructive actions that are hurting you. A true friend will respect your desire to get sober. Have you talked to your friend about this? When I responded to you earlier, I did not realize you were 19 years old. Your youth might be something that is difficult in that nobody wants to admit they are an alcoholic at 19; however, it's ALOT better to be recognizing these problems now than having wasted your life and coming into AA at 40 (no knocks on those of you that did do this like me pretty much). AA is anonymous, but I also see that you wrote that you live in a city that I think is right near me (and literally the city I work in). If that is the case, I have even more suggestions for where you might find help and what meetings might be useful. There are meetings for other young people, so you don't feel as intimidated walking into a room with people all twice your age.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I've got some close friends/family members that I consider alcoholics. I haven't necessarily cut ties with them, but I'm certainly not around when they are drinking. The people that I chose to give up were the ones that do not support my effort to stay sober (which I have a few of). There are some that would still beg me to have "just one" if I went out somewhere with them. I've learned quickly that they were not true friends/family to begin with. It's a confusing road! : )
Sometimes I think that the reason freinds try to get the recovering alcoholic to drink is that someone quitting scares them. especialy a good freind. They do not want to lose their drinking buddy. My best freind always tried to get me to drink with him, even trying to wave it under my nose. Eventually it worked. I was not mad at him though. I was dissapointed in myself. At the time I lacked the willpower to avoid the situation and put myself around situations that triggered my relapse. It lasted 5 years.
That sounds like a very important thing to do; limiting ones time with someone who drinks on a continual basis. However, remember that there are places in the Big Book where it says that eventually we won't need to avoid those people or places where drinks are served. I am only 60 ish days in and I have only been around one couple who had wine in their home. I calmly told them that I have made a life change and I never wanted to have a drink even while I watched them have a drink. It just was not an issue that day for me.
So to answer your question. I think you need to set boundaries right now.
