My daugther age 11, has hit puberty and hangs around with 13 & 14 year olds at school. She brings home the school talk and attitude and treats my wife and I like sh*t. Her comments are along the lines of: I don't answer stupid questions, your mom(comeback), that's stupid and in general just disrepectful to all those around her. I've tried to talk with her to let her know she's a better person than that, but she's not taking it. She loves to be in the middle of controversy and trives on the attention. I've informed her that at home the disrespect will not be tolerated and I'm not a doormat for her abuse. I've taken things important to her away.. computer, phone, to her room etc... She just says fine and I don't care. I seem to have lost all open reasonable communication with her. Is this something I need to let go of(out of my control) and provide the essential needs while enforcing boundaries are not crossed and hope she comes out of it? Being an alcoholic one side of me says let go and let god, but the other side maintains I have to be a responsible parent. Anyone experience this with their kids?
My niece...Began high school in one the the best public school districts in the U.S.... a surburb of N.Y. They had problems... disciplinary problems...Violence at home..then a divorce..She was sent to a private high school. She graduated and went to a small not a very competitive college in New England..that she could get into...
Today in her forties...Executive VP of a N.Y.C. corporation in a book publishing house.
Reading my posts it's obvious I believe in discipline. I agree wholeheardedly with the remarks from Dean.
Catholic education is terrific..The kids actually learn something...when they graduate.
Letting go and letting God...is employing the good judgment and parential responsibility he ..she or it gave you...God will not do for you what you can do or yourself..
Listen to that intuitive inner voice..in quiet times of prayer and meditation
Catholic education is terrific..The kids actually learn something...when they graduate.
nothing can replace the 8 years of catholic school that I attended. I do pretty well for someone that only took a few college courses in drafting and blueprint reading.
I might try family therapy too...or therapy for her with a family focus. For a while she will undoubtedly object to it, but hopefully the counselor can build some rapport with her and she can start communicating what her problems are. Discipline is good and changing schools might help, but also keep trying to communicate. I would suggest trying to initiate conversations about what she likes and what she enjoys about hanging out with these older friends. Discipline without sending regular messages of caring only comes across as "My mom and dad hate me" and she might then act out more. She is purposely doing things to upset you and your wife. The message that her behavior is disturbing and disappointing, but you still love her and just want her to do well is important. The angry and disapproving reaction is what she is looking for and expecting so that she can continue with the "My parents are so dumb and I hate them" attitude and then have that rewarded by her older friends who probably also treat their parents that way. Tough call, boundaries and discipline while also showing caring.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thank you all for the suggestions. I appreciate your feedback. My sponsor has told me god works through people and I see it here on this website on a daily basis.
When this whole battle with the teens is resolved or figured out, let me know....I find talking with my kids honestly, and really listening to their point of view helps...so does a good dose of grounding, no cell phone etc!!!
My kids can be the biggest smart asses and it can drive me crazy!!! Where did all that come from...Then I think...oh yea, I was the same way!!! Ugghhhh! I guess it is hormones and testing the boundries...our best defense.....be consistant and lead by example!!!! Good luck.......
Private schools sound nice but as I didnt attend one and am a shining example for society!!!!! lol!!!!!! I have to believe no matter what it begins at home!!!!
__________________
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
