Just can't get sober

slhNY125 · Member

Just can't get sober

Dakota · Senior Member

Look up where the meetings are and go. Read the Big Book. Talk and ask lots of questions here. There are lots of help available to you, and you surely aren't alone.

I guess the alcohol addiction thing is just about as plain as day and the complaints on how to stop are truly routine and not hardly unique!

You recognize you have a problem, and that is a good start!

Welcome to the MIP!!

Doll · MIP Old Timer

Until you are CONVINCED nothing will change. In order to become 'convinced' you must come, come to and come to believe. The way to accomplish that? AA meetings, get a sponsor. Even if you continue to drink, go to meetings! But, please have someone else drive you.

"Alcohol. Cunning, Baffling, Powerful. Without help, it is too much for us."

(((hugs)))

Jen

-- Edited by Doll at 12:26, 2009-02-16

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Hello and Welcome slhNY125!!! I'm so glad you posted today. I really needed to hear from you. Alcohol is a very serious disease. It can kill!! I think you know that though from what you wrote.

I believe I know where you are. I started drinking very young and to it into my early 40's. I got to the point of not wanting to drink but not being able to not take that drink. That's one of the cunning baffling and Powerful parts.

I ended up hitting a mental and spiritual bottom. I just could not stop raising that drink to my mouth. God did for me what I couldn't do for myself and I found AA. I so desperately did not want to drink that I threw myself, head first, into the Program of A.A. At first, for me, that meant meetings every day and sponsorship.

If I can get sober you can. By the grace of God I'll have 4 years of sobriety soon and all I had to do was become teachable and follow the directions laid out in Our Big Book.

I'll be keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers!! Please let us know how your doing. (((hugs)))

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Sheryl,

most alcoholics don't feel motivated while they still have enablers (husband, wife, parents...) in their lives
taking up the slack. Typically most come into the program defeated by a divorce, bankruptcy, lost job, court action, medical problem.... or a combination (some all of the above). You're on the right track though recognizing that you have a split in your personality (ala dr. jekyl/mr. hyde) and we have to get rid of mr. hyde (or john barlycorn as the big book says). It takes a tremendous effort and commitment to make the changes necessary to rid ourselves of the obsession to drink. The main problem is that you don't really know what you're up against and need an education, but the student must be willing before the teacher will arrive.
Well in this case the teacher is waiting and student must arrive. Get yourself to an AA meeting each day for an hour. Make a commitment to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. On the 91st day (or any day) you can always go back to drinking, we'll gladly refund your misery.

Dean

slhNY125 · Member

Thanks for all the fast encouragement. I just did a meditation and a bit of journaling to help myself "see" myself. It helped to write it down and look at it. I don't want to be this person and I know I don't have to be. Being an addict is so full of ups and downs. After a little self reflection, I feel like nothing can make me take another drink, but I know that sense of security is also fleeting. I'll trick myself again and I know it.

I think my biggest obstacle is my workplace. The frig is stocked with beer (and I don't even like beer, but I'll drink it), and many of my co-workers start drinking at the end of the day. It's difficult to be around. I start to crave a drink around lunch time, because after all, I worked hard all morning. By the end of the day it feels all but impossible not to have a yucky beer. There is good news. There's an AA meeting location just around the corner that has lunchtime and evening meetings. I gotta go.

I started drinking at around 12. I'm 36 now and I've been addicted since that first drink. I know I can't quit alone. I've been trying that for years!

Thanks again to everyone. Your words are music to my ears.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

You're biggest obstacle is your head lol. Booze is everywhere, geography has not a lot to do with it, although it helps to keep yourself out of places that you're accustomed to drinking to break the habit. Our drinking problems are more than an inconvenience. At best it'll ruin your life, at worst it'll kill you in thousand different ways. Once we admit that we are powerless over drinking, after talking the first drink, and that this disease will kill us, we're ready to do whatever it takes to stay sober. Join that lunch group and go every day.
Pack your lunch and save some money. Be honest with those people. Tell them that you're new and that you need help. Ask for a temporary sponsor and follow Her suggestions. Tell us how it's going (good or not so good), we're here for you.

good luck in your new journey.

Dean

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 15:45, 2009-02-16

Tomas · Senior Member

Sheryl...I agree whole heartedly with everything that has been said...I hear a lot of rationalization on your part about how destructive your drinking has been..I have not heard one word about taking effective action..or doing something positive about it..

When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired..and you decide to get off the elevator before it reaches rock bottom ...you can get off at any floor...and call AA...then let go and let God...and your alcohol problem will be in good hands.

slhNY125 · Member

Thomas,

Well, to be fair, the rationalization you speak of was meant to be said with a wink. I know it's a rationalization and I know I do it all the time. I realize it's not funny, but sometimes a smile helps. I got on here to vent a bit in a safe place. I do work with positive measures, but it hasn't quite stuck yet. I've been to AA, had a sponser, taken up meditation, done yoga for six years, and tried reworking the way I look at my life and the situations I'm in. And I plan to continue doing all of these until if fully sinks in. I was hoping for advice that was a bit more original. Please don't take offense, but I'm really more interested in hearing from people who actually have something to say that I haven't heard a million times before. Everyone else who's commented on this board, thank you for your support. It means a lot.

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

Selfishess, self centeredness! That we think is the root of our problems.

Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self seeking and self pity.

You have the standard garden variety alcoholic mind that is programed to drink. If we are alcoholic there is no justification for picking up the first drink.

Sorry, nothing orignial here, just need to really get honest and work the program

I would suggest you get your husband to Al-anon meetings so he can better learn to deal with your alcoholism.

Tomas · Senior Member

I feel so sorry for those who don't get it...Haven't hit bottom yet...seen it over and over...The point is there IS NO originality...What I said and reading the meaningful comments above...I heard a thousand times and it's dead on

Try this on......A simple program for complcated people...

If I thought this was a site of people telling their war stories while drinking..I certainly would have better things to do..as I'm sure others with sobriety the same...The prospect needs to be openminded and willing..and try at least to be honest.

slhNY125 · Member

First of all, I don't seem to be the only person on this site who is "sharing" and being "honest". I didn't come here to read excerpts from the Big Book (while I do appreciate them). I came here to talk to real people who can make a real difference and maybe, just maybe make a difference myself by sharing my story. Don't feel sorry for me. Your pity is wasted. How dare you say I'm not being honest, why the hell else would I be here? I am openning up. I'm sorry if I'm not well versed in the language of AA, but I was hoping for support not pity and certainly not to be condescended to by someone who is clearly too busy to be bothering with a hopeless case such as myself.

slhNY125 · Member

Oh, and to Rob84, thank you. Your words are very helpful. I mean that from my heart.

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

slhNY125 wrote:

Oh, and to Rob84, thank you. Your words are very helpful. I mean that from my heart.

You are welcome, I hope you find the light. My wife has been sober 9.5 years of the 10 years we have been married. The 6 months where extreemly difficult and confusing but it gave me a perspective on the difficulties of living with a alcoholic.

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Sheryl,

Welcome to MIP.

It's great news that there is a meeting just around the corner from you. I would suggest getting to as many meetings as you possibly can. Meetings help to keep me sober.

You'll be amazed at the warm welcome that you'll get at a meeting. The room will be filled with people who know exactly how you are feeling - we have all been there.

Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you? I'm so glad that you are here with us.

Take care,

Carol

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

slhNY125 wrote:

I do work with positive measures, but it hasn't quite stuck yet. I've been to AA, had a sponser, taken up meditation, done yoga for six years, and tried reworking the way I look at my life and the situations I'm in. And I plan to continue doing all of these until if fully sinks in. I was hoping for advice that was a bit more original. Please don't take offense, but I'm really more interested in hearing from people who actually have something to say that I haven't heard a million times before. Everyone else who's commented on this board, thank you for your support. It means a lot.

Hi Sheryl,

I was in and out of AA for a couple years, and went to meetings during that period most of the time. I treated it like going to the gym or something, a place that I went, as an individual, for an hour a few times a week and left.
I didn't meet many people and didn't engage the one's that I met, certainly didn't befriend them, call them, or go hang out with them at other times or places. To be honest, they weren't "the kind of people" that I wanted to associate with. I thought that most were sicker than I and that they weren't on the same level with me intellectually. Of course this was my insecurity and ego working against me, and as the years went by more of the "not yets" became part of my story and "those people" started looking better to me. Each time that I'd drink and go back into meetings, I'd try and do one more thing that was suggested to me to stay sober. You see I was so smart and healthy that I felt I didn't need all the steps or a sponsor, or the fellowship, or the literature, or service work, or working with others. I had made the special custom made program for Dean, that included just going to a few meetings a week and telling people around me that I was getting sober "in AA".

I "tried" for two years to get sober like this and keep my marriage. I wound up losing this great job (one of a kind) and got separated for the last time from my wife. I no longer had a designated driver/enabler. I was alone and knew that things were going to get much worse in short amount of time. I was then ready to do all of the suggestions. I got what I thought was a tough old timer sponsor, began my 90 in 90, made 2 step meetings my home groups, took a coffee comittment and had 3 sober roommates move into my house. I soon realized that the biggest thing that I was missing was the fellowship of AA. I was surprised when I "found out" (eyes were closed for years) that many of the people that I been in meetings with were professional, business owners, and pillars of the community with graduate degress (I never finished high school but I was an intellectual

).

It was funny how these smart people just kept saying the same things over and over again, because that's how it works. There are no custom programs, no unique thing that you're going to hear. It a simple program that you either identify into or identify yourself out. It's worked for 10's of millions and it will work for you if you work it. Only 1 out 20 will "get it" and I am truly grateful for the the 19 that had to leave so that I could stay. Many wonderful gifts have been given (so many that you wouldn't believe) to me in the nearly 20 years that I been blessed to stay sober and in the program. I hope that you'll get the blessing too. It's never too late to make a new beginning.

btw have you read "Staying sober" by Gosrski?
It's a must read, especially for chronic relapsers. http://www.amazon.com/Staying-Sober-Guide-Relapse-Prevention/dp/083090459X
The book goes into great detail about "post acute withdrawal syndrome" or PAWS. Here's a chapter of the book about paws, that I posted last year.
http://aa.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42735&p=3&topicID=15178283

Dean

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 07:19, 2009-02-17

Jerry · Member

You do have a desire to stay sober.

Perhaps you are ready to be ready to stop drinking.

One lady who came into AA about seven years after me drank in her car before each meeting and after each meeting for two years before she stopped drinking entirely.

I immediately ask God to please keep me sober anytime I see a bottle of alcohol or the thought of of having a drink enters my mind.

slhNY125 · Member

Thanks. That's exactly what I wanted/needed to hear. I experienced similar feeling when I first tried the program. My yoga has helped me a lot with becoming more accepting of others (realizing we're all equal), but some of that old ego still resides within me whether I like it or not. I'm going to a meeting today in a few hours. I'll keep you posted. Thanks again, so much!

runs10k11714 · Member

Dear slhny25:
Sounds lke your having a great one on one with yourself. Especially the "deserve part" Wait'll your sober awhile and find all the things you've been give that you didn't deserve. At least that's been my experience.
I started going to AA when I was 19 and got sober at 27. I mention that because the biggest thing that kept me from being sober was the willingness to have an honest relationship with anyone in the rooms. Whenever it came to crunch time I made my own decisions. I hadn't learned that a community of one is insanity!! The willngness had to come from me, just like the willingness came from me when I got high. When the time comes for you to see your willingness ,in other words, when it comes time to follow a suggestion and you decide you don't want to, go ahead and reward your deserving self. Just remember this our disease wants to do three things to you and me and I believe anyone else trying to live a sober life a day at a time. It wants to separate me from the people who can help me in AA. It will ALWAYS use my character defects to do that. Then it wants to surround my emotions with the manure that being separated from my brothers and sisters in AA causes and then it wants to "take me out" for real. Just hang around and watch it work. It will always degrade me in it's active phase. One look at the experiencial part of my story shows me that. Then through me it'll try to kill and cause as much pain to the ones who love me. See in my addiction what I'm too proud to know is that I'm beyond any help in this dimension or love anyone outside the rooms has to offer to .....that is until I surrender the whole hefty trash bag of garbage my life has become at least over to the care of 2 or 3 other people in my group. Give it a try. Whattya' got to lose. You can always reward yourself.......How's that rewarding stuff working for you anyway??
Good Luck-John

-- Edited by runs10k11714 at 13:34, 2009-02-17

slhNY125 · Member

They're not really "rewards". More like punishments disguised as rewards.

Doll · MIP Old Timer

slhNY125 wrote:

. I didn't come here to read excerpts from the Big Book (while I do appreciate them). I came here to talk to real people who can make a real difference and maybe, just maybe make a difference myself by sharing my story. Don't feel sorry for me.

Sorry gal, but that's what THIS IS an AA website. I got sober by the Big Book . All those 'excerpts' were MY LIFE! That book and AA saved my life. I'm grateful everyday that I don't pick up a drink and I owe it ALL to God, AA , my sponsor and the folks here on this board.

The excerpts have proven for over 70 yrs that they work, and that's where we begin. Our 'stories' come later.......

I don't feel sorry for you, I feel SAD WITH you. We are ALL exactly alike when it comes to the disease of alcoholism, therefore I can empathize, that is the purpose of our fellowship.

(((hugs)))

Please keep coming back.

slhNY125 · Member

I apologize for that comment. I was angry (for many, many reasons). I realize that those excerpts save MANY people and that I was totally insensitive. I hope they save me, too. I think there is inherent difficulty in writing out what you're feeling for others, who don't know anything about you, to read. It can easily be misinterpreted. I did come on here to share stories, and through that find a way to connect with others. If that's not what it's about on this board, I get it. I guess because this isn't my first attempt at sobriety that I got frustrated hearing this stuff again when it didn't help me the first time. However, I don't want to take anything away from those who have been helped. I just came from a meeting. Got lots of numbers. Hopefully I'll get a sponser out of it. I want it to work this time, I really do.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

slhNY125 wrote:

I want it to work this time, I really do.

that's the stuff, just remember it's a process not an event. two things that really helped me, was praying to have the obsession to drink removed and getting my 4th and 5th steps done.

Doll · MIP Old Timer

slhNY125 wrote:

I apologize for that comment. I was angry (for many, many reasons). I realize that those excerpts save MANY people and that I was totally insensitive. I hope they save me, too. I think there is inherent difficulty in writing out what you're feeling for others, who don't know anything about you, to read. It can easily be misinterpreted. I did come on here to share stories, and through that find a way to connect with others. If that's not what it's about on this board, I get it. I guess because this isn't my first attempt at sobriety that I got frustrated hearing this stuff again when it didn't help me the first time. However, I don't want to take anything away from those who have been helped. I just came from a meeting. Got lots of numbers. Hopefully I'll get a sponser out of it. I want it to work this time, I really do.

No apologies are needed. Getting / being angry is your right. Feel what you feel.

In my humble opinion, you may have 'heard ' it all before, but apparently you weren't 'listening'. Try again? The first 164 pages of the BB is the MEAT of sobriety. Open your mind and your heart. Say a prayer, even you don't believe in prayer, do it anyway! Ask every morning "help me stay sober today" and when you've accomplished that, say "thank you" before going to sleep. Do it, everyday. Get to meetings, listen, I mean really listen. It WILL work, but only if you do the work.

I'm praying for you.

(((hugs))) and lots of love, gal.

Jen

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

You CAN get and stay sober, don't let this disease tell you otherwise.

If you can stay sober for one hour, you can stay sober for 12 hours. And for 24 hours. If you do that just once a day (stay sober for 24 hours, and repeat once every day), you never have to drink again.

The hard part is the AA work that will insure that you DO stay sober 24 hours at a time. Getting a sponsor, going to meetings, steps, reaching out when you feel squirrelly.

But you can do it. If I could do it, you can do it.