How do you know if you're an alcoholic?

JackieR · Newbie

How do you know if you're an alcoholic?

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

JackieR wrote:

Hello. I think I may have a problem with alcohol....
I felt more in control. I know that must sound funny to you because doesn't alcohol take away being in control? I don't know.
I don't crave drinking, but I crave that feeling that I get from having those drinks.

Hi Jackie, welcome to the board. It's mostly women in here, you'll fit right in. What you're discribing is text book stuff. The founder of AA (or co-founder) Bill Wilson was a corporate sales person that had to entertain business clients, traveling ect... Please read the the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" here's a link to in online. http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/.

You comments about control ect... It's been said that until we began drinking we were seriously trying to control ourselves ala "straightlaced all business woman..." as we were always afraid of what people would think if we just acted like ourselves, because of low self esteem issues. When we
drank we were then Out of control for perhaps the first time, and it felt good, helped up be all do all, life of the party kinda stuff. It liberated us and made us more of all we wished to be. A true gift, we thought, until alcohol turned on us. "The repacious creditor" the book describes alcohol, think a deal with the devil and repayment time.

"I don't crave drinking, but I crave that feeling that I get from having those drinks. "

thats like saying that I don't like sex, just the way it makes me feel. Or I don't like money, just like what I can buy with it... denial at it's best.
Bottom line is that no one but you can tell you that you have a drinking problem. But chances are, if you're asking the question than you probably do. I like John Bradshaw's definition of addiction.

"It's a pathological relationship (love to/have to) to a mood altering substance or event that has Life Damaging Consequences."

Good luck in your new journey, I suggest reading the book, obstaining from drinking for a month (or trying some controlled drinking 1 or 2 drinks max),
And calling AA to find a speakers meeting in your area and asking for a woman to meet you or take to the meeting.

Dean

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 11:09, 2009-02-12

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jackie,

Welcome to MIP.

Only you can decide whether you have a problem with alcohol and want to give A.A. a try.

Here are some questions that are on a UK AA website:-

"Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
Is drinking affecting your reputation?
Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
Do you drink alone?
Have you lost time from work due to drinking?
Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
Are you in financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
Do you turn to or seek an inferior environment when drinking?
Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
Do you want a drink the next morning?
Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
Has your doctor ever treated you for drinking?
Have you ever been in hospital or prison because of drinking?

If you have answered YES to any one of the questions, there is a definite warning that you may be alcoholic.

If you have answered YES to any two, the chances are that you are an alcoholic.

If you have answered YES to three or more, you are definitely an alcoholic."

Alcoholism doesn't respect any body's age, job or anything. It is a disease. I started back with AA over three years ago and my life has changed so much for the better. I used to think that alcohol gave me confidence, now I know that it didn't.

Please keep posting and letting us know how things are going for you, won't you?

Take care,

Carol

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Jackie,
Welcome to the board. All the thoughts and suggestions posted in the replies are solid. There's possibly a genetic predisposition here as well. It was with me too. My Dad and later found out his whole side of the family. My Dads story is similair to yours. Starting drinking in his early 30's, prior to this no drinking. Left the family soon after discovering the drink to pursue his drinking career. Saw him 8 years later after living on the streets and several hospital stays. He is now sober.
I've heard it doesn't matter when you started drinking or the amount you drank but what it did to you when consumed. Alcohol is but a symptom of our diesase. I drank for effect- to drown my fears (lots of them and resentments). The obession(thoughts) and physical compulsion can come at any time during our drinking. Once this hits AA and it's program is our only hope for survival. These are my thoughts.

tomvlll · Member

I've found that I needn't have gone any further than the two questions in the big book. ( Paraphrasing)

1) do you find that you can't stop drinking even though you've honestly tried?

2) do you find that you can't control your drinking once you start?

For me, those two questions were easily answered and I had no trouble with my 'self'diagnosing'

It is my OPINION, that expanding the number of questions usuallys lead to more confusion because it gives us more potential ' loopholes' we can use to rationalize.

"well, I've really never had trouble sleeping , so maybe I'm not an alcoholic"

Dodsworth · Senior Member

I think StPete has the answer for ya. None of us can tell you but try some seriously strict drinking (ie: controlled), or if not drinking at all for a couple weeks or better yet, a month, if that scares you or seems almost impossible, then there might be something to be concerned about. Enjoying the way alcohol makes you feel doesnt necessarily make you an alcoholic or problem drinker. When my drinking became chronic and obviously alcoholic, I felt like crap all the time unless i was drinking: sick/tired/nervous/anxious/jittery...hope this helps.

barisax · Senior Member

I work for someone I used to drink with. A long time ago. The results of our drinking together were usually not good. Not that we got in trouble with the law, just that we had issues, arguments, etc. that would better be discussed sober especially in the context of a business relationship.

After a long period of time away from this person, I went back to work for him again a few years ago - me now sober. He still drinks. I think he is the only person I know since I've been sober that has *repeatedly* offered me drinks, or pretended to "forget" I don't drink. I think he views my sobriety as a judgement of him somehow... almost as if he could get me to drink that it would somehow make his own drinking "ok". It's fascinating to me that a person who otherwise has far more discipline than I'll ever have - the discipline to build and run a successful business and wisely invest his money instead of squandering it - can be in such denial over drinking.

I don't honestly know if he's an alcholic. Sometimes he says he is, sometimes he says he "used to be" an alcoholic, now he's in control, etc. None of this changes what I have to do to stay sober today. I like my job, a lot. I don't feel that drinking is, or should be, a job requirement. Fortunately I'm not in sales, or I'd be spending a lot more time with the boss in that context. As it is right now, I go months without even seeing him. I think the reality is, he knows good and well that I'm a better employee today than I was back in 1980 when I'd go out drinking with him. I don't think he really wants me to drink, and in fact he may even be proud of me. He seems to set me up for these "Oh that's right! You don't drink!" moments in front of people he's trying to impress, which is not what I'd choose for myself. He has broken my anonymity several times, once even asked me if I'd "sponsor" another employee that clearly had a problem. I laughed out loud at that one.

Anyway... I think your experience confirms what I believe, that for many of us, alcoholism is in the blood. I started drinking when I was 18 - an alcoholic waiting to happen. I know someone who is now 59 that is a rabid teetotaler... father was an alcoholic, he swore he'd never drink, he even did his hitch in the military without drinking. Then one day his co-workers cajoled him into taking a drink at a Christmas party... he got absolutely plastered, and went through the entire remorse, shame, guilt... to see him the morning after you'd swear he was one of us all the way. He hasn't touched a drop since - strictly on will power - but I'm pretty sure - as is he - what would happen if he did. When I look at him, and see how unhappy he is so much of the time, I'm grateful that I'm an alcoholic who DID drink, and found out what was wrong with me, and have taken the treatment and stayed sober. For someone like my friend, he's too stoic and strong willed to be an alcoholic. He doesn't suffer the consequences of *drinking*, but he suffers the symptoms of the disease of alcholism none the less.

As for my boss, his wealth shields him effectively from any consequences, as well as keeping him from ever going into a room full of drunks in a church basement for help. Oddly enough though, he was the same back when I knew him before he was rich. He wasn't rich.. yet.. but knew he was on his way to being rich, so he acted the part. Sometimes I think the proverbial bum under the bridge stands a better chance of recovery than the rich man - just because the rich man won't exhaust his alternatives in his lifetime. As long as he can afford a helicopter to pick him up, he'll never hit bottom.

Barisax

Dodsworth · Senior Member

Excellent post barisax.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Dodsworth wrote:

Excellent post barisax.

+1 as always

Tomas · Senior Member

I'd Rather live my life sober, believing that I'm an Alcoholic, than as a drunk, trying to convince myself that I am not

It's a very powerful statement even today after a long period of sobriety I fall back on that statement....Knowing one is an alcoholic, admitting it and accepting it is not an easy issue. Most people are not very successful and die of the illness.

There is another powerful statement in AA. When a person is ready..nothing that can be said is wrong. When they are not ready nothing that can be said to them is right.. My thoughts, how the "original poster" receives the respective comments becomes an obvious personal issue of introspetion...Everyone who has recovered from the effects of alcohol will certainly extol the benefits and are always more than willing to enthusiastically share.

It's probably safe to say, you as a prospect need to hit a bottom which is again a very personal sometimes complicated issue to conclude...with varying degrees of denial running in each and every one of us. With some who still maintain employment, the issue, becomes even more complicated. You might start with "are you happy...and if not , why not, and what can I do about it."

With me...the statement that got through... was that alcoholism became a realization of personal loss...You loose your sense of personal dignity, you lose your friends, you lose your drivers license, you lose your job... and eventually your life. I identified with loss...My bottom was reached, I was desparate, and I embraced AA..and a subsequent new life based upon those principles...I was one of a very small percentage..who appear to get sober, and maintain a sober way of living in a world which embraces the use of alcohol...and knows very little of alcoholism, in a sea of mis-information...i.e in my respective opinion..

The AA philosophy embrassed, is that it takes other AA's to help another recover...That philosphy recognized as true by most responsible authorities has often, more recently been critisized...but again I find that in my experience to be true and accurate...and it has proved successful in over three generations now.... That we need not defend AA

There may be other ways to recover, now often heard, even through moderate drinking... as some claim. As it says in the Big Book, the AA text, "our hats are off to them"..but AA works for me... and many others. It's not a program for people who need it , often heard. but a program for people who want it.

Good luck... I hope my comments are helpful to you.

-- Edited by Tomas at 08:14, 2009-02-14