I have battled a drinking problem for the past few years and just recently started attending AA meetings. The meetings have helped me immensely however I have only been attending meetings for a little over two weeks but the people i have met are already hounding me to get a sponsor.The sponsor as we understand will oversee my recovery and demand that I attend a meeting every night for a year, not be around alcohol even at a sporting event or social function. I also won't be allowed to watch any television show that has drinking in it. The basic idea is I will not be allowed for one year to be around people, places or things with alcohol. I guess one of my questions is how common or is it a good idea to hound me to get a sponsor when I have only been attending meetings for a little over two weeks? Also is their requirements of attending a meeting every day for a year, and not being able to go anywhere with alcohol or watch a TV show with drinking a bit on on the extreme side? I appreciate the help these people are giving me but again it just really seems extreme.
The group I have met also have advised me that all info between myself and my sponsor must be kept from my husband. I have no problem keeping my sponsors personal info private but they want all info in regards to my recovery kept from him also. I have a hard time keeping info from my husband especially when alot of it will affect our lives together.
We posted this same question on another message board and received alot of info from other recovering alcoholics and all of them to a tee said this group was very extreme. When I mentioned that we had asked on a message board for other opinions or options than the ones their group presented me, one of the leaders stated that "it was unfortunate we did this because their way is the only sure way for recovery".
I do need help, but I am not so sure this is the group for me.
It is suggested to make 90 meetings in 90 days........Getting a sponsor right away is best, as you need someone to GUIDE you through the steps, etc......A sponsor is someone to help you through the program, to be there to talk about whatever and to make suggestions!
I think, especially early in sobriety, if someone said a sponsor was going to MAKE me do anything, I'd have 1st told them to kiss my ass and then I'd have run in the opposite direction........
Try some different meetings, keep an open mind and listen when the women speak. Find one that has what you want and go from there.....
Welcome to MIP. And congrats on taking the 1st step to this awesome journey we call sobriety.
(((hugs)))
Jen
"Every sponsor is necessarily a leader. The stakes are huge. A human life, and usually the happiness of a whole family, hangs in the balance. What the sponsor does and says, how well he estimates the reactions of his prospects, how well he times and makes his presentation, how well he handles criticisms, and how well he leads his prospect on by personal spiritual example - well, these attributes of leadership can make all the difference, often the difference between life and death". - Bill W
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
The group I have met also have advised me that all info between myself and my sponsor must be kept from my husband. I have no problem keeping my sponsors personal info private but they want all info in regards to my recovery kept from him also. I have a hard time keeping info from my husband especially when alot of it will affect our lives together.
"The only requirement, for membership, is a desire to stop drinking."
The rest are only suggestions. This bit about keeping stuff secret from your husband is pure bs. If they said that, then you probably should look for another group to attend. AA groups are autonomous and can, through a voting process in a group conscience meeting, decide to have readings and I guess other non standard messages, but it's very very uncommon.
While getting a sponsor asap is a good idea, and going to meetings daily for while is also a good idea, there is no requirement to do so. Staying away from the people, places, and things that you used to drink with or around is also a good idea and widely recommended to help you break the habit of drinking. The AA program has about 80 years of experience with trying various ways to quit drinking and many of us have tried to do it "our way" including myself for 2 years, and it wasn't until I began following suggestions that I stayed sober. Hope this helps and welcome to our board, keep coming back .
A sponsor's primary responsibility is to help a sponsee work the 12 Steps A sponsor helps us work the 12 Steps by providing explanation, guidance and encouragement.
A sponsor helps us get established quickly in our Fellowship by explaining basic concepts and terminology and by introducing us to other members.
A sponsor is a safe person whom we can learn to trust. A sponsor can answer the many questions that we can have as newcomers or develop as "mid-timers."
A sponsor can help us in the process of self-examination that the Steps require.
A sponsor encourages us to read the basic text of our Fellowship and other program literature and to engage in Fellowship activities and service work.
A sponsor can monitor our progress, confront us when it is appropriate and generally help us stay on the recovery path.
A sponsor confronts our behavior, not our being, and he or she does it with compassion.
A sponsor reminds us to apply 12 Step principles in our lives. A sponsor models the 12 Step program of recovery. Our sponsor is available in times of crisis. A sponsor provides practice in building relationships.
WHAT A SPONSOR DOES NOT DO: A sponsor cannot keep us in recovery. A sponsor is not our therapist A sponsor should not attempt to control our lives or encourage an unhealthy dependence.
A sponsor should not take advantage of us our exploit us in any way.
SOME FACTORS TO CONSIDER IN CHOOSING A SPONSOR: Has what we want Lives in the solution Walks the talk Has a sponsor Emphasizes the steps Has more time in recovery than we do Has worked more steps than we have Is available for telephone calls and meetings Emphasizes the spiritual aspect of the program Gender is the same as ours*
IF A POTENTIAL SPONSOR SAYS NO:
Some reasons are:
The person is currently sponsoring as many people as he or she can handle. A sponsor who takes on too many sponsees does each of them (and himself or herself) a disservice.
The person is not taking on new sponsees because of a heavy travel schedule, a planned move, or some other reason based on where he or she is in life or the program.
After discussing the potential sponsorship, the person realizes the match would not be a good one. That conclusion is as much about the potential sponsor as it is about us.
When potential sponsors reject our request for sponsorship, it is usually about them.
It's a privilege to sponsor someone. And it's one of the ways we stay in recovery.
Hi and welcome. I am a relative newcomer with now about 4 and a half months. What you described what really disheartening to me because it was not the welcome that I got when I went to AA at first. It makes me a bit angry that people are treating you this way. Some people are very dogmatic in their approach to AA and that is great for them, but you have to walk a fine line of following suggestions, surrendering to your alcoholism and powerlessness, while also making choices that are healthy for you. AA is for you primarily and a huge part of being sober is that now you have choices other than running to a bottle to deal with life. The people in AA are "there to love you until you can love yourself." That is the vibe that I found most helpful in my first couple of months. I picked up a sponsor at day 6 and it has been a blessing. Sometimes he is hard on me, but he knows what he tells me are "Suggestions" and it is my choice whether or not to follow them. I also believe in early recovery you should search around for different groups and don't rush to find a home group. Attend different meetings. Also it sounds like you could use some beginners meetings. Those meetings are there for you and not for a bunch of oldtimers to tell you what to do. I pray that you find the loving AA fellowship that you deserve and that I have. Have faith, it is out there and you only need to find it. A sponsor will come into your life when God puts the person in front of you and you don't need to worry about it. I think when you find some kinder and gentler meetings, the person will appear to you. Keep working your recovery. AA is a worldwide organization. No group has the right or the power to say their way is the only way. It may be within reason to say that AA is the only way, but not the way any one group says so. I have seen many people incorperate AA into their lives in different ways. In that sense, I see AA may be the only way to recovery, but it is how you let AA into your life and how you strike a balance. Sorry to ramble. Just that your post bothered me in that it sounds like these dogmatic people are about to chase you out of AA completely and that would be the worst thing.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
It sounds like you have been going primarily to one meeting, or one meeting location...
Hopefully you have others available.
The sponsor is your choice. There are people who are hard core sponsors, and then there are laizzez faire sponsors. And everything in between. You have to find out what works for you, but - choose for the right reason.
I hate to say it, but you may need to shop around. I think I was very fortunate in that I met my sponsor at my first meeting. He didn't become my sponsor then, but I kept seeing him at meetings and talking to him, and finally I asked. The *only* thing that he wanted me to do, ASAP, was get a home group outside of the clubhouse - and he had one in mind (his) and it has been my home group ever since.
To me having a sponsor was having a guide and teacher I could see every week - at minimum - to call and just talk or say what was on my mind when I was hurting, to ask about the steps when I'm ready, or maybe to push me a bit when I'm dragging my feet. Having been a sponsor - and an even more laid back one than my sponsor was - there's no "guru" status... AA isn't kung fu, or TM. Like I said, some sponsors take a dominant role - and some people choose a dominant sponsor and that's what they want or at least think they need. Fortunately sponsors are chosen, not assigned.
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