I never understood how the people I met in AA were able to deal with the thought of never being able to drink again. I believed that they must secretly be suffering and living miserable unhappy lives. I told myself that they probably we're just nice and happy at meetings but then went home and yelled at their wife, smacked their kids and kicked their cat. I didn't understand until it happened to me and the desire just wasn't there anymore. Then it wasn't about trying not to drink, it was just about being sober and happy.
I look back now at the way I acted, even at some of my earlier posts on this website, and I don't recognize that guy. I was so irritable, irrational and unhappy and I was determined to make everyone around me that way too. I've always been great about sharing :)
I just thought I would throw this out there for the newb who might be feeling the way I was. It gets better, it gets less difficult...just roll with it and if you slip pick yourself up, dust yourself off, plant your tail firmly between your legs and keep coming back. If it takes a 1000 times just keep being brave enough to come back.
I, personally, can not fathom the idea of NEVER drinking again, so that's where "just for today" comes in for me. Took me a while to get that one, too! But thank you HP, my desire was removed, somewhere, sometime ago........
Good to see you. AWESOME post, thank you!
(((hugaroonies)))
Jen
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
That was an awesome post. I have only been on here for a couple of months, but I have read your past posts and this one definitely reflects that you have been working a good program. I think the desire to drink is removed when you truly surrender and work the first 3 steps. It doesn't have to be surrendering to God. It can be surrendering to the process of AA and the higher power can be the rooms or whatever. It basically just seems to be accepting the basic concept that you can't control everything.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thankyou for sharing this & all your honesty, J. A real heart warming post & one I can identify with. I was restless, irritable & discontent up until most recently too. The obsession playing away in the back of my mind whilst I continued preparing for surrender. Somewhere along the way, something shifted & I experienced this psychic change too. I have conceded to my innermost self my true powerlessness over alcohol & other things.. People, places & things lol
I know I am my problem & my Higher Power is my solution. It's a great art learning how to practice these principles in all my affairs & to be ever vigilant in how I may get in my own way again. I'm glad I know how pervasive my self centred fear can be & that I don't have to be ruled by it today. This is a gift of choice I can have now & I don't need to take a drink for any reason whether I be happy, sad, glad or mad. There is nothing in my life a drink could improve & lots it would certainly make worse & I hang onto that.
Also, this fellowship is amazing & I love, Love, LOVE (((((((LOOOOVVE))))))) being a part of it lol A most recent gift I've been experiencing is an old friend of mine coming in & looking for recovery. I'm so grateful to be learning what I know today to be able to offer out my hand with the ability to now be there for her. That has really brought it home for me & made this Sobriety a full circle. Thankyou for sharing your Journey as you go with us too, J. In fellowship, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Thank you, T Mc. Your post has really made my day. When I see the growth in others, it both makes me ever more grateful for AA, and inspires me to stay on this path, a day at a time, so that I too can continue to grow.
You are a miracle, and thank you very much for sharing that miracle with all of us.
BG
