I learned that a friend and her husband recently died, killed by a drunk driver. My heart is broken - and there is no anger towards the drunk driver - only absolute sorrow. That could have been me in the past - so many times. I thank my HP for saving others and myself from the horrible affects alcohol had on me. I pray for everyone who has lost in this tragedy. She was a beautiful woman.
On another note - I was out at a "house concert" last night. It was so wonderful, so peaceful, such honest music and sharing of ideals and positive thinking about "REALITY". It was VERY real. Not only am I thankful for the event, but again - for the program - whether AA or Al-Anon (or CODA or SLAA - LOL). I was able to be fully present and recognize even more about myself. The host has two beautiful daughters. Toward the end of the evening one climbed in her lap, in front of a room full of people, and went to sleep wrapped in the safety of her mother's arms. It brought out so many emotions. I was so happy for her....for that VERY moment - a precious moment. I was sad for the child I just lost and also for having a daughter that is entirely too big to do that anymore, but grateful we did have a LOT of those moments together. Then I realized - in a flash that was like a smack in the face - I couldn't remember EVER sitting in my Mom's lap or holding her hand. All of those brought a tear to my eye and such a sense of thankfulness that I get to TRULY SEE and FEEL these things in my life - identify them - accept them - love them - and love me.
I am not evading myself through others, hiding in my anger, or numbing myself with alcohol anymore. Little by little life is getting so much better.
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
Thank you for sharing that!! My prayers to the family and the friends of your friends.
I also identified with you and you're mom. Today, with the help of the Steps and God, I understand my mom did the best she could with what she had. I don't have children, but today I try to give those things I felt I didn't have with my mom to others, without expectations. What a blessing to be able to feel this way today.
