what goes up must come down

texaa · Veteran Member

what goes up must come down

texaa · Veteran Member

whoops, sorry about that, not sure how i posted it twice.....

Dakota · Senior Member

"God, please help me to not drink today. Please guide me to show love to my brother and to all who I come in contact with.inside AA and everywhere, and most of all, please help me to pray and to be grateful. Thankyou for the life I have had, for all the good, bad and ugly of it, and for leaving me alive despite the things I have done and the places I have been. I am grateful right now. Thankyou

Paul"

Good prayer Paul.

You know God is with you when you can say thanks even in the lowest of lows...And I think He especially hears you when you are there and earnest in you prayer.

You are thankful to your maker for the smallest of things. Imagine how much he loves you. Recognize the warmth of the sun on your face and the beauty of the life in and around you. He will be there for you -

You are not alone. Prayers are being sent right now for your soul to repair and that you will regain strength and get the help you so need.

-- Edited by Dakota at 13:03, 2009-01-08

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Thanks for sharing! Glad you're here!
I'll keep you in my prayers.

texaa · Veteran Member

Thanks Dakota and Jane....nice thoughts, it is nearly 7am here, not feeling too unhealthy this morning, and feeling positive....read some big book and made some signs to put around the house to keep reminding me I am an alcoholic, and just for today, I will do my best, with God's help, not to drink. Time for some food.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

welcome back Paul.

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Paul,

Welcome to MIP. I do hope that you'll keep posting.

Take care,

Carol

texaa · Veteran Member

Well, just went to 7pm meeting, very nice. Feeling good, and my brother is even saying he wants to go to the nine am meeting I go to tomorrow morning, so that's nice.

I'm feeling pretty good, but also painfully aware how easily my sick head can turn a good feeling into a reason to drink, or even without thinking about it I can find myself buying alcohol or going into a bar, unless I am very wary and careful to have a defence against the first drink.

AA, friends in AA, and reading, writing, self assessment are all part of it right now, and prayer and meditation, with the prayer being based mainly around just not drinking, knowing that if that is the only thing I can achieve for the day, that it will be a good day, and most other things will take care of themselves.

Thanks for the support Carol.

Paul

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Hello texaa!! Sounds like you're off to a great start!!! I remembered this prayer while reading some of what you wrote and wanted to share it with you. It's simple, short, and nothing new. But, it helps me and several of my friends.

God, Creative Intelligence, Universal Mind, Spirit of Nature or Spirit of the Universe....my name is_______, and I'm a real alcholic... and I need your help today.

B.B.
pg. 10, 46, & Chp. 3

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Doesn't sound like you need advice when you are already doing all the right things.

texaa · Veteran Member

Thanks guys, I am trying to do the best I can, and with a couple of years in the program, and heaps of meetings under my belt, I am lucky enough to know what to do, but as an alcoholic, this is sometimes not enough.

Thanks for the praise, but even that can be dangerous to me, because I can start patting myself on the back, and thinking I have it skun, and next thing you know, I am picking up a drink.....just about anything which happens can turn into a drink if I'm not very careful.

I am lucky in one way.....I am doing a training course for work, which involves intensive home study on a computer, viewing some training discs, and there is an exam at work on the next contact day on Thursday next, so I have plenty to do, but also that being at home could be dangerous, so a meeting a day is mandatory, and can easily be fit into my study schedule.

My brother said he will come to this morning meeting with me, so hope he does, but if not, that is his story, not mine, though I have some strategies to convince him today, and with help from my higher power, I am hopeful I can convince him to come with me, in a nice way, and with his willing attendance.

Another thing which is interesting.....I have this new girl friend.....and I think it may not work out, which I am feeling surprisingly accepting of, but I told her I am in AA, and she was really understanding and complimentary of the fact that I am doing something about a problem I have, but last night I was on the phone to her, told her I was about to go to the meeting, and she started telling me a bit about her own drinking, and it went something like this:

"I have a few wines most nights, after a long and hard day at work, I think I really deserve it!
My girlfriends drink like me too, and we all have jobs, and some of them are mothers too, so I can't be alcoholic!
I drink, but I don't go out to clubs and things or drive, I just drink at home, get on the computer, ring my parents in England, and so it's quite okay.
When I have worries, I can't sleep at all, and I really need my sleep, but if I get drunk, it really helps me to sleep!"

All of those came out without anything from me, in fact when she said at one point that maybe she is alcoholic, I made a big effort to not comment, simply to suggest that she come to a meeting with me, to support me, and just to watch and listen.....i'm pretty sure she will identify.

I know this means the relationship will be hard and probably not work out, but that's okay, maybe God has put us in each other's paths for that one reason, so that she can learn about herself, and maybe find a path into AA.

Or not, I don't know, but I will take her to a meeting....she likes surprise dates, so the next one may be a bigger surprise than she thinks, lol!

texaa · Veteran Member

Ok, been to two meetings today, one in the morning, one tonight, going to another tomorrow at seven thirty am, then to a steps workshop, so that should all help..

Felt like drinking though today, around four pm, went for a walk with my dogs, and that seemed to make me feel better, then cooked a roast for dinner, and after that I felt like it was gone, but even after that, during the meeting, I was considering going to the pub after the meeting, drinking, smoking and playing poker machines, which most pubs here in Australia have, and where you can lose as much as you want to put in, but luckily, I didn't. A friend asked me to go to the early meeting tomorrow with him, and that gave me the desire to not drink, so I came home, time for sleep, going to ride my motorbike out there tomorrow, so looking forward to a nice AA morning.

The fellowship is something I love, knowing the people who walk in to the meeting, the friendship and acknowledgement and also the fact that they understand me, and i them, makes me feel part of something, rather than alone.

Ms London · Veteran Member

Sounds like you are doing the right things Paul. I'm glad you're starting to feel better.

texaa · Veteran Member

Thanks Ms London, I had heaps of trouble getting to sleep last night, didn't get to sleep till after 1am, and now here I am at 6am, awake, so a little tired, but that is okay, as long as I recognise the danger that poses in leading me toward drink.

I will go to the morning meeting now, then come home for a nap, and I sleep well if I have daytime naps..........I know that they do me the world of good when I am tired, and I never have a problem sleeping then, so I'll give the steps meeting later in the morning a miss, unless I feel really up to it...........AA is not good for me if it results in me being absolutely exhausted.

Proper rest is extremely important, so I probably shouldn't have had my one coffee for the day at the meeting last night.

Feeling good though this morning, despite tiredness, glad I didn't drink last night, and ever so grateful that I don't have the sick feeling of waking up with a dry throat, sore head, and vague memories of stupid things that I did.

This time right now, is what I must try to remember, to hold onto this feeling and know that this is what I want to feel like always.

It is easy to forget all the pain of drinking, and somehow my head reminds me only of that initial rush and taste of the first beer, and the first cigarette that usually goes with it, even though I know that it is only the first two or three that I can even remember, and that they lead me to doing stupid things, and to drinking too many for health and happiness, yet the cunning, baffling and powerful side of my ADDICTION TO ALCOHOL, for that is what it is.....addiction to a drug, that drug happening to be alcohol..........is that my brain wants me to drink.

My brain wants more alcohol, at a very deep and sub conscious level, so it finds all sorts of ways to trick me into thinking that I should have a drink, and once it's tricked me to have that first one, the battle is over.

Today, though, I am sober, grateful and hope to remain so.

Thanks for reading,

Paul

texaa · Veteran Member

hate myself....drank tonight, again.....went to two meetings yesterday, and two today and then went and drank....spent a shit load of money on credit card to gamble too....

I feel alone, and am scared to ask someone to sponsor me....the last three people I've asked have all said no, or "I'll be your friend"....no doubt I've just asked the wrong people, but it feels like the way I go with women.....the only ones i ever seem to like don't like me....."I like you as a friend" type of bullshit.

Feel hopeless.....I want to not drink, I prayed today, I tried, and I know I have to do something more than what I am doing, I need a sponsor, but I don't want to expect someone else to "get me sober", however I am prepared to ask for help, but how do I do that?

I seem so confident, and speak well at meetings, I admit I've been drinking, and sound like I am a together sort of a guy, but obviously there is part of me that is not, yet I don't know how to address that part of me, or to get help to look after that part of me....I don't want to annoy people, I don't want to burden them with me, yet I feel that I must ask someone to go out of their way to help me, and that ultimately this will result in them not liking me, and not wanting to help me anyway.

How many times can I get rejected and still keep asking for help?

I know I am in the poor me syndrome now, and I know it is not as bad as I make it sound, but that is part of the problem....when someone discusses reasonable things with me, I honestly do see their point straight away, and I say all the right things, so they think that I am doing really well, and then I feel as though I have bothered them by asking them for help in the first place.....fucked if I know.....

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 06:45, 2009-01-12

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hey Paul,

Most of us had tried a few times in AA to get sober before we "got it". I took me 2 years of steadily going to meetings to put alcohol down the last time. Have you tried going some beginners meetings? It would seem that there would be people at those meetings who where willing to sponsor new comers. Have you thought of going to inpatient or out patient treatment? You might want to cut up your credit cards for awhile, to help you manage your money and not have it so available. I walked around with no credit cards and a dollar or two in my pocket (or not) for like that first year, to keep from being tempted. Heck cell phones weren't very common when I got sober, I didn't have one. I needed just enough money to make a phone call if I felt like drinking and a dollar for a meeting. It's a humbling experience. Keep trying, today is a new day.

texaa · Veteran Member

Thanks buddy, yeah, that all is great advice....I feel a lot better.....done a little writing, especially about some resentments which were bothering me (I see now).

Good idea about the credit card thing....I will do that, I can easily get by without it.

Thanks for the comment, I do appreciate it a lot.

Helps me stay positive. Funny how quickly your head can change isn't it? From what I wrote before, to now feeling okay about it all. I have a meeting tomorrow night where I know there is a person who might sponsor me.

I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks.

Paul

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

texaa wrote:

Thanks buddy, yeah, that all is great advice....I feel a lot better.....done a little writing, especially about some resentments which were bothering me (I see now).

You're on the right track. If you look back, anger is probably the thing that most often makes us pick up the first drink. By the way, last night was a full moon. I noticed that my negative emotions get the best of me during the last few days of and on the full moon. I've been sober awhile and it still does. I got one of thes inexpensive clocks that shows the moon phase on the bottom, and when it's in the 4th quarter I kinda keep my head down for a few days till it passes. Reading step 10 (in the 12 & 12 book) a few times will help. I must have repeated the serenity prayer a thousand times in the first 90 days to keep from getting angry and drinking over it. It's our diseases greatest weapon over us. I posted some good articles about anger here a year or so ago, I'll go look for them, particulary the spiritual axiom in step 10.

here's the stuff that I posted about anger.

http://aa.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42735&p=3&topicID=14233950

http://aa.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42735&p=3&topicID=14234027

http://aa.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42735&p=3&topicID=13894750

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 07:27, 2009-01-12

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 07:34, 2009-01-12

texaa · Veteran Member

Thanks Dean, that is all great stuff, I just glanced through it, and have saved it....going to print it out and stick some of it around the house......thank you so much.

I used to be a secretary of an ABSI on Sunday mornings, and this topic was one which I embraced and agreed with totally, because I could see how it worked for me, but I seem to have somehow lost touch with that part of the program.

I'm going to some meetings today to look for a sponsor, but not going to get angry if I don't find one today.....I know that meeting I went to last night they offer temporary sponsorship, and there are two or three there who I could ask, who i think would do it......last night I was a bit mad and scared to ask, but at least if I don't find a sponsor before then, I can go there next Monday and get me one, with God's help.

thanks again.

Paul

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Look for meetings in Church basements. These are usually the older established meetings with Lots of old timers. A good place to look for sponsors.

texaa · Veteran Member

Funnily enough, that meeting last night was in a Church basement....

Luckily I "only" drank three beers last night, so this morning I don't feel too horribly physically ill, but I recognise that as luck, not a reason to drink, and I am grateful for it, and that I feel capable of, and happy to address the issue without beating myself up, like I was doing last night.....gotta be very careful though, with that......i can easily turn it into justification and an almost euphoric fantasy of "everything is wonderful, it wasn't that bad", which obviously will lead me back to another drink.....somewhere I don't want to go.

That sort of fantasy is just like the sort of fantasy I often had when drinking, where I would fantasize while drinking, of all of the things I was going to do, of all the mountains I would climb, women I would love, places I would go, jobs I would get, and how all of this achievement, excitement and adventure would make me happy.......of course very little, if any of it ever came to fruition.

texaa · Veteran Member

Well, day one is under my belt, no drinking....yay!

Went to a steps meeting tonight.......about five hundred metres down the road from my place and i hadn't been there before....it's on every Tuesday night at 6pm, so that's nice.

Good meeting....step three was the topic, and it was a great topic for me. I see how I had stopped praying quite a lot, and really need to work on that.

Just generally have been trying to let MY will be done, not THY will, so feeling quite good, and one day is fantastic.

My brother drank a bottle of red wine this evening, but he seems happy enough, and is leaving in a week, so it was nice for me to accept, love and cook him dinner, trying to let God's love shine on him too, regardless of how annoying he is when a little drunk......I know I have often been a lot more annoying than that to others when I have been drunk, so I forgive him, and tried to be as nice as I could, while still not allowing him to invade my boundaries too much....it's hard with family....all those old behavioural patterns just crop up and most of the time I am not even aware of them.

Feeling positive today, and really looking forward to doing some twelve by twelve step three reading before sleep now....

Thanks for support and enjoying this little place where I can express myself, regardless of whether anyone reads it.

I like the thought that anger is bad, whether expressed or suppressed....that thing you sent was great, Dean.

You can't "get it out" by venting, because you have suffered just by being angry in the first place, and it is still there, even after you have expressed it....it doesn't just to away.

So much nicer to focus on choosing to not be angry...not as easy as it is to just react without thought, but when I do I know I feel a lot better.

Thanks.

Paul

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 15:30, 2009-01-13

texaa · Veteran Member

okay, midway through day two....

All is well, went to a meeting at lunchtime which was great. My brother was drinking wine yesterday, he's on beer today, but I am making a huge effort, and actually feeling like it is working, to practice serenity, surrender, and acceptance, allowing God to sort it out, and knowing that I can't, which makes me feel very grateful and calm, so just for the next hour, I won't drink.......I'll post before bed, hopefully with good news of no drinks for me.

texaa · Veteran Member

Went to another meeting this evening, an ABSI, and have felt quite calm, loving and accepting towards myself and others, and allowing God to do what he will.

I was about in this sort of place about six weeks ago, before I picked up, and I honestly feel very much like I am seeing where I was going wrong, and not feeling like I need to beat myself up, nor do I need to rush out and try to "fix" myself overnight, but i do need to work on a lot of spiritual areas, just practicing prayer every morning and night, and I've made signs and put them around the house, and they make a big difference, just to keep reminding me to focus on the positives and let go of the negatives.

Bit of study now, then off to work for an exam in the morning......it's all good.....(for now).

Paul

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Texaa, and anyone else wondering.

I didn't edit your post, I just hit the edit button by mistake and it tagged it as edited. confuse

On my screen the edit button is where the quote button should be. I thought that I was hitting quote. This has happened a couple of times previously.

Dean

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Oh My_____ St. P.D.!!! I guess that makes you human.

(((Hugs)))

~~~~~~~~~

Paul, I've been praying for you everyday. Hang in there

(((Hugs)))

texaa · Veteran Member

Thanks Jane, it seems to be working.....did good today, got 95% in my exam, and some classroom study tomorrow.....the teacher told us there is no pre reading to do, otherwise we'll just confuse ourselves, so I am very aware that these sort of conditions......good mark plus no study now to do, could very easily be used as an excuse for "a few drinks", and being aware of that possibility even yesterday, have come to a decision "just for today", to not drink.....after study tomorrow is the weekend, so I'll be vigilant, and can't say what will occur, but for today I am sober and very happy.

No worries, st P D, I could'nt see anything was changed in the post, so I just ignored what it said, and even if the whole post was deleted, I don't suppose the world would have moved, and I would have been okay with it too, but nice to know why it said "edited"....thanks.

Very hot here in Sydney today.....up to 42 degrees celsius inland, and 34 in Sydney city areas, so pretty warm....rode my motorbike to work, which is fun, and now about to turn on the air con, though it's going to cool down a little soon they say.

Hope all are well, thanks for the support and just for reading what I have to say.

Paul

-- Edited by texaa at 06:18, 2009-01-15

texaa · Veteran Member

About to go to sleep.....three days down.

Nice and tired and relaxed so should sleep well.

Just wanted to write on here, to make a little effort to consider gratitude for life. The simple thing of my heart beating for another day is enough to be grateful for, because without alcohol, I find many other things that come in and out of my life, and they can do just that, without me needing to control or hold onto them, nor do I have to fight, reject or push them away.

I suppose that is people I am talking about, and it's good to let them go, without resentment. That is just life and it is all beautiful.

Ahhhh, time for sleep........................

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Sleep Well!! And congradulations on another day sober!!!

Hang in There!

texaa · Veteran Member

Thanks Jane.

End of day four now...

Went to work, home by two pm....brother drinking red wine when I got home. I tried to relax in a lounge chair, but he kept walking past, fiddling and farting....inside, outside for a smoke...fidgeting around in the kitchen. I fell asleep in the chair to be woken by his loud footsteps on the floorboards as he walked past, so I got up out of the chair and took my dogs to the off leash area....sat in the shade, threw sticks for the dogs, lay on the grass and felt the beauty of nature...rang another alcoholic and talked, and on the way home bought a paper for my brother.....I thought he must have wanted it to read, but no, he wanted it to pack some things with, so then it was the sound of an drunk person ripping and screwing up paper to pack fragile items in a box.

I didn't drink though, and was even nice to him.....not much point in trying to talk when they are in that drunken state, but it was hard when he kept wanting to talk and to rave on about absolutely nothing or to repeat himself, so I had to just walk away, or go into my room and shut the door.

He was on his second bottle of wine by the time I left to go to a meeting at 6pm, and by the time I got home after ten pm, he was on the last of six beers, and had a glazed look in his eyes....still playing stupid online computer games though!!

Anyway, enough of that.....the meeting was fantastic, it was someone's sixteenth birthday, so there was cake and fellowship after the meeting, and then about ten of us went for pizza after, which made me feel part of a little community which was nice.

I wanted to just write on here about my little day, and to recognise how I must have been like my brother so many times when around people in the past, and not ever fully acknowledged how terrible that must have been for them.

Sheeeit, I was like that at least once a week when my wife got home from work (my work has irregular hours, so if I was home during the week I often would drink), and now I know what she means by the glazed eyes, and the fact that it is not the person you know and love any more....that makes me feel a little sad.

Just for today though, it is all okay, and I am glad to be four days sober.

Paul

texaa · Veteran Member

Well, that's the seventh day of sobriety, so that's nice.

Starting to feel good, must be time for a meeting.

Had work today, went for a walk with the dogs after work, met a nice guy who was walking his dog and chatted, came home, did some study, and now going to bed.

Had a girl friend over last night, she doesn't drink, so that was nice...cooked her thai green chicken curry and lemon delicious pudding, then we played trivial pursuit, so it was cool.

She didn't go home till late, so I am knackered today....good, that means I'll sleep well, and then tomorrow, an exam and come home to some more study.

Brother moves out on Thursday, and he's stopped playing world of warcraft online, and has now got three days off the grog, so he's making an effort.

That's it....life's good, and got a little meeting tomorrow about five minutes walk from my place at six in the evening, which will be good.

ahhh, time for sleep.

Paul

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Good Night your time and Good Morning my time.

Thanks for letting us know how you're doing!

Keep it Simple and have a good day!!

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

hey Paul, I really enjoyed riding my motorcycle to meetings (still do

) It made it extra special coming and going.

texaa · Veteran Member

Thanks guys, well, did good at work.....100 percent in the exam I did....I guarantee if I'd have drunk the night before, I may have passed but I wouldn't have got 100 percent because I wouldn't have bothered going back over my answers before I handed it in and would have therefore missed the three simple errors which I picked up.

It's hot here today...about 36 degrees celsius right now, and the meeting's in an hour and looking forward to that.

Also have an aa buddy who rang and asked if I want to come over for dinner to meet his son who does the same work as me and wants a job like mine, so I'm going to talk go over there after the meeting.

If I'd have been drinking, I wouldn't have been able to do that, nor wanted to.

Just went for a bicycle ride in the heat, because I know how much better I feel when I do exercise, and also I've started to just put a tiny bit of weight back on....about 3 kilograms (6.6 pounds), and though I've never been fat, I never want to be either, and I know that with a little exercise and good eating habits, the weight falls off me.

And then, with a healthy, trim body, I feel better, look better, and am able to do more without getting tired....I also sleep better.

It's going well, looking forward to the meeting.

Two wheeled recovery is great alright Dean. I love it...it enables me to zip to lots of different meetings in the Sydney area, and I love to go to different meetings....gives me different perspectives on recovery and also allows me to see and discover the sort of people who's recovery I like and want some of.

I tend to like the calmer, less evangelical types....usually older men with fifteen to forty years up, but some that have that calmness are only three or four years sober.....that is what I judge....the way they act, not their sober time, though it's not to be scoffed at.

I ride my bike to work too, so it always makes it something to look forward to after a day at the office....especially when the traffic is bad, because it is never quite as bad when you are on the bike, and I know some non-traffic light routes home, which are fun on the bike.

Off to meeting, it's good to have this place to write....I was feeling like I could sneak home and have a drink today, which I have to acknowledge somewhere, not just to myself, that is why I wrote that stuff above about the joy of being available for life when you are not drunk.

In my marriage which ended in sobriety last year, I know that there were a few times when I was drunk, and my wife rang to ask me to do something important (like pick up her son from school when he was sick), and I wasn't able to do the requested thing, and it's important for me to remind myself of that, because I want to be there for people and for future relationships, not sitting in my little alcoholic world, alone, and disconnected.

texaa · Veteran Member

Sobriety, day 9. All well, hot again, brother is packed, leaving tomorrow, worked this morning, and again early tomorrow morning. Got to focus on the study and how much better it is to actually do some and then do okay at work, rather than just "wing it" with little study and drinking.

I've done some study for tomorrow's training session, and can see how much I have picked up in that short time already.

I woke up this morning at four thirty am, and eventually got up and walked the dogs...I had to get up at six thirty anyway, so I just stayed awake, so I was a bit tired at work, but I was home by one thirty pm, had a nap, then felt better.

Imagine how much worse I'd have felt had I been tired and hungover, or still drunk from the night before.

Hopefully tonight I'll sleep better, but at least I won't be hungover, and I finish early, so if need be I can come home and have another nap.

Thinking about drinking occasionally, but talking about it, thinking of all the reasons why not to do it, like how I feel in the morning, how I end up gambling money off my credit card and end up in debt, how I end up going to bed with a full of beer type feeling, and have that bile in the back of my throat that makes me feel ill and sometimes vomit when I lie down, and how I smoke cigarettes and often have a sore and dry tongue, mouth and throat, due to both the alcohol and the cigarettes.

Don't want to get mouth or throat cancer and the alcohol is a factor by itself, and I'm sure it is exacerbated with cigarettes.

Everything is how it's supposed to be, all is well, and I am taking my brother to a Thai restaurant around the corner for dinner tonight before he heads back to Melbourne tomorrow.

He's got about five days up, has a job interview on Monday in Melbourne, and hopefully will do okay, but it is nice to be able to take him out for dinner before he goes, especially when he hasn't been drinking for a few days.

Just breathed a deep sigh......writing this stuff down seems to release me from some form of stress, and I feel a lot more relaxed having written on here.

Paul.

texaa · Veteran Member

Day eleven is over, just.

Felt like drinking last night...Friday night, have a long weekend ahead of me, with Monday being a public holiday. Have a lot of study to do, but my brain was telling me that a drink would be okay, however somehow between my higher power and myself I didn't drink.

Had someone to make a phone call to at seven pm, and that was someone God put there I think, in order that I didn't drink, and as each little thing I needed to do got done, it enabled me to not drink.

First I took the dogs for a walk, then I rang this person, and then I made dinner, after which I felt a lot less like drinking. Finally did some study, and then was quite glad of the ability to be sober and get some study done, and also to be able to wake up today and do some more.....it's nearly four am, so should be asleep and I'll go back to sleep shortly, but very glad now that I didn't drink.

Got a meeting at nine am, and then another one in the afternoon, so that should see me through Saturday.

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Sounds like you're doing pretty well!!! Thank you for sharing how you are and we're pulling and praying for you!!!

texaa · Veteran Member

thanks Jane, yeah, it's a nice day now, going to be hot though...going to ride my bicycle to the morning meeting, so that will make me feel good.

texaa · Veteran Member

Day 12, another hot one....but not feeling like drinking. Been studying and had enough.....feeling lonely and tired, not too hungry and angry yet, but the warning signs are there, so time for a break and take the dogs for a walk.

Supposed to get cooler her later, so I'll just start making some dinner, and then it may be cool enough to go outside.

Might watch a dvd ....David Attenborough....Life of Birds....which I have here, after dinner, and there is a meeting on at 8, or maybe one in morning at ten am.

Study is relentless..the more I learn the more there seems to be that I don't know...it may have been a factor in my initial drinking in the latter years of high school and then university.....interesting to see now how I can allow myself to feel overwhelmed, then procrastinate, fiddle, fart and not get much done, which then makes the feeling worse.

Trying hard to at least get some done, to have a system of study organised. I don't have to get it all done tonight, I just have to get a bit done and then I will be okay, I can do more tomorrow. If I drink, then I won't get any done, and tomorrow I won't be able to either.

It's all good.

paul