He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p.152
Only an alcoholic can understand the exact meaning of a statement like this one. The double standard that held me captive as an active alcoholic also filled me with terror and confusion: If I dont get a drink Im going to die, competed with If I continue drinking its going to kill me. Both compulsive thoughts pushed me ever closer to the bottom. That bottom produced a total acceptance of my alcoholism - with no reservations whatsoever - and one that was absolutely essential for my recovery. It was a dilemma unlike anything I had ever faced, but as I found out later on, a necessary one if I was to succeed in this program.
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
Because of the latter part of my drinking, I can so relate to this reading. I wanted to quit so badly, but I couldn't let go. I did, get to that jumping off place and prayed to die. But, instead of getting death, I recieved a moment of clarity that lead me to A.A. and a "new" life.
It was in these rooms that I found I was not unique. Others had behaved, thought and felt like I did. I was not judge, I was understood.
