Was out with family and met up with some old acquaintances. Talked briefly and felt panic. Not sure why, but must be about just having to review one more time with someone who knew a little about how horrible our past month has been.
I wanted a drink. I thought if I had a drink, I wouldn't be feeling this nervousness. I had a hard time concentrating... But I just kind of let it go, talked with fam. member and ordered lemonade. It was delicious.
The anxiety subsided and eating a good dinner and having some conversation with fam...Well, I am ok. I feel pretty good in fact now.
At the time I thought a lot of panicky things. It was crazy. I havent' had a moment like that in a very very long time.
I wasn't going to share this but thought it would be a good idea to share with you this.
That's typical stuff in early sobriety. I'd say a several time a week occurrence in first 90 days. Going to meetings often, will take the edge off and inspire confidence. You're fighting forces that you don't really understand. Drinking is a tough habit to break, and in order to do, one must make of habit of sobriety, which has a lot of elements to it. A person must make a pretty profound change all the way around or, as we say, "the same man will drink again".
I think what Dean said is fantastic. "Fighting forces you don't understand". That makes more sense to me than anything I have read in a long time, and I needed to read it tonight.
I think change brings about anxiety in us. So what bigger change is there, than NOT drinking? When we keep doing something different (not picking up the drink) for long enough, it becomes more natural and less nerve-wracking.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Connecting with other newcomers helps too. I'd had periods of sobriety (or rather dryness) without AA where I did not get so anxious, but something about truly committing to sobriety, going to AA, and knowing that drinking is really not an option makes you feel more anxious I think because the option of drinking is less there. Not to mention it's been a way of coping for so long, brain chemistry is jacked up, and you've just hit a bottom that made you really question yourself already...Sheesh. That's when the day at a time, this too shall pass, and keep it simple stuff needs to come in. Sounds like you did a good job riding it out. Much better than I was doing early on.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Didn't want to write about it yesterday, but felt anxious yesterday before church. I went, and even socialized. Still having to talk about the sad month and all of the tragic events was making me tearful...But I stayed with it. And at my church, the elders are incredible. I really felt ok, and really good with them.
Well, the day is nearly over and I had no panic feelings today. This is only the close of day 5 for me. So, it is not that big of a deal. But it is probably something I should be somewhat glad of. i feel very good and think I probably dropped a pound or so. I told daughter if I stopped drinking for 2 weeks I bet I will drop about 6lbs. Maybe we shall find out! : )
