I have tried the list ideas and it really is something I would work on for a long time. I think it is important to write things down and get organised. I have been so disorganised and such a procrastinator for so long that I have to retrain myself to get busy and not just sit and wallow in self pity.
Last night I did keep busy I went and got some things on my list so that I could make them and hubby was back before I could even eat dinner, that was the point right? Oh and I never had a drink, I thought about it and remembered the old feelings and I just tried to block them out and think of the new improved me and how I am going to stay focused by letting go and letting god. I am not my husbands keeper and he will make his own decisions no matter what I do or say to him.
I am very eager to stick to this and I am grateful for your support and ideas. I still have to find a Face to face meeting time that I can attend in my area but there is nothing in the daytime. I am feeling a bit apprehensive about letting my husband in on my decision to stop drinking. I am just worried that failure will make him respect me even less. I want to stop drinking for good but I am still a bit nervous of some situations where I used to really enjoy relaxing with a few beers like Saturday afternoon barbecues or Christmas lunch. I am trying to stay with today only but I cant help anticipating this to some degree. Do you think I have to tell him. I think he knows anyway but he has not asked me so it is unspoken right now. Maybe he is jsut giving me the space I need to work it out first.
Sounds like your doing pretty well today. Don't worry about Saturday afternoon barbecues or Christmas lunch. You said it, one day at a time, One hour at a time if needed. You know I was told if you have a bad day or things get out of wack you can start your day over anytime. You said, I am very eager to stick to this and I am grateful for your support and ideas. A grateful recovering acoholic dosen't drink. Imagine that!!! Always try to stay grateful.
Glad things are going well Suzi, and you are making changes to feel better about yourself..*big thumbs up*
One of the healing things that happens in a face to face meeting, is the opportunity to admit we have a problem in a safe place. I understand that it is probably a bit daunting, but I can also say that it was a really freeing experience for me; the first time I stood up and admitted I was an alcoholic. That didn't happen at the first meeting though, actually it was quite a long time before I was actually able to do that. Just being with others though, and being shown simple acceptance and coming to that place where I shed "the ol guy and his paper bag" image from my head, helped me enormously.
Personally, I'd suggest revealing this to another alkie before I'd tackle family...but that could just be me. (and my family )
I still have a lot of opposition from my family. It is hard for them digest, I guess. They don't want to think there is something 'wrong' with me - and that's how they see alcoholism. (Sometimes, I think it would be easier to tell them I have cancer or MS or similar - they could accept that..) So I share my recovery with them instead, by sharing the changes in me, more so than by arguing my understanding or revealing what I am and how I did stuff. It was much easier just to move into today and start making the necessary changes and amends that the steps provide.
I am a supporter of open relationships though. And can say quite honestly, that I have heard people both in meetings and in one on one convos struggling alone with relationship problems, and I often sit there thinking...Could you be talking to the wrong person about this? Sometimes we can say the same things to 15 people and finally realise we've just been talking about the problem, and really need to speak with our partner to really resolve whatever it is. If it's a relationship issue, I mean. That doesn't mean the 15 people didn't help, it just means we eventually get there, when the time is right, but the person involved IS the one who needs to hear it.
I hope that makes some sense. I am having trouble keeping my eyes open tonight. It has been a huge day. I could still be buggered from all those extras yesterday, maybe? lol..flopped in a chair last night and thought Bugger...I never made the cheesecake!!
Keep up the good work Suzi. I think you are doing great.
hello and welcome. been catching up on my reading of the board, which was not easy with all of these topics this week. i am glad that you are here. i have noticed that, though it is importiant to see your part in things, that you don't have to beat yourself up. in early sobriety all you need to do is not take that first drink and work on the first three steps. the steps are in order for a reason. there is no sense in trying to get it all in one bite. just don't drink and take the suggestions that the others have given and relax for now. there will be plenty of time later to figure out things. just to let you know that for now make it as simple as possible.
Balance, timing.... so hard to figure out sometimes.... first things first...
Well, whether or not you tell your husband at this point depends on his character and per4sonality and how yours and his get along,,,, and we can't know that from here, so can't give you advice on that. Not waiting too long, and not jumping the gun on things,,,, hard to know and we can't tell you. I will say that, I think that, it is not all or nothing... it is not that you have to tell anybody either everything or nothing. I tell people that they are all on 'a need to know basis'. I noticed that your husband is putting you in some situations where there is drinking usually,,, but now,, if he doesn't know that you want to stop drinking, then perhaps knowing a little of what you are trying to do would help him to know how to support you better. I do understand what you mean about being embarrassed to announce some big goal and then being afraid of failure. but the 12 Step goals are not so big... sometimes it is a little baby Step.... I don't want to drink right now,,, not today,,, and maybe you could share just that. Have you started on the Steps yet? did you come to our meeting last night? That would be a good Step to take, whether it is at a face2face meeting or here on our Step Work board.
Easy does it, a day at a time.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I hope yoou're feeling better today. I read your post and thought I'd tell you about my first few meetings.
I knew I needed to try something, I just didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure I belonged in AA. I had been to some open meetings with the man I loved, but never really heard what was being said, it just didn't apply to me. When my life started to self destruct, I remembered the women I had met at those meetings and I wanted to talk to them, see what it was that made them different from me. I wanted to call but didn't know how. By this time I was to afraid to answer the phone, leave my house,do anything that might require me to come into contact with someone else. I was hiding everything that was going on in my life from everyone, or so I thought.
When I finally got into my car and drove to a meeting, I felt I was going to be ok. Until i drove into theh parking lot and saw a bunch of people standing outside waiting for a meeting to start. I flipped my car around and drove home, stopping at the liqour store on the way. I must have done this for about a week, every day. I just couldn't walk into that room.
One day I drove into the parking lot andn didn't see anyone. I thought maybe there wasn't a meeting that day, maybe I had gotten the time wrong or something. Since I didn't have to face anyone, I got out of the car and stuck my head inside. Still didn't see anyone, so I wentn up the stairs. There was a meeting that day, I had gotten the time wrong. It was already going on, so I thought I would sit down and listen. I just didn't want to talk to anyone. I left that meeting as soon as the prayer ended, and didi that for another week or so. Never spoke to a single person, sat by myself, zoomed out as soon as I could,drank as soon as I got home.
One day I went to a meeting, as usual, snuck in, and my chair was occupied. All the chairs close to the exit were occupied. A woman waved me over to an empty chair next to her, so I sat there. I didn't want to, but would have been to embarrassed to leave. So I sat, listened to the meeting, after the ending prayer thisi lady wouldn't let go of my hand. Sheh just looked at me and said...You know, you don't have to drink between meetings if you don't want to. I'm so glad you're finally here. The next day I went to a meeting and finally said I'm Cheri and I'm an alcoholic. Then i started crying and some women took me out and talked to me and I started my journey into recovery.
It took me a long time to know what I needed, and even when I knew what I needed, it took me a long time to be able to accept the help that people wanted to give. I hope you find your meeting soon and I hope that there's a woman there for you that can touch your heart as mine was touched. It was so much easier after I knew I wasn't alone. I know it's scary being sober and not sure what to do next. That's what the meetings and a sponser are for.
Dealing with my husband, my family and my friends has been easier when I run my thoughts by someone else before I do whatever it is I think I need to do. After all this time, I still call my sponser before I jump into one of my brillant ideas. That's what she's there for, she tells me.
My prayer today will be for you to find what you're looking for,
I was jsut crying crocodile tears. It was so comforting to hear you saying how apprehensive you were and how long it took you before you could take those big steps. I am far from that too. Last night I had too many whiskeys again. My husband had to stay late to catch up with work and I was thinking of cooking dinner but I decided to have a drink and that was it for me. I felt bad this morning, I mean sick and it took me ages to wake up and then remembered I had a meeting which i really didn't feel like so I suffered the day through. I dont want to drink tonight. I was thinking that well I cannot do this I simply havent got what it takes and then you guys reminded me that I have that choice everyday , so I will not today. I really think it would be better to jsut keep this between me and the Miracles in Progress group members for now because you all ar ethe only ones I Know who really can understand , this is very hard.
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