Stuffing Feelings

nique · Senior Member

Stuffing Feelings

Ms London · Veteran Member

Allison, please take care of yourself. Do you have friends or family nearby you can be with right now? I'm sending lots of love and support your way.

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Hugs and Prayers Allison

-- Please, call someone.

Quetzal · MIP Old Timer

Hi Allison,

Can you call a friend or family member? Can you call someone in the fellowship? I don't think that you should be on your own right now.

Stay on-line here if you want, but please try to speak to someone.

Allison, please know that you have my love and support. Prayers are going up for you, hun. You're not on your own.

Just hang in there.

(((Hugs)))

Carol

tlcate · Senior Member

First off, you are not unlovable. You do need to love yourself tho.

Working the program, getting sober, and taking a good look at yourself - including these feelings - where they come from - and accepting them and yourself is all part of the process of healing. I won't lie, it isn't easy, but the results are worth it.

We love you and pray for you. Please reach out for help today. Let the hand of AA be there for you. There is help out there and sometimes asking for it is the hardest part.

Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.

tlc

lani · MIP Old Timer

Hi Allison
You know there are alot of people in AA you can call and they will be with you no matter what...
It was by staying sober, working the steps and peeling away at the onion of pain, shame, sadness, self loathing that I finally stayed sober and free! We, you, cannot do it alone....
Give the program a chance..do what is told to do and by sharing these feelings with another person, you will slowly feel the pain wash away...We cant do it for you but we are here for you if you need it! Get honest, get help!! Feel the joy that life has to offer without hurting yourself!

cheri · Senior Member

Live each day as if you are truly and deeply loved...because you are!!
Call someone close by,please.

Love,cheri

Tipsy McStagger · Senior Member

Allison, while it may seem strange, and even unbelievable, the people here do love you. We love you because we share a special bond, because we fight the same battle, we fail and succeed and laugh and cry together because we understand each other. I've had the good fortune to travel a lot and it didn't matter if I walked into an AA meeting halfway around the world or one in my own backyard, the sincerity of the love, kindness and understanding I felt was always humbling and amazing. I can be pretty damn unlovable sometimes myself but the people of AA and the people on this forum have never turned their back on me and they're the reason I keep coming back no matter how many times I stumble. They're that little glimmer of hope that keeps burning inside me even when I'm at my worst.

You sound like you need to talk someone in person. Look up the number for AA in your area and call them.

-- Edited by Tipsy McStagger at 19:17, 2008-12-30

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

The initial feelings of sobriety are so uncomfortable. I remember one night in the first 20 days or so (which is not that long ago since I'm only on day 91) I actually did feel like hurting myself because I felt so much hatred for myself and I knew I couldn't drink it or pill it away or I would feel even worse, as the only love and support I was getting was coming from AA and I knew I would feel even crappier relapsing. The good news is that the feeling went away pretty fast and it happened through going to so many meetings that the hope of others lifted me up. I went to up to 4 meetings a day at the very start and I cried at all of them. If you seriously feel you are going to hurt yourself, you need to call an ambulance and go to the hospital. I wouldn't feel any shame about it considering a gazillion people in AA have hit bottom in detox, rehabs, and hospitals so it might be a good place. I crashed my car drunk after cheating on my partner of 6 years, getting caught, and then wound up walking out of my house with just 2 grocery bags of stuff. There comes a point where things can only just get better. So PLEASE choose to make this that point and get help whether it means going to 5 meetings a day so you wont be alone much or if you need it go to a halfway house. I had thought a halfway house was the worst thing ever, but now like 10 of my good friends live in them and they are pretty swanky lol. Plus it allows them to just focus on sobriety with people around all the time as a safety net. I respect them for having the courage to take care of themselves and go. My heart goes out to you, but you will get through this. Just trust in all of us who have responded to you. This too shall pass. Call the AA hotline...I did it 2 times bawling and crying before I mustered up the courage to go to an actual in person meeting.

jonijoni1 · MIP Old Timer

Nique, hope you don't mind my saying this, but it sounds like you may need some outside help as well as staying sober. The Big Book encourages us to get the help outside the rooms that is there, for problems such as what you are mentioning. I have had to get outside help myself, to help me be FIT to get what I needed from the program of AA. Some of us are sicker than others.

Years ago, I sponsored a very thin young girl in AA, and she divludged to me over a short time that she was anorexic and bulemic. She was getting more and more malnourished as time went on, and I had to lovingly encourage her to get outside help, because by trying to use AA to treat her illness, it could have killed her. I did not see her for several years after she began seeing a therapist that specialized in her problem (as she kind of "disappeared" from my life of her own volition), but I did see her some time after that and she was looking well and healthy.

If we have other deep illnesses that do not pertain to addiction or alcoholism, we need to get professional help. I hope you seek the help that you need, and I will be thinking of you. People in AA know how to get sober. Most of us do NOT know how to stop anorexia, or cutting, or a myriad of other issues. That is what the professionals are there for.

Take care, and know that you are loved.

nique · Senior Member

Thank you all for your support and good words. Sadly I did end up geting drunk yesterday and I started cutting. I was in a black out and dont remember much but I must of told someone what I had done because the paramedics and police ended up in my living room.
Anyway, I woke up today and made a dicission to stay sober today. My hubby took me to a f2f AA meeting. I bawled like a baby the whole meeting. There was a lady sitting next to me and she held me and told me to keep crying and let it out. She was so warm and comforting. After the meeting I asked her how long she had been sober and she said just 22 days! It is awsome that a newcomer can help an even newer comer!
I resolved today to make a 90 in 90 all f2f. And get a sponsor and start steps. Hopefully you will not see any more crazy messages from me here any more.
I love you all very much!
Allison

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Glad you were able to make a meeting and have a new attitude.

Getting to a meeting everyday, getting a sponsor, and working the Steps is "How It Works". But, remember it's "One Day at A Time". I know some people with long and great soberity and they say they still do it that way. (One day at A Time).

A friend of mine always ask people who have relapse, and get to make it back, if they ask their Higher Power to help keep them sober that day. The answer, so far, has always been no. I've learned from others---first thing in the morning I thank my Higher Power for the sober day I had the day before and ask His help in keeping me sober that day. (I have to do the foot work)

Glad you're alright and I'll keep praying for you. (((Hugs)))

Doll · MIP Old Timer

The BB clearly tells us the bottle is but a symptom of what really ails us.

If things have gone that far, I'd highly suggest rehab. It certainly can't hurt.

Hang in there and best of luck.

((hugs))

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

You didn't share craziness...it was feelings even though they were intense. Don't feel ashamed to share them...though when they do get that intense, it seems most helpful to go to people that are available face to face or via phone like a sponsor and those F2F meetings. I'm new to this board, but I generally think I'd like to hear your honest feelings, as the 1st step and the program is based on honesty. You are not crazy...most of us have probably been where you are...if not, somebody has. Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that life had become unmanageable. Your posts indicate that you ARE recognizing this, and while it sucks and feels horrible, that is likely right where you are supposed to be and you are doing much better than you think you are. Unmanageable sucks, but if you didn't go through this, your program would not be as strong as I pray and hope it will become.

-- Edited by pinkchip at 11:47, 2009-01-01

-- Edited by pinkchip at 11:53, 2009-01-01

Ms London · Veteran Member

Allison, I'm glad you came back here to let us know you're okay. Take care of yourself and keep talking. Like pinkchip said, I'm new to the boards, but you have lots of support here.

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Allison, well done for your courage in reaching out & being truly honest here with how you're feeling & what's going on with you. This is your reality & the facts of how things are right now & have been for a very long time. Sometimes our rock bottoms drag & sneak up to us & we can stop & say 'Enough' at any time. You've done this here Today & you no longer have to carry on suffering on your own. Well done in making that decision.

You may not realise it but you've begun the steps already. Your 1, 2 & 3. Get the literature & begin your study & journey in earnest. You are truly worth it though maybe you don't feel that way right now. Our Fellowship will love you until you learn to love yourself & You will be supported in getting whatever help outside of the steps you need. Thanks for being such an important part of MIP. You are wanted, needed & loved here & I hope you enjoy many more gifts like this in your new adventure of Sobriety. You Can Do This 1Day@aTime .

I'm with you too in hope & in spirit, Danielle x