15 months today! Seems like I spent the first 12 figureing out what's 'wrong' and the last 3 trying to work on the solution. Not been easy. I think the first yr was definately a walk in the park compared to what's ahead.....
Been dating some. Not into it! I seem to compare everyone to my John, guess that means I'm not over him yet and to make matters worse (or better?) he went with me to the AA Christmas dinner. HUGE step for him, though. I think, deep down, he loves me and has realized it since we've been apart. I'm just taking it one day at a time and doing my best to have no expectations. Although he did mention to me if I dated others he didn't want to know about it, my response, "tough, you don't get off that easy this time." I think (most times) I'm becoming comfortable in my own skin, then of course the alcoholic thinking raises it's nasty little head and I'm back to square one, but only for short periods these days (progess not perfection I suppose).
I have made huge progess with my son, though. "No" has become a complete sentence and I no longer find the need to explain why, nor do I feel ( near as much) guilt. He's made his choices, all I can do is pray and be here sober should he decide to clean up. He called last night, said he wanted to come for Christmas, would I cook his favorites. I had reservations but said yes, followed by 'you can't stay here'. I don't trust him and for good reason. I continue to pray that the light will come on soon. He's facing 20 yrs in prison and maybe it's just because he's my child, but I don't feel that's what he needs. Again, it's about me - I want him to grow up and be a productive member of society, meet a nice girl and give me grandchildren some day! The family I have longed for and missed on all my life.
But, I have MUCH to be grateful for today. I'm sober for one! I have a great sponsor and wonderful friends. My bills are paid, my home is warm and there's food in the fridge. My health seems to have improved somewhat. I suppose the Prozac is working! Although, I worry how long will I need to be on it! See the doc in January and will discuss long term & prognosis then.
Looking forward to Christmas, I work till noon then off till the 6th! I'm sooo looking forward to that. Vacation is long overdue. I plan to do a bit of house cleaning, cleaning out closets, etc., spending time with my sponsor and just enjoying being free for a while, no alarm clock!
I pray you all have a wonderful holiday and blessed, sober 2009.
Thanks for being here and for letting me share.
Love and hugs
Jen
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Yea on 15 months!!!! What a great milestone to hit! You have worked hard and are truly reaping the benefits!!! Proud of you girl!!! Prayers up to your son and I hope xmas goes well. Just stick to your guns and most importantly, as with "my John"...have no expectations!!!! Have a blessed Christmas!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
Jen, Congrats on 15 months!!! thanks for the good share, hope you have a nice Christmas with you son, and that your dreams come true for him settling down and that you have plenty of grandchildren. All the best with the dating or whatever the outcome is with John.
As for the prozac, i took adivan the first year of my soberity and that helped alot, i am off it now, but when i needed it, it helped me. I'm not your doctor, but you can decide how long it may be necessary. I got off the adivan when I knew I could go it on my own, with my Higher Power, but everyone is different.
Merry Christmas and love your time off from work. Deb
Jen, so happy you have made it through yet another milestone. Matter of fact, there have been MANY personal milestones for you this past 15 months, and you should be proud of every one you have walked through. You sound confident and in a good place right now.
And if the Prozac is working, stay on it! LOL I am so happy that I sought outside help a few weeks ago, I am realizing that it was not a moment too soon, and I am glad to be getting all that I need today, not only from God, AA and my sponsor, but from medical science as well! For some of us, it takes what it takes, right?
I am really proud of how far you have come with your relationship issues with "Your John". Sounds like you are on good footing with that as well, and you are exercising great boundaries. Kudos!!
Enjoy the time off, and I promise to do that same!!! Have a wonderful Holiday, and again, congrats!!
Joni
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Doll, sounds like he wants what he can't have (typical), so tell him that you're deeply "in Like with him", but that his fickle nature has made it impossible for you to love him. see what happens.
As for the prozac, i took adivan the first year of my soberity
The prozac was prescribed by my pain mgment doctor. The condition I have does not respond to pain killers (blessing!) so trying to 'trick' my brain into 'thinking' my chronic pain is not so chronic anymore. Seems to be working along with the steroid injections... Maybe this doc finally is on to something.
(((hugs)))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
