I was riding high after coming home from a business meeting yesterday. Then I turned on the news and found out that a teacher friend had been killed by a school bus while crossing the street on the way to school. She was a really sweet woman and helped a lot of people (she was an ESL teacher).
Anyway, as I was digesting the news I started to notice how I was viewing it from a "me" perspective. My friend .. pity me.. life is too short .. this isn't fair ..is that all there is? (thank you Peggy Lee) ..and all those accompanying thoughts of the ego and false self. Anyway, it was sort of weird. I've been through quite a few deaths of friends, family and acquaintances in sobriety but I never realized this clearly the self-centered way of viewing things. Or maybe I saw another level of self-centeredness which I hadn't before.
Then I felt overwhelmed by compassion as I considered all the suffering going on throughout the would. Then all the suffering that people and all creatures have ever gone through. It wasn't "poor me" sadness, it was a really deep sense of compassion and it was rather humbling.
I think if I was still drinking the thoughts would have ended with "life's so unfair, I'm so sad, I might as well get good and drunk" .. as if my getting drunk was some form of homage to this persons life. What sick thinking.
Amazing-- do the right thing-- send flowers, a card, etc--DON'T DRINK
Yesterday A friend spoke of losing his best friend. He couldn't stand it. (pour me !! another)
He got DRUNK, also got a felony DWI. Now drinking really helps, dosen't it???? I guess it's nice to think, without the fog. It's sad but I need to hear these things. We must be rid of self, or die!!!
Sometimes I really have to think the drink thru.
Funny how the same things come up. What's next? Only god knows??
Sounds like you've made a great step in recovery in realizing how self-ish we tend to be. Loving ourselves and being selfish are different things,, when we consider what love really is. It's a big step to have compassion for all the suffereing in the world,,,, but we also need to balance that with recognizing all the blessings and miracles God is doing also. this way we don't get depressed just thinking about the sad things.
God bless you ,
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
