I don't drink at all, so I'm looking for some objective opinions...
My wife drinks a bottle a wine a night (25 ounces). She starts at about 05:00pm and drinks until she goes to bed. She has been doing this for a couple of years now. I'v expressed my conerns to her, but she continues to drink anyway. She claims it's ok as she doesn't get drunk, isn't driving, etc., etc. I have told her (based on several reputable entities) she's drinking about 5 times what is considered to be moderate drinking. I have trouble sleeping at night as I'm concerned about what could happen. Is my concern justified?
Welcome to MIP, you are in the right place. I would make one suggestion, you might want to post your question on the Al-anon board also. Have you ever been to a Al-anon meeting?
As for your wife, I feel only she is the only one who can decide if she is alcoholic.There is a lot of information you can read on this site about alcoholism, it will be very helpful to you.I decided I had a problem 20 years ago and have been sober since then. My husband on the other hand, has never really believed he is alcoholic and just got out of prison and a halfway house for DUI. Is he sober today, I pray he is but I can't control his sobriety.
Keep posting, get as much education as you can and take care of you.
I have not attended an Al-anon meeting. I suppose that would be a good place to start.
Like I eluded to before, my wife doesn't get drunk, get into trouble or anything else negative you could attribute to her wine drinking. I seem to be the olny person bothered in any way. But, I don't know if she could stop as we've had heated discussions regarding the wine one evening and she'll drink an entire bottle again the next evening knowing I can't sleep out of concern.
The question as to whether your wife is an alcoholic or not depends to some extent on how she reacts if she dosen't drink, is there any physical dependancy? If there is, then it's time that your wife made some decision regarding stopping drinking.
Some people can drink this amount of alcohol with no detremental effect, but it's obviously putting a strain on your relationship.
I fully agree with Gammy though, only your wife can make the decision to stop.
Best wishes.
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
It's ok to be concerned and tell her your concerned.
You need to let her figure out if she has a problem.
One thing is, its not the amount of aocohol, its what it does to you.
If her personallity changes at all, there's a good chance she has a problem. However, if this be the case, until she figures it out and wants to do something about it, not much can be done.
We have a book called alcoholics Anomymous, if you want to learn a little try reading the doctor's opinion and the fisrt 3 chapters( Pages 1-43 ) This should give you a good idea of Alcoholism. I believe you can read it on this site, if not post,I'm sure I can hook you up.
25 oz every day? I think that that is serious... we alcoholics know that we can tolerate a lot of booze without getting 'drunk', and that is one of the signs of alcoholism. Most of us can drink everyone else undr the table. The measure of dependecy... every day, 25 oz.. we don't knowwhat would happen if she stopped.. but that has to have a physical effect. There are those that say 4 oz a day is good for us,,,, but 25 oz is 6 times thatmuch.
I think what I would do,, and this is me,, I would get some more professional opinions than ours. I would ask your doctor about it. And I would get some literature aboaut alcoholism that covers it. To say,,, 'well, I am not missing work because f it',,, when the person doesn't have ajob.. is lame. When you get yourself educated about alcoholism,,, then you can share what you have learned with your wife. She may or may not listen, and that's what the others are telling you. But that doesn't mean to sit back and do nothing either. That's why we can't give you advice... and you have to figure it out from what you learn from all these sources.
God bless you, and I'll keep you both in prayer,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
I’ll give all of you a bit more background on this. I just need to vent. It’s nearly 12:00am and once again, I’m mad and concerned and can’t go to sleep.
Here’s some brief history on my wife’s family. She has 2 aunts, 1 brother and a cousin that the rest of the family call “alcoholics”. I don’t know how they qualified these family members as alcoholics, but that’s what they’re calling them. The cousin committed suicide, 1 aunt passed away from heart problems and the brother always seems to be in trouble. The other aunt is 73 and still kicking some how (but she looks to be 85). From what I understand, the family history alone should suggest caution regarding alcohol consumption. Ok, that’s the end of my story of the family history (at least the most profound).
My mother-in-law came over to our house tonight and stayed for about an hour and a half. By the end of the night, there were 2 empty wine bottles. My wife claims her mom had 2 glasses. My wife must have finished the other bottle and a half (about 35 ounces). My mother-in-law in quite well off (via the support of my father-in-law). The only difference (in my opinion) between the “alcoholics” in the family and my wife and mother-in-law is the choice of alcohol.
My wife actually reeks when she comes to bed at night, which is quite a turn off. The wine is costing about $4,000.00 a year (which we can’t really afford, especially on wine). My son has Asberger’sSyndrome and may be quite impressionable later in life. I can’t talk to anyone in her family as her mom probably consumes more wine than my wife (and no one has ever said to her “I think you’re drinking too much). This whole thing is about to drive me CRAZY!
I apologize for all the complaining. I just needed someone to listen and acknowledge my concerns.
