I hope that everyone has a good Thanksgiving! I heard the first holidays can be hard for the "newbies." I can feel it all ready, but am still looking forward to them. My mom has a Christmas for me & my bro's family, that consists of mostly alcohol (or at least it feels like that) so I'm nervous! Be safe....eat a lot!
Hi Crystal, Llisten to the announcements at your meetings for holiday dinners, meetings, gathering, pot luck...typically AA clubs will host around the clock meetings during T-day, Christmas, and New Years. This is a good time to do some extracurricular stuff and get to know people in your meetings. It doesn't have to be hard at all, we make it hard by not taking advantage of the fellowship in the program.
don't ever be afraid to say no in attending things where you already know will threaten your sobriety....I know turkey day is next to impossible because of family but my advice is to leave early and hit a meeting....this is my 3rd go around with sobriety and please just take my advice and eliminate the triggers in your life...my high school 20th reunion is day after thanksgiving its something i'd 100% love to attend but i'm way to early in the program right now to even contemplate attending it...the event will come and go without me, and thats ok....its not worth it, they'll all live without me for an evening.
I have some anxiety around the holidays as well. My family drinks - I usually have one in my hand within 5 mins of entering my Mother's house. My birthday just passed - my brother, who just moved out of town, made a comment about our normal BD drinking fest - and I replied I can't do that anymore. "What, you wouldn't have a drink with me on your birthday!!!" Quite indignant.
The flip side is that the program has really opened me up to my family and the love that has always been there for me. A LOT of living amends going on and relationships I have never experienced with them. One of the major reasons I drank was my isolation and I want to conquer that. My daughter will be by my side and she is fully supportive of my program - and I am eventually going to have to dig my heals in with my family - so it might as well be now.
Yes, I know. I have to put my sobriety first. And I am going to - but I don't want to run from the challenges - I want to conquer them. If they give me a hard time I can always leave. That is a choice.
I am praying for God to give me strength and serenity. I went to a wedding that was completely booze driven, with my family, and my A boyfriend having a temper tantrum that he wasn't the center of attention and didn't drink. I figure I can get through this now that he is out of the picture and the insanity of it has left my life. Seems much easier now.
Wish me luck. I will keep you posted!
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
I understand where you are coming from trying to face this stuff head on...but you are entering a serious danger zone...you might come out unscathed a couple times, but if you keep testing it this disease will hunt you down and get you....its happened to me, i've lived it.
differentiate when your ego is taking over in place of your higher power...if you are going into a situation you have anxiety about because you know there are going to be triggers around you, right there should tell you to stay away, even if it makes others upset with you....nobody, and I mean NOBODY is worth you losing your sobriety, they'll get over it.
...you might come out unscathed a couple times, but if you keep testing it this disease will hunt you down and get you
Been there, done that also!
Today I don't take the chance. I never know when the cunning, baffling and powerful part will do it's best to take over (after all my mind really is out to get my ass!)!!
My obsession was lifted some time ago, but there have been moments when I was around a friend who was having just one and I felt the anger well up inside me. After all, the BB tells us that every alcoholics obession is that one day we will be able to drink normally.
((hugs))
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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain.
I have had the pleasure of being a recovering alcoholic in love with an recovering alcoholic. I know first hand the devestation of being left by someone you love because they were not strong enough - or far enough along in their recovery - to stand up and do the right thing for the people he loved. I understand it, have compassion for it, but it still was just heart breaking.
I am not saying that what you are advising is wrong - I totally get it. But I am not going to step away in fear without even trying. I want to practice setting my boundaries with those I love - and if they cross them - enforcing them and doing what is right for me...for my sobriety. They will have to get it eventually and honor it - or I will not come around. But running in fear is what I, as an alcoholic, have been doing my entire life. It stops now.
I have gained an enormous amount of respect and love for my family, who I harbored a LOT of anger towards, after being with an alcoholic who was so emotionally damaging to me and my daughter. I want to be there for them now, thank them now, love them now, and ask for their forgiveness and support in my journey of recovery.
If that is alcoholic egotism - well then so be it. This may be a disaster and I might end up spending Christmas with my new family in the program. But I have to at least try. I am scared - but I know that God and my loving daughter (and hopefully the rest of my family) are here to support me.
Sorry if that sounds harsh - it really isn't out of anger or disagreement with what you are saying - but an utter determination to change the way I was doing things and grab onto love and compassion with both hands.
Thanks for your feedback!
tlc
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__________________ "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." ~Winston Churchill
HHmmm.....lots of good advice here. I appreciate all of it. I completely understand where all of you are coming from when you say to stay away from those situations. My first attempt at becoming sober was pretty typical....about 30 days clean I thought, "oh, now I can start going out to the bars without drinking." Worked well for a couple weeks, then you can imagine what happened after that . So this time, I have tried to take the advice of many. Someone from an AA meeting told me that AA isn't about seeing how close you can get to drinking....without drinking. I agree. At least it didn't work for me.
But darn it! I still want to do those things.....grrrrrr!
Haven't decided about my mom's Thanksgiving/Christmas though. I'd like to go and leave after my nephews open their gifts. Haven't decided yet......and I'm sure you can see that my mom is far from a support system for me But don't get me started....Ha!
"I have some anxiety around the holidays as well. My family drinks - I usually have(HAD) one in my hand within 5 mins of entering my Mother's house. My birthday just passed - my brother, who just moved out of town, made a comment about our normal BD drinking fest - and I replied I can't(WON'T) do that anymore. "What, you wouldn't have a drink with me on your birthday!!!" (No, I WON'T!!) Quite indignant."...........
~~~~~
It is a new day today, and a new year, to start off the practice of saying no, and learning how to enjoy the holidays without alcohol. I hope everyone here has a successfully sober holiday, and I love all the suggestions here about how to get through it.
-- Edited by jonijoni1 at 17:26, 2008-11-25
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Man did I get lucky on this one!!! Me, my husband and brothers were probably the only family members that drank and fortunately, we're all in the program now! Except my older one.....
So its funny to think from the other familie members view point.... "Thank God the drunks have quit and ended the chaos of family holiday time!!!" lol
Its amazing to me that out of 30 people or so in my family, four of us are drunks. Im blessed on that one because I dont have to avoid family functions because there will be drinking around me!!! Now WANTING to be around them is another story...lol just kidding!!!
I always heard the tools to parties etc....have your cell with you and numbers to call, drive yourself so you can make an exit if needed...pray pray pray!!!
Good luck!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
But don't get me started....Ha!