Hi all, Thought Id just throw this out on the table.... Taking care of my financial wreckage of the past has been truly challenging! Have slowly, but surely, taken care of some of the dumb debts I owe. My car is paid off, my dental bill that was sent to an attorney has been paid, overdrafts at the bank are just about caught up, then there are the charges incurred when going to those fast check cashing places!!! I have no credit card debt which is a blessing..
Robbing peter to pay paul about ruined me!! Have taken care of a few of them and still have a few left to pay. I have received settlement offers from some and just recently recieved court papers that a judgment will be filed against me. Scary stuff, but I havent drank over it!!!!
I am doing my best to take care of these debts but dont have enough extra to do it all at once. My husband suggested I let them file the judgment and just pay it when I can, rather than hiring an attorney and racking up more debt....Hmmmm.... Im not sure what they will do after that point, garnish my wages or what. It is from an out of my city attorney...
I know I owe this debts, am willing to pay them back but am baffled on what to do about this one. It is 2.5 yrs old!
As we are all alkies, Im sure someone has been in this situation. I know we dont give advise to one another but am curious how others may have handled something such as this....
More than anything, I think it is important to share that I have been honest about my debt with my husband, have taken the necessary steps to start taking care of them and as I have said, I havent drank over this. Is it worth my sobriety, I think not...will they take away my family or my home, no. Its really not the end of the world. In the past, Id just drink more and hide. Reminds me of the stupid things I have done in the past!!!! Yuck!
So any sharing would be appreciated!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
figure out what you can afford to pay on that debt, call them and offer them 50% of what you owe, less the interest and late fees, 50% of the principal. Most creditors would be glad to accept anything on a debt that old as they may have written it off already.
One thing that helped me is to make a budget every year in january. Add up all the bills expenses etc... total them. Then look at income. Subtract and see what's left over. Consider saving some of that and then allow yourself, husband monthly spending money and stick to it. The problem is that most people don't know (and don't want to know) what their "Allowance" is.
I soooo understand where you are coming from. I STILL have a few old debts that I have not even begun to sort out. My husband came into this marriage 4 years ago with a great deal of debts and bad credit as well, and he's not even an alcoholic! So we alkies don't solely bear the burden of bad debts.
I just received notice that I now have to start paying toward one of my school loans that was in deference for years. It will double what I am already paying out, and that sucks. Today is the last day I can pay the first payment without being penalized. Have I paid it yet? No! Is the money in the bank to pay it? Yes!! So, as you see, I drag my feet at times as well.
But I do know this: sitting and stewing about it has not made my life any better this past week, putting it off. I am so glad you posted this, as it really is just what I needed to hear today.
I have to apply the old AA adage of "doing the next right thing" where this debt thing is concerned. And not WAITING to do the next right thing, either!! LOL Easy does it, but do it, right? My husband has fortunately buckled down this past year and paid off so many of his own debts. It has been remarkable to watch. I also have to be grateful that we were fortunate to buy our home when we did, or there is no way we would be getting a loan right now, that is for sure. Good timing, on God's part.
You have lit a fire under my butt this morning. I think it is time to revisit the budget that I had made for myself, but slowly begun to ignore over some months now. Better yet, time to create a NEW budget, as the needs have changed since I last checked in with that.
Sobriety is a real eye-opener, that is for sure. I can no longer be "comfortable" trying to shove stuff like financial obligations under the rug. My sponsor talks in her lead about how at 3 years sober, she had a 4 foot stack of old bills that were not paid, yet she had more than enough money in the bank to handle it all. It was just one of those "avoidance" things in early recovery. Looks like I could learn form my sponsor, and LOOK at what I am perhaps not dealing with correctly right now financially. Thank you, again, for the swift kick in the ass, I really needed it.
So I thank you. At least YOU have opened your eyeballs and are facing this stuff. Tiem for me to get busy revisiting and doing the same.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
P.S..... I just checked my balance, which I have been almost afraid to look at this week..... how dumb! it is fine enough to get some things taken care of, to my delight and thankfulness. Off to pay some dang BILLS!!!! Thanks, Lani...
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Dean, love the allowance thing. My husband has done that for himself this past year. He had gotten a promotion the year prior, and went wild with the extra cash. But we worked through this together, realizing that because we chose to live in this old house, we have a never-ending potential of NEED coming down the pike, and we had better be prepared for it!
SO glad this subject came up.... have begun an effort to do just that... make a new budget. And believe me, MINE can't wait til January!! LOL
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Thanks for your share, Lani x I'm expecting some 'new' debts to arise soon with my Amends. I was approx £1000 in debt living in my overdraft when I stopped drinking which I was extremely fortunate to be helped out of by my Dad who gave me £800 because I asked & he had some inheritance. I used to think it was some Godgiven right to me before I got Sober & it was my Sponsor who helped me to realise that that money had been given to my Dad from his Dad & that it didn't have to come to us (me & my sisters even though Dad had said that was what it was for) Eventually, I asked him for his help in the humility I could muster at the time with a full preparation & realisation that he was well within his rights to say yes or no. Lucky for me he said yes & I've never asked him for anything since.
My Dad having that money in the past caused conflict between him & my sisters due to us all getting caught up in mixed messages. I know & feel now today that my relationship with my Dad is more important than any amount of money & it's something we don't speak about. He has had money & bonds which is all tied up but he also has an enduring mental illness too which can cause him a lot of paranoia & when money comes into it I don't want my Dad to worry that I'm close to him for any other reason than the fact of my loving & enjoying the security that comes for me in having a good friendship/relationship with him. I'm grateful that he has helped me the times he has in the past. It's a shame that for a lot of years I felt it was my right because of the mistakes he'd made in the past which had led to his hurting us but now, thanks to this Program I can understand principles before personalities.
But, back to your share, Lani lol Just sharing out some honesty there cuz I feel free after I've let it out & let go of it! No, life is good today & different because I'm budgeting above my overdraft & managing to save a little each month too. I thought I'd respond to your share because I'll have some more expenses soon I think with old debts that I thought would stay 'laid to rest'. Namely one was with an Ex who I supported financially for a number of years (my choice) & then when he was given a sum of money from an insurance policy off his parents I helped myself to a few hundred (mostly for bills?) & told him he had a cheek expecting it back after 'all I'd done for him'. Talk about a stab in the back on my part. I wouldn't have had the opportunity except it had been put into my account as his was defunct. Quite frankly I had no right I can admit now as I arise out of my self righteous resentment.
That was in 2003 & we haven't spoken for years. I've to sit with my Sponsor & work this stuff out but I think said Ex is going to get a shock when I get in touch & say 'Hey, I'm sorry for being such a B & I owe you money' It is still going to hurt my pride I think because for all these years I simply justified it & didn't even give it a second thought. But, it wasn't just him I'll have offended but his Mum & Dad too given that they put it in my care in trust. Basically, my attitude had been that because I paid for this & looked after that I had a God given right to decide whatever I wanted. I liked a loaded dice & I had no idea what codependency was at that time!
So it's proof of this character building Program doing its work on me again. In fact, now that I look at it, (again) I've had a lot of this arrogance permeating through me where despite my self pity I still think I've a God given right to a lot of things. I mean, really? Who do I think I am! I'm getting a little taste of humility, relief & release again & all I need to slam this door of willingness shut again is that good old stubborn defect of self righteous, self justified, anger & denial! Harsh awakenings some might say & others may think I'm being hard on myself but I'm not. I've got away with a lot for a lot of years because I've refused to grow up & face myself. I'm now judging my own actions instead of my intentions (as our big book says).
Thanks for your great share & your inspiration, Lani x I wouldn't have the courage to do this if it wasn't for fellowship like you & your honesty. God bless, sweetheart. Thanks for your continued wisdom & practical advice, Dean & Joni, love your example too! Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
I liked how you put this all into perspective, Danielle. I too have to look at the underlying causes of my selfishness where letting bills and debts sit and rot are concerned. I don't care if it is a friend, family member or huge corporation, like you said, "I have no right" to think I am somehow "entitled" to push these things under the rug. And as I see, with most of my character defects, avoidance only makes the problem worse.
I really made use of this post today, and I am glad it was here today. I had gotten into some pretty good wholesome financial decision-making awhile back, but my "old ideas" had seemed to creep back in. Nice to come here and get back on track before it becomes a big mess again!
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Thank you all so much for your wonderful shares! Its nice to know I am not alone and that it will and can get better! I almost feel like a smart ass saying "Im glad my financial woes caused a few others to look at themselves too!!! lol Dang!!
Dean, I love the idea of a budget but it seems like something always comes up. But, by the grace of god, we do have the extra when it is needed! Yes we are learning how to save but things keep coming up!! Whats that about!!!
And Joni, I know exactly what youre talking about when you have the money and possibly dont want to part with it or get into paying those dang bills!
Danielle...Love it!!! Our god given right !!! How many times have I felt that way!!! Its all about me dont they know!
Posting this and reading your posts is dragging up memories of just that...My parents, I can go to them in a pinch and have with my dad and one time with both parents! Ive even stopped so low to ask friends for money. I must say, when I told them I would pay them back, each and every time I did when I said I would. But the NERVE, that I would even ask in the first place! Dang!! Was I sick! So, those people I will def make amends to for just asking! Ughhh!
Im just glad that today I have the will and desire to repay what is owed. No more hiding, I'll just do the best I can and someday, probably when I have as much sobriety as Dean, I will finally be DEBT FREE!!! There is hope for us all!!!!!!!
Love yas like crazy!!!!!!
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"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. "
